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19Nov

Harry Potter and the Naked Ladies

Posted in Books, Movies, TV & Web, Guilty Pleasures | 4 Comments

Harry Potter and his wizard pals had lots of cool gadgets, including flying broomsticks and an invisibility cloak. One thing they didn’t have was x-ray vision.

Thank goodness we have Hollywood to give us a peek beneath all those witches’ robes:

Bellatrix Lestrange (Helena Bonham Carter)

From Fight Club (below) and The Wings of the Dove (bottom):

*****

Madame Rosmerta (Julie Christie)

According to author Peter Bart’s book, Infamous Players: A Tale of Movies, the Mob (and Sex), Christie and co-star Donald Sutherland took method acting to an extreme in this scene from Don’t Look Now. Bart, invited onto the set by director Nicolas Roeg, witnessed the filming of the scene and later wrote about it: “It was clear to me they were no longer simply acting: they were fucking on camera.”

*****

Fleur Delacour (Clemence Poesy)

From Welcome to the Roses:

*****

Rita Skeeter (Miranda Richardson)

From Dance with a Stranger:

*****

Aunt Petunia Dursley (Fiona Shaw)

From Mountains of the Moon, it’s Aunt Petunia’s bush!

*****

Nymphadora Tonks (Natalia Tena)

From Mrs. Henderson Presents, and from Afterlife:

*****

Minerva McGonagall (Maggie Smith)

From California Suite:

*****

Sybil Trelawney (Emma Thompson)

From The Tall Guy and, in the beach shots, courtesy of local paparazzi:

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*****

Molly Weasley (Julie Walters)

From She’ll Be Wearing Pink Pyjamas. Not in this picture, she won’t:

*****

J. K. Rowling

Someone lends a hand to the popular author at a party.

*****

Hermione Granger (Emma Watson)

Emma has thus far managed to keep her on-screen robes buttoned. However, much to the paparazzi’s delight, she seems to favor unbuttoned tops and see-thru knickers at movie premieres.

14Nov

Free Flick of the Week: “House on Haunted Hill”

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When I was a kid, it seemed as though the same two actors starred in all the scary movies: Boris Karloff and Vincent Price. But there was a small problem with that. Neither one of them was particularly frightening. Karloff looked too old and feeble to do much harm, and Price was too soft and effeminate to stoke fear. Of course, now I’m older and know better – the old, feeble, soft, and effeminate are the scariest people on Earth. Watch Price in 1958’s House on Haunted Hill by clicking here.

12Nov

The Weekly Review: November 6 – 12

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“Joe Paterno is Penn State!” Or so we kept hearing from football fans distraught over the elderly coach’s firing. I guess that means that Penn State is composed of clueless assholes. Guess what, Penn State fans? The vast majority of Americans don’t give a damn about you or your screwed-up school. But we do take an interest in child molestation and massive cover-ups.

Penn State is playing a game today to begin the “healing process.” Playing the game to “honor the victims.” What a load of horse manure. This school needs to be punished before it can begin its “healing process,” and cancellation of its season would be a good start.

Looking at the bigger picture … outside of the Mafia and the Catholic Church, is there any institution more corrupt than college athletics?

*****

Sadly, my love affair with The Huffington Post seems to be over. If I say something that she doesn’t like — nothing threatening or obscene, mind you; just things that she does not like — she censors me, apparently. Not good for a Web site that supposedly champions free speech.

*****

I guess I was spoiled by the Casey Anthony and O.J. trials, but I’m sorry, this Conrad Murray business was as dull as dishwater. Things perked up a bit when Murray’s stripper girlfriends (including the lovely lady pictured above) took center stage, but that was as exciting as things got.

*****

We had the first-ever nationwide test of the emergency broadcast system on Wednesday. I am noticing more and more of these “tests” during my nocturnal TV vigils. Should we be concerned about this? Just curious ….

*****

I swear, Obama is at his most entertaining when he doesn’t realize he’s being recorded. First, it was the “clinging to guns or religion” fiasco, now it’s this dig at Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu:

*****

I watched a tornado video on the news. Once upon a time, tornado footage on TV was a pretty big deal. But in this age of cell-phone cameras, twister videos have sadly gone the way of NASA rocket launches — no longer very special. On the other hand, that tornado in The Wizard of Oz never gets old, does it?

07Nov

State of Wonder

Posted in Books, Books, Movies, TV & Web | Leave a comment

by Ann Patchett

Story: A doctor is dispatched to South America to learn what she can about a potentially groundbreaking drug – and also the mysterious death of a treasured colleague.

Good: Patchett is a gifted storyteller. The steaming, swarming Amazon and its menagerie of snakes, cannibals, and other perils seem very real.

Not So Good: The plot includes some hefty leaps of faith. Why on earth would a pharmaceutical company send the heroine – an “indoor girl” if ever there was one, and certainly no Indiana Jones – on such a hazardous mission into the wilds of Brazil?

Good: Two themes are intriguing: 1) If an American company discovers the cure for a disease, but can expect little or no monetary gain, is it obligated to persevere for the benefit of third-world countries? 2) Should women well into their 40s – and older – have the right to reproduce, assuming it becomes possible?

Not So Good: The novel is poorly edited. It’s littered with unclear passages and ambivalent pronouns.

Good: In domineering “Dr. Swenson,” Patchett creates a true original, an older woman who suffers no fools and delivers an endless supply of amusing quips.

Not So Good: Most of the other characters, including the heroine and her lover, the ludicrously titled “Mr. Fox,” are flat.

07Nov

Free Flick of the Week: “Awakenings”

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From 1988 to 1992, no Hollywood director had more success than Penny Marshall. Her string of hits – both critical and commercial – included Big, Awakenings, and A League of Their Own. These days, Marshall directs TV movies and series. Sometimes, you just got to scratch your head. Watch Robin Williams and Robert De Niro in Marshall’s poignant drama, Awakenings, free of charge by clicking here.

07Nov

Margin Call

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I don’t know about you, but when I contemplate the SOBs on Wall Street responsible for our financial meltdown, I want blood. And when I learn that Hollywood has made a movie about the corporate “masters of the universe” who played hell with my 401(k), I want the film rated R — so that the filmmakers are free to dispense some well-deserved carnage and gore on the guilty parties. In short, I want Gordon Gekko’s head on a stick.

After all, wasn’t it Michael Douglas’s memorable turn as glamorous, villainous Gekko in Oliver Stone’s Wall Street that attracted so many sharks to firms like Lehman Brothers in the first place?

Alas, there is no gore to be found in Margin Call, director J.C. Chandor’s incisive take on financial panic at an investment bank reportedly based on Lehman Brothers. There is, however, a great deal of emotional carnage in the film.

Chandor’s script depicts one day in 2008 when an entry-level analyst (Zachary Quinto) raises red flags about his company’s shaky business practices. Faster than you can say “mortgage fraud,” the firm’s honchos are convening in the wee hours of the night to see what they can do to avert disaster. Their choice is simple: submit to the consequences of their own negligence, or screw business partners by selling off toxic assets, pronto. Favored employees will grab whatever can be salvaged — and to hell with everyone else.

Margin Call is an actor’s dream job, and the cast doesn’t disappoint. Kevin Spacey, especially, is riveting as a sales manager caught in a moral dilemma. Does he do what’s right and retain the respect of his traders, or does he succumb to the demands of unethical superiors? The suspense in this film derives not from what is going to happen (we know that), but from how it will happen.

Most of us don’t personally know any hedge-fund managers or Wall Street bankers. We wonder, justifiably, what kind of monsters some of them might be. Margin Call wants to show us the humans behind the crisis, and it does so effectively. Turns out these guys aren’t really monsters — but you wouldn’t mistake them for angels, either. Grade: B+

Director: J.C. Chandor Cast: Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany, Jeremy Irons, Zachary Quinto, Penn Badgley, Simon Baker, Demi Moore, Mary McDonnell, Stanley Tucci, Aasif Mandvi Release: 2011

Watch Trailers and Clips (click here)

05Nov

The Weekly Review: October 30 – November 5

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All Thumbs Edition

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Entertainment Weekly — This magazine is like a good-looking woman with a flatulence problem. Should you dump her, or try your damndest to overlook the gas? EW is an exasperating mix of sharp, don’t-miss-them reviews and industry bullshit. Readers have to wade through pages of show-business propaganda, glorified press releases, and other crap to get to the good stuff. My advice: Skip the first half of the magazine and go straight to the back, where they keep the reviews.

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What is it with Chris Matthews and his obsession with all things Kennedy? The MSNBC host never misses an opportunity to gush about JFK, and now he’s written a book about his “fighting prince” and is making the media rounds, spitting on microphones and proclaiming his love for a man who — from what I can tell — ranks solidly “mediocre” on the scale of effective presidents.

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Bob Schieffer — who knew you were such a holier-than-thou, nanny-state-lovin’ nag? I am referring to your chastisement of Herman Cain and his Internet “smoking” ad. Last time I checked, smokers are citizens and smokers vote. If I want your opinion, Bob, I’ll … never mind; I don’t want your opinion.

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Once upon a time, I was a movie geek in love with Rotten Tomatoes and Netflix. Alas, Netflix succumbed to greed and Rotten Tomatoes grew indifferent to our relationship. And so I found …

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… a new girlfriend, The Huffington Post. She is fresh and exciting, but does have a tendency toward prickliness. Certain topics are best avoided in her presence. Thus far, she doesn’t seem to mind my comments about tumors and planets:

*****

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Rachel Maddow points out that, so far, Herman Cain has A) quoted Pokémon during a Republican debate; B) issued an economic plan based on the video game SimCity; C) appealed to the nation’s smokers in an Internet ad; and D) launched into impromptu songs during his speeches.

Maddow suspects that Cain’s campaign might in fact be an elaborate practical joke he’s pulling on all of us, more performance art than presidential politics. I think she might be onto something. Just look at Herman’s smile in the picture above. Would you buy a used car from this guy?

01Nov

Free Flick of the Week: “The Natural”

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Major League Baseball games are simply too damn long. So is The Natural, a 1984 tribute to Robert Red– er, our national pastime. The movie is also at times peculiar and overly sentimental. But Golly Gee Willikers, if you were ever a kid who dreamt about hitting a home run in the Big Game, the picture’s climax is a real treat. Watch it for free by clicking here.

01Nov

Melancholia

Posted in Books, Movies, TV & Web, Movies | 3 Comments

My dictionary defines melancholia as “a condition characterized by extreme depression, bodily complaints, and often hallucinations and delusions.” The definition says nothing about frighteningly big, rogue planets on collision courses with Earth — I’m thinking “hysteria” might be a better word for that scenario. But Melancholia is the name of the planet doing a “dance of death” with Earth in director Lars von Trier’s new movie, a strikingly original piece of work with images and themes that are haunting.

Von Trier sets up his doomsday drama at a leisurely pace, examining another type of melancholy in the debilitating depression that grips Justine (Kirsten Dunst), a new bride with the eerie ability to “know things.” Justine’s instincts tell her that marriage to the son of her wealthy employer was a bad idea, and they also tell her things like the exact number of beans in the lottery-jar at her wedding reception … and that the star in the sky that brother-in-law John (Kiefer Sutherland) insists is Antares is no such thing — and that the glowing orb seems to get bigger every day.

If Melancholia has a weakness, it’s that Part One (“Justine”) verges on overkill; we understand that Justine is depressed, now can we please move on with things? In Part Two (“Claire”), von Trier finally turns the screw, with disaster approaching in the sky and everyone’s world turned upside down. This is no Deep Impact, with cardboard characters servicing the special effects. Instead, von Trier exercises restraint, creating a creeping dread that culminates with some unforgettable scenes.

Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg), Justine’s sister and a true believer in the power of ritual, begins to fall apart. Her husband John sees his faith in science and material resources unravel. As the ominous ball in the sky grows larger, Claire asks, “It won’t hit us?” “Not a chance,” John replies. Claire persists: “But what if your scientists have miscalculated?”

Ironically, it is only Justine, the impulsive, runaway bride, who remains calm. But her take on the pending end of the world (presumably von Trier’s take, as well) is less than reassuring. “The Earth is evil,” she says, “We don’t need to grieve for it. Nobody will miss it.” Even more unsettling is her reply to a question posed by Claire. “Life is only on Earth,” she says, adding, “and not for long.”

All of the actors are first rate in Melancholia, but this is von Trier’s triumph. The images are dreamlike, and his use of Wagner’s prelude to Tristan und Isolde on the soundtrack is stirring. The themes are downbeat, yet absorbing. Melancholia is no battle between religion and science, because they both take it on the chin. Grade: A-

Director: Lars von Trier Cast: Kirsten Dunst, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Kiefer Sutherland, Charlotte Rampling, John Hurt, Alexander Skarsgard, Stellan Skarsgard, Brady Corbet, Udo Kier Release: 2011

Watch Trailers and Clips (click here)

29Oct

The Weekly Review: October 23 – 29

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God help me, but I am happy to see these two knuckleheads back on MTV.

*****

Creepiest thing about the Herman Cain “smoking” ad? Not the smoker, Cain chief of staff Mark Block (above), but rather the ominous, cat-that-ate-the-canary grin on Cain’s face at the commercial fadeout.

And thanks, Wolf Blitzer, for sharing your opinion that an ad featuring smoking must be “idiotic.” So is your beard.

*****

Watching Bill O’Reilly and Barbara Walters — both of them immensely wealthy — debate the motives of Occupy Wall Street protesters ranked pretty high on my Vomit Meter.

Of the two, Walters was worse because she claimed to actually understand the angry phenomenon. At least O’Reilly didn’t hide his confusion. Walters was on The O’Reilly Factor to promote something that comes more naturally to her: a TV special in which she brown-noses billionaires. Now those are people she can understand.

*****

“We are 50 million seniors who earned our benefits.”

Not so fast, Grandpa. According to news reports, most seniors rake in much more in benefits than they paid for by the time they go to that great-big ice-cream social in the sky. We are all of us in trouble here, so older people had better think twice before they join the rich as the only Americans who don’t seem to believe in “shared sacrifice.”

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