Cupid

 

Please forgive today’s abbreviated edition of the “Weekly Review.”  Grouchy has been a bit preoccupied of late.  During a recent excursion in cyberspace, he happened upon what might be — hold on — the girl of his dreams.

She’s a lovely lass:  a dog-loving beauty queen, whiling away her days in the Florida sunshine and, no doubt, captivating every man that she meets.

 

Cupid2       CA1

 

The Grouch does not yet know the name of this vision of loveliness (her initials, she teases, are C.A.), but he did manage to grab a screen capture or two of her, and he feels certain that once you gaze upon her sweet visage you will agree with him:  She is every man’s fantasy girl.

 

CA2

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

Innkeep1 

 

I don’t know about you, but when I board a rollercoaster, the real thrills don’t come from the car’s frenzied drops and loops.  I get my chills earlier, during the ascent as the train ominously clicks, wheezes, and grinds its way to the highest point.  The anticipation, or dread, of what’s about to happen — that’s the best part.

I can’t think of a better analogy than a nail-biting coaster climb to describe Ti West’s directorial style.  West, whose low budget The House of the Devil was surprisingly effective, knows how to turn the screws of suspense.  The Innkeepers, West’s new haunted-hotel movie, doesn’t provide many payoffs to his screw-tightening, but when the jolts do come, they’re nasty.

Sara Paxton stars as Claire, a young woman stuck in a dead-end job at the Yankee Pedlar, a 19th-century hotel preparing to lock its doors after one more weekend of business.  Claire shares hotel duties with fellow slacker Luke (Pat Healy), a nerdish cynic who relieves boredom at the front desk by working on his passion, a Web site devoted to the paranormal.  The only other (apparent) inhabitants of the Yankee Pedlar are a mother and her child, and a sharp-tongued actress (Kelly McGillis) in town for a speaking engagement.

Not much happens in the first hour of The Innkeepers, which is both a good thing and a bad thing.  It’s good because, unlike so many “young-people-in-peril” flicks, in this one we get to know our two heroes and, also unlike the youngsters in so many horror movies, they are actually worth knowing.  Paxton, especially, is adorable as awkward tomboy Claire, who must summon her reserves of courage.  (It’s curious that no matter how many chillers we see with “No! — Don’t go into that room!” scenes, they still work in the hands of a skilled director.)  There is also an amusing bit involving Claire, a leaky garbage bag, and a dumpster.  It has absolutely nothing to do with ghosts or the plot, but it’s priceless, one of the best scenes in the film.

The movie does take a long time to deliver the goods.  The characters, likeable as they are, can’t carry a full hour of thin material.  But for what it is — a small movie intent on delivering shivers — it’s a nice ride.       Grade:  B

 

Innkeep2

 

Director:  Ti West   Cast:  Sara Paxton, Pat Healy, Kelly McGillis, George Riddle, Alison Bartlett, Lena Dunham  Release:  2011

 

Innkeep3Innkeep4
Innkeep5Innkeep6

 

Watch Trailers and Clip  (click here)



Innkeep7

Innkeep8

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

Amelie

Amelie is one of those “love it or hate it” movies.  I’m guessing that you will know into which category you fall within the first five minutes of the film.  The movie looks great, but has what might kindly be called a “quirky” style.  Read my review of Amelie by clicking here, or go here to watch this award-winning, French (yes, it’s subtitled) romantic comedy. 

(You have to register with Hulu, but it’s free.)

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

Priests Gone Wild!

Priests

 

Another sign of the coming apocalypse:  brawling Greek Orthodox and Armenian priests.  To watch the melee, go here.

 

*****

 

Bullshit Political “Truisms”

 

1.  There are too many negative campaign ads.  Hogwash.  We love them, we need them, and they have always been part of American politics.

2.  At least he’s consistent and doesn’t flip-flop.  Why on Earth is this considered a virtue?  Hitler was consistent and didn’t flip-flop.  Should we admire him for that?

 

*****

 

My new favorite celebrity grouch is Daniel Craig, who is forever grumbling about something, or someone, to the press.  Recently, the James Bond star has snarled about the Kardashians (“What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a fucking idiot on television, and then you’ll pay me millions?”), media interviews (“I can’t do the tits-and-teeth stuff”), and now this:

 

Craig2

 

*****

 

Tebow

 

I thought I should say something about the Bill Maher-Tim Tebow feud, but then I realized that I just … don’t … seem … to care.  But here’s a picture of the Denver quarterback, just because you want to see one.

 

*****

 

Griffin2

 

CNN is relentlessly plugging its New Year’s Eve special with Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin.  “The most unpredictable show on television!” crows the network.  Balderdash.  Granted, their banter is amusing, but there is no program on television more predictable than Cooper-Griffin on New Year’s Eve.

Griffin will make sex jokes.  Cooper will turn red and giggle.  Griffin will “hit on” Cooper.  Cooper will act embarrassed.  Repeat.  Same act as last year, and the year before that, and ….

 

*****

 

Joyce

 

Quote of the Week (James Joyce):

 

“I think I would know [Joyce’s wife] Nora’s fart anywhere.  I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.  It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have.  It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night.  I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.”

 

*****

 

This is a fake People magazine cover. It is not real.  But I am wicked and enjoy doing my small part to spread false Internet rumors about celebrities, so here you go.

 

Lautner

 

*****

 

And finally, basketball fans welcoming point guard Ricky Rubio to Minnesota:

 

Rubio

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

Teenagers

It’s the end of the year and we are scraping the bottom of the Internet barrel in search of free flicks.  We scraped and scraped and came up with Teenagers from Outer Space, a 1959 absurdity that features babes in bathing suits, stilted dialogue, stiff acting, dime-store special effects, and a ridiculous plot.  Oh, yeah, and a monster shaped like a giant lobster.  This Hulu version of Teenagers is crammed with commercials – not necessarily a bad thing in this case.  Click here to watch this “so bad it’s good” cult classic.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

It’s the end of December, and that means it is time for every news show, magazine, and Web site to compile inane “end-of-year” lists.  But most smart people realize that next year, 2012, heralds the end of the world, and so it makes a lot more sense to compile an “end-of-the-world” list.  Thus, here you go:

 

Cockroaches

 

Best Species of All Time:  The Cockroach

Everyone knows that in the event of a nuclear holocaust, the much-maligned cockroach is one of the few species expected to survive, possibly even thrive.  I don’t see why, come Armageddon, things should be any different for the heroic and plucky cockroach.

 

Cleo1    

Best Con Artist of All Time:  Cleopatra

The Queen of the Nile, according to ancient coins that bear her visage, was one homely lady.  And yet somehow the woman enjoys a “man-eater” reputation, inspiring Hollywood biographies and even a role for our most beautiful star, Liz Taylor.

 

Cleo2              LizT

 

2012

 

Greatest Work of Art:  2012

The critics hated it but hey, when you are right about things, you are right about things.

 

Nationwide

 

Greatest Blight on the Universe:  Television Commercials

TV signals are beamed into space.  Somewhere, someday, an alien species will be subjected to god-awful Nationwide insurance commercials.  When the aliens study Earth’s doomed culture, they will despise us for this. 

 

*****

 

Candlestick   

When the power went out — twice — during this week’s Steelers-49ers contest, someone made the decision to delay the game.  I think that was a missed opportunity.  They should have kept playing in the dark, like many of us did when we were kids.  “Dark football” would have been a big hit.

 

*****

 

Hidden1 

I wonder if the geniuses at Columbia Pictures’s marketing department thought of potential negative associations when they came up with the above slogan for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  What is hidden in snow that comes forth in the thaw?  I’ll bet they didn’t think of this:

 

Poop  

 

*****

 

I often channel surf between Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Fallon, but I never watch Jimmy Kimmel’s show.  This is because Kimmel’s show includes a non-stop barrage of commercials.  I took notes the other night:  

 

11:55 — Jimmy welcomes guest Jeremy Renner.

12:03 — The onslaught begins.  There are ads for Capital One, the Minnesota lottery, Xbox 360, Hilton’s Doubletree, Ford’s Focus, HBO’s True Blood, Celebrity Wife Swap, The Bachelor, Dodge Journey, and Menards.

12:08 — Back to the show.

12:13 — Ads for Bud Light, Blockbuster, Arby’s, Macy’s, Stayfree, Head & Shoulders, Viagra, the NBA, Winter Wipeout, Ford, Xfinity, local news, Citibank, Target, Midnight in Paris, Gamefly,com, Centrum, Target, The Bachelor, Celebrity Wife Swap, Work It, Jeep Grand Cherokee, and The Original Mattress Factory.

12:22 — Back to the show.

12:29 — Ads for Chrysler, Delsym cough syrup, Mucinex, Mitsubishi, GMC Superstore, and local news.

12:32 — Back to the show.

 

I watched Kimmel for 37 minutes.  There were 39 commercials.  That’s 20 minutes of Jimmy, 17 minutes of ads.  Some day, this is what the aliens will see, and they will despise us for it.

 

*****

 

Posting pictures of female buttocks is a sexist, revolting practice, and we hereby resolve to stop doing it.  Instead, please enjoy this beautiful landscape portrait:

 

Illusion

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

Straw1

 

It’s been years since I last watched director Sam Peckinpah’s seminal drama Straw Dogs, but it’s the kind of film that you don’t easily forget.

Peckinpah’s thriller provoked howls of outrage in 1971 for its violent content, in particular a prolonged rape scene in which the main female character, Amy (Susan George), appears to take some pleasure from her assault.  Critics accused Peckinpah of misogyny.  If the macho director’s goal was to generate controversy, he succeeded big time.

I don’t presume to know if “no always means no,” but I do know that the sexual question mark in Peckinpah’s movie — did Amy prefer her alpha-male assailant (an ex-boyfriend) to her pacifist husband David (Dustin Hoffman)?  — was key to the film’s climax.  When the couple’s home comes under siege by the rapist and his thuggish pals, suspense was derived from audience uncertainty about whether David and Amy could work together long enough to survive.

 

Alexander Skarsgard as "Charlie" in Screen Gems' STRAW DOGS.

 

Director Rod Lurie’s remake dispenses with any questions about the pivotal rape scene.  It’s clear this time that Amy (Kate Bosworth) wants no part of it.  This is a politically safe viewpoint, but it also subtracts tension from the remake’s final act in which, once again, the couple’s home comes under attack.

But Lurie’s Straw Dogs is still effective because of the universal conflicts it explores.  When Hollywood players David and Amy return to Amy’s hometown in rural Mississippi, the couple ignites a powder keg of culture clashes — city vs. country, privileged vs. poor, liberal vs. conservative, North vs. South, and atheist vs. believer.  Pretty boy David (James Marsden) is a lightning rod for Blackwater’s football-loving, beer-guzzling good ol’ boys. And Amy is a source of constant temptation.

Marsden is convincing as a proponent of the “can’t we all just get along” school of thought, but he lacks Hoffman’s charisma.  Bosworth is a credible small-town-girl-turned-TV-star, but she also projects a bland personality.  Hoffman and George were unforgettable.  I’ll remember them, but I won’t remember this remake.       Grade:  B-

 

Straw3Straw4

 

Director:  Rod Lurie   Cast:  James Marsden, Kate Bosworth, Alexander Skarsgard, James Woods, Dominic Purcell, Rhys Coiro, Billy Lush, Laz Alonso, Willa Holland, Walton Goggins  Release:  2011

 

Straw7

 

    Watch Trailers and Clips (click here)

 

 

Straw8

Straw9

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

                                                    by John W. Campbell                                                              

Who

 

This is why, in some literary circles, science-fiction gets so little respect.  Campbell had a great idea – malevolent, alien life force, frozen in Antarctica for millennia, is thawed by a small group of unwitting scientists – and he put his pen to paper.  But Campbell had one problem:  He could not write.  Let me rephrase that:  Campbell writes abominably.  He never uses an adjective when two or three will do, he indulges in hyperbole, and he garbles grammar.  Huge chunks of the novella are incomprehensible.  I have no idea how Who Goes There? found a publisher, but I can see why Hollywood found it attractive.  Campbell’s premise was one that filmmakers could build upon – and improve with very little effort (The Thing movies are based on this story).  Yes, in this case, the movies really are better than the book.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

937950-Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The

 

If you haven’t seen the Swedish version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, then the American remake should please you.  If you have seen the original and decide to take in director David Fincher’s copy — excuse me, “reimagining” — prepare for deja vu.

A year ago, I saw the Coen brothers’ update of True Grit.  I enjoyed the new film, but it was a peculiar experience because, aside from new actors,  I felt as though I was watching the 1969 John Wayne classic again, pretty much verbatim.  I had that same feeling as I watched Fincher’s much-hyped thriller.  Fincher gets a lot of things right in adapting Stieg Larsson’s novel:  the wintry sterility of the Swedish landscapes; casting the right actress to play Larsson’s heroine, the enigmatic Lisbeth Salander.  But Danish director Niels Arden Oplev also got those things right in his 2009 original.

Oplev and Fincher both do some tweaking of Larsson’s plot, but they’ve essentially made the same film.  What made the first movie stand out was the chemistry between leads Michael Nyqvist and Noomi Rapace.  Rapace, especially, made a strong impression as Salander, the goth-girl computer hacker who helps track down a serial killer.  In the new film, Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara also strike sparks.  But as the adage goes, the first time is always the best, and I prefer the two Swedes.

Fincher is my favorite working American director.  He prefers dark subject matter, and always puts a personal stamp on projects.  So this movie surprised me, because it hasn’t a drop of originality.  It isn’t bad, mind you, just unnecessary.     Grade:  B

 

Tattoo2

 

Director:  David Fincher  Cast:  Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Christopher Plummer, Stellan Skarsgard, Steven Berkoff, Robin Wright, Yorick van Wageningen, Joely Richardson, Geraldine James, Goran Visnjic  Release:  2011

 

Tattoo3    
Tattoo6    Tattoo5

 

                                         Watch Trailers and Clips  (click here)

 

 

Tattoo7

Tattoo8

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

                                                     by Mary Roberts Rinehart                                                              

Cat4

 

I keep asking myself why Agatha Christie became a household name while Rinehart – an author quite similar to Christie – has faded into obscurity.  I think the answer might be that Rinehart, unlike her British contemporary, never created a charismatic, recurring protagonist.  Her books have no Poirot, no Miss Marple, no hero to capture the public’s fancy.  At any rate, The Window at the White Cat is vintage fun from the American writer.  One thing I’ve learned:  It’s never safe to put out the lights and go to bed in a Rinehart mystery, because someone is always breaking into your house.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share