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03Nov

Reviews in Short: November 2012

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Office Space For anyone who works — or worked — in the soul-sucking confines of a corporate cubicle, this Mike Judge comedy is a must. Its deadly accurate depiction of the white-collar workplace has the makings for one depressing movie, but thanks to its ensemble of instantly recognizable office drones (standouts are Gary Cole as an unctuous, passive-aggressive boss, and Stephen Root as a mumbling milquetoast), it’s much more likely to make you laugh than cry. Release: 1999 Grade: B+

*****

The Bay What’s great about the movies is that the good ones suck you in and make you forget that everything you see is make-believe. The problem with most “found footage” movies is that the jerky camera, grainy film, and improbable edits are jarring reminders that everything you see is make-believe. So it is with The Bay, which is unfortunate because its premise — pollution-generated, flesh-eating parasites invade a seaside Maryland town — is timely and believable. Director Barry Levinson, who knows a thing or two about making movies the old-fashioned way, should have done so with this one. Release: 2012 Grade: C

*****

Kids An “after school special” from hell, Kids depicts one day in the life of some NYC teens who drink, drug, and screw their way through life, spreading AIDS and respecting only peer pressure. The lone role model on display is a grizzled taxi driver; other adults are either apathetic or missing in action. Kids was heralded as a wake-up call to society back in 1995; I have no idea whether anyone actually woke up. Release: 1995 Grade: B+

*****

Gut This low-budget horror film poses a provocative question: Can television viewing habits lead to actual violence? Nicholas Wilder, playing a disturbed loner who introduces his only friend to the lurid attraction of snuff movies, gets my vote for Creepy Friend of the Year. But there is a fine line between building suspense and moving at a snail’s pace, and Gut, with too many lingering close-ups and a plodding story, is undermined by its sluggish momentum. Release: 2012 Grade: C-

03Nov

The Weekly Review: October 28 – November 3

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“Why do you have to put [CNN’s] Ali Velshi in Atlantic City hour after hour after hour after hour, with him being blown around by the wind? I think it was a CNN executive, off-camera with a gun to his [Velshi’s] head.” — Michael Moore to Piers Morgan

I’d be less than honest if I didn’t admit to experiencing a bit of schadenfreude watching TV reporters clinging to lampposts and getting drenched during hurricane coverage. It’s especially fun to see big-name anchors like Anderson Cooper and Erin Burnett take a soaking. And who could forget Al Roker’s memorable reporting during Hurricane Wilma (below)?

In related news, CNN relied heavily on “iReporters” — a term I have come to loathe — for storm reports. Hey, “iReporter,” you are not an Apple product and you are certainly not a journalist. You are just some schmuck with a camera.

Mitt Romney was also concerned about storm victims. I’m sure Romney has rich pals who suffered damage to their multi-million-dollar vacation homes, and that is certainly tragic.

*****

I recently watched something called Twins of Evil, a 1971 horror flick. I am convinced that the main vampire was played by Jimmy Fallon. Yes, I realize that the movie is 40 years old, but you be the judge: In the pictures below, which is Jimmy and which is the movie bloodsucker?

*****

Just in case you haven’t yet seen this little girl doing a superb job of expressing America’s mood, click here.

*****

I don’t do much tweeting. I don’t really understand the appeal of Twitter. Several years ago when I first registered at the site, I posted a tweet that mentioned, in passing, Justin Bieber. Apparently my reference popped up on a Twitter search engine because on the following day I got my first group of “followers” — a gaggle of teenage girls. I figured that was better than no followers. Alas, when the teen girls somehow wised up to the fact that they were now following a middle-aged doofus (me), they promptly unfollowed me. I can’t explain why, but this abandonment depressed me.

*****

Meanwhile, on Survivor …

02Nov

Thus Was Adonis Murdered

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by Sarah Caudwell

Caudwell’s characters inhabit an odd-but-arresting literary universe. Time-warp a clique of Edwardian aristocrats to 1980s London, engage them with casual sex and lots of snarky-yet-sophisticated banter, and you have a good picture of Caudwell’s protagonists, a quartet of young barristers who decipher a murder mystery under the tutelage of “Hilary,” their middle-aged mentor. In real life, you’d likely want to deliver a swift kick in the pants to these self-satisfied twentysomethings, whose every comment is cloaked in irony, sarcasm, or snobbery. But in Caudwell’s clever hands, they’re amusing, rather than annoying.

29Oct

Free Flick of the Week: “Topper Returns”

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Its plot doesn’t make a lick of sense, but Topper Returns has something better: delicious slapstick and a cast of comic actors who do 1941 proud. This was the third and final entry in the Topper series, in which our timorous hero (Roland Young) helps a ghost (Joan Blondell) find out who murdered her in an old, dark house. Click here to watch it for free.

27Oct

The Weekly Review: October 21 – 27

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Talk-Show Heaven

It’s hard to resist the incisive interviews on Dr. Drew’s show. Here is an excerpt from Dr. Drew’s illuminating chat this week with Honey Boo Boo (above):

Honey Boo Boo: I don’t burp.

Dr. Drew: You don’t burp?

Honey Boo Boo: I don’t.

Dr. Drew: You’re trying to burp, but you can’t?

Talk-Show Hell

It’s painful listening to starlets on late-night talk shows. The host has to do all of the work while some Callie Cutethighs giggles and adjusts her short skirt. I experienced a preview of death the other night, watching a bubble-head named Hana Mae Lee (below) on Craig Ferguson’s show.

*****

Who says there’s no news worth celebrating?

“Rare, good news for you is I showered this morning, after two days on the plane.” — Obama campaign spokeswoman Jen Psaki, to an MSNBC anchor.

*****

“He’s [Obama] doubling down on that storyline.” — CNN’s Jessica Yellin. The media gets hold of a phrase it just loves and the damn thing spreads like a virus in kindergarten. Enough!

*****

“I worked in network news, and I know that promotions were given to people based upon their political leanings and based upon how they conducted themselves in the politically correct atmosphere in which they work.” — Bill O’Reilly, decrying network personnel decisions.

Good thing Bill’s employer, Fox News, is beyond reproach in its hiring practices, as we can see from these out-takes from the resumes of typical Fox employees.

*****

Penny Marshall is promoting her new book. I don’t understand why she’s not still directing big-screen movies. Did any filmmaker have a more impressive string of hits in the late ’80s and early ’90s than Marshall did with Big, Awakenings, and A League of Their Own?

*****

Meanwhile, on Survivor ….

24Oct

The End of Men

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by Hanna Rosin

Barring some sort of nuclear catastrophe, in which case all of those post-apocalyptic movies will come true and Denzel Washington will rule the Earth, it looks as though Rosin is correct: The end of male dominance as an economic and social force is nearly here. Rosin makes a convincing argument that the future belongs to the gender more able to adapt to a health and service-oriented economy – and that ain’t Denzel. But if she thinks men will cede all that power with a whimper and not a bang, I think she’s mistaken. Here are a few of this lowly dinosaur’s gripes about her (well-written) book:

1) While cheering the advances women have made over the past 40 years, Rosin tells us, numerous times, that she is “mystified” by men’s reluctance or resistance to conform to the new, estrogen-fueled world order. But I’m mystified why she is mystified. Is it really so hard to grasp that any human being, regardless of sex, will be unhappy to relinquish money and power in exchange for … well, not much? If a man is passed over for promotion, subject to stagnant wages, and required to attend touchy-feely seminars in the workplace, should he really consider it an upside that he is also expected to go home and do more housework and change more diapers? That might sound like feminist nirvana, but it’s not exactly a brave new world for most men.

2) The title of the book is misleading. Rosin does address the “demise” of men, but she seems more interested in adding to the canon of literature about our new “you go girl” society and the hurdles that remain – for women. One chapter is devoted to women’s struggle to crash through the glass ceiling, a topic we’ve all heard about once or twice: “I’m sick of hearing how far we’ve come. I’m sick of hearing how much better situated we are now than before …. The fact is that so far as leadership is concerned, women in nearly every realm are nearly nowhere.” This is the lament of a female Harvard professor. I, for one, am “sick of hearing” people who are quite privileged whine about their world not being perfect.

3) Rosin is generally fair but doesn’t always contain her female bias. A passage about highly paid professional women dropping out of the workforce is described as a “tragedy,” and the blame for this tragedy is laid squarely on evil, equally high-paid husbands. Apparently, even at the top of the economic ladder, women reserve the right to play the victim card.

4) Rosin’s prescription for men is depressing. She is not pleased with the current state of gender relations, in which many couples have a sort of Ma and Pa Kettle arrangement, with Ma running everything and Pa playing video games. Can’t blame a girl for resenting that. But, dear lord, I can’t help but feel for boys in the future, because Rosin, a mother of two boys herself, draws inspiration from this Korean woman’s child-rearing example: “Stephanie Lee is doing her part to make sure the next generation of men will make a clean break. She has taught her son to speak softly, and she buys him pink stuffed animals and enrolls him in cooking and ballet instead of tae kwan do, even if he’s the only boy in the class, even if the teachers object.” Says Lee, “He needs a more feminine side.” And I need a drink.

22Oct

Free Flick of the Week: “The Hound of the Baskervilles”

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Sherlock Holmes is everywhere these days, but the eccentric sleuth has been around for a long time. Check out my review of Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce as Holmes and Watson in 1939’s The Hound of the Baskervilles, or click here to watch the movie.

22Oct

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939)

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Watson: “That’s a fine way to treat me, I must say!”

Holmes: “Sit down, Watson, do sit down. Perhaps a little supper will help you

to get over your huff.”

Watson (roaring): “Huff? I’m in no huff!”

— Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce in The Hound of the Baskervilles, their first pairing as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes is everywhere in 2012: a BBC series, a CBS series and, with Robert Downey, Jr. as the celebrated sleuth, once again on the silver screen. And wherever Holmes goes, so goes Watson (although in the CBS version, Watson goes there in high heels).

Arthur Conan Doyle purists tend to get huffy about Nigel Bruce’s rendition of Watson, which is often as a blithering, dithering oaf, but after re-watching 1939’s The Hound of the Baskervilles, I have to disagree with them. True, Bruce’s interpretation of the good doctor is not faithful to Doyle’s creation, but there’s good reason that his teaming with Rathbone was movie magic. Holmes, brilliant and intense though he is, is also a pompous know-it-all; with comic foil Watson at his side, Holmes’s genius is a lot easier to take. And in Hollywood, no one did genial companions better than Bruce.

This Hound also strays from Doyle in some of its plot elements, and there’s no escaping the fact that it’s a stretch to describe it (or any 73-year-old thriller) as “scary,” but the 20th Century Fox production is still a treat. The sets, constructed in a gigantic Fox sound studio, are beyond cool. Surreal, murky, rocky and in black-and-white, the outdoor scenes do look artificial — but in a gothic fantasyland manner, teeming with ominous shadows and phantom-like mists.

The story, for any eight-year-olds reading this, finds Holmes and Watson investigating the curse of Baskerville Hall, in which Baskerville descendants are said to fall prey to a devilish hound roaming the moors of Devon. The Hound of the Baskervilles is atypical Doyle because Holmes himself is absent for nearly a third of the story, leaving Watson to document and puzzle over spooky goings-on at the hall. But I love to watch Bruce’s Watson, so I have no problem with that. Grade: B+

Director: Sidney Lanfield Cast: Richard Greene, Basil Rathbone, Wendy Barrie, Nigel Bruce, Lionel Atwill, John Carradine, Barlowe Borland, Beryl Mercer, Morton Lowry Release: 1939

Watch the Full Movie (click here)

21Oct

The Weekly Review: October 14 – 20

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Don Rickles was on Jimmy Kimmel’s show the other night. Don Rickles, at 86, is still one of the funniest guys on the planet. Below, Rickles in 1976 with Frank Sinatra and Johnny Carson.

*****

Early-season TV report card

Elementary Not bad, although Jonny Lee Miller (above) as Sherlock Holmes isn’t all that captivating. Holmes should always, always seem bigger than life, and Miller simply doesn’t.

666 Park Avenue and Last Resort Mediocre stuff, the kind of shows you might watch while clipping your toenails, or gaining insight and wisdom at The Grouchy Editor.

American Horror Story: Asylum So far, so good. The season premiere was better than anything from last year’s series. And how about Jessica Lange (below) — ain’t she something?

*****

The Week in Headlines

The Feds are lucky that so many of these would-be bombers resemble The Three Stooges.

There’s a lot of squawking on Fox News about “who knew what” in regard to the attack on our diplomatic mission in Libya. I’d be more inclined to pay attention if Fox had been equally concerned about “who knew what” leading up to the war in Iraq.

Guess I won’t need to vote next month. From what I’m hearing, soccer moms and the good people of Ohio and Florida will decide this year’s election.

*****

Whoever coined the phrase, “There is no such thing as a stupid question,” was an idiot. I know, because I have lots of stupid questions. For example:

In movies about space travel, NASA capsules are often in danger of burning up in Earth’s atmosphere upon re-entry. So why wasn’t the dude who just made that record space jump in danger of burning up?

*****

Meanwhile, on Survivor ….

15Oct

Free Flick of the Week: “The Stranger”

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Orson Welles directs himself as a war criminal in hiding in a Connecticut college town, with Edward G. Robinson as the Nazi hunter on his trail. Watch it for free by clicking here.