The Collection
I’m tempted to slap The Collection with an “F” for its bare-bones plot and ridiculously excessive gore. However … if you are into splatter flicks — I generally am not — this sequel to The Collector is better than most of its gore-horror brethren thanks to a decent budget and some slick, fast-paced direction. Release: 2012 Grade: B-
*****
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane
The camera certainly loves Amber Heard, who plays one of six teens who (yawn) encounter trouble at an isolated ranch. Director Jonathan Levine also seems to love stilted dialogue, “scares” that don’t scare, and a twist that any horror-film fan can see coming from a mile away. This mediocrity was filmed in 2006 but sat on a shelf for seven years, awaiting distribution. Too bad it’s not still sitting there. Release: 2013 Grade: D+
*****
World War Z
Here’s proof that you can have an astronomical budget and Brad Pitt for a leading man … and still produce just another silly zombie movie. Brad plays a perfect family man (of course) who saves the world (naturally) while fighting off hordes of the undead. The zombies are not particularly original, but they do look cool in some overhead CGI shots. Release: 2013 Grade: C-
*****
End of Watch
If you’re not a big fan of police, End of Watch could change your mind — at least for a couple of hours, thanks to the chemistry between Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena as two patrolmen in South Central L.A. There isn’t a great deal of story, but it’s refreshing to watch a crime drama in which the cops are neither bad to the bone nor avenging super studs. Release: 2012 Grade: B+
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
“In space … apparently you can hear all kinds of weird shit.”
*****
War Drums Update
Irritating phrase of the week: “trust, but verify”
Irritating word of the week: “degrading”
If you trust in something (or someone), there is no need to verify. If you bomb somebody (or something), it is not “degrading.” Degrading is what happens to the nerd in high school who gets his pants pulled down in the cafeteria.
*****
CNN’s Crossfire: I can’t bring myself to watch it, because it features Newt Gingrich with his fat, smarmy persona and castrato voice. Did I mention that I don’t care for Newt Gingrich?
*****
*****
Whatever your feelings about the show itself, is there another program that does cooler trailers than American Horror Story?
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Just when you think it’s a waste of time to seek your soul mate on Internet dating sites, this sexy, highly desirable couple breaks up, adding more goodness to the dating pool.
*****
I don’t know a thing about these striking Mexican teachers and their issues, but I do know that, of all professions, there is no group that I associate more with the word “whining” than teachers.
*****
“No one had done that in 44 years.” — CBS’ Scott Pelley, praising Peyton Manning’s record-tying seven touchdown passes in the NFL opener.
Pelley did not mention the name of the quarterback who last accomplished the feat — poor Joe Kapp. The last time we heard from old Joe was in 2011 when the 73-year-old former Viking was videotaped brawling onstage with 74-year-old Angelo Mosca. Jostling Joe is at left in the pictures.
I dunno, I think the old-fart fisticuffs might be more impressive than seven touchdowns.
*****
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
by Charles Todd
A test of patience for whodunit fans, as a Scotland Yard inspector conducts a monotonous series of interrogations with small-town murder suspects. “Charles Todd” (the nom de plume for a mother and son writing team) has also invested the inspector’s conscience with an annoying presence – the voice of “Hamish,” a Scottish soldier whom our hero sentenced to death during World War I. I will say this for the authors: Their “big reveal” at novel’s end is not a bore; rushed, overwrought, and utterly ridiculous, certainly, but not a bore.
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Damn, I’m old. I had to look up “twerking.” But I’m still not sure. Is Miley Cyrus twerking in the picture above? Or is that spelunking?
*****
Makes sense to me. I don’t think that humans, at least, belong on this planet, and the evidence for this is overwhelming: 1. Unless you live in Hawaii, there is practically no place on Earth with a comfortable climate; you either need to strip down to escape the heat, or bundle up to ward off the cold. Of all life forms on Earth, only humans have this need for artificial clothing. 2. Everything we like to ingest — chocolate, alcohol, tobacco, heroin, Miley Cyrus — is bad for us. Everything good for us — water, green vegetables, PBS — is a crashing bore. Things had to be better on the red planet.
*****
Just listened to Obama’s speech. Apparently, there will be no new war in the Middle East this week. Be sure to check in again next week. …
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Jerk of the Week: Arianna Huffington
The media queen plans to ban anonymous comments from The Huffington Post, apparently because her cocktail-party pals have had their feelings hurt. Better to stifle honest discourse than to offend the high and mighty, right Arianna?
*****
It’s been a tough month for former teen idol David Cassidy. First, busted for squatting at J.Lo’s house, and then nailed for DUI. Sorry, dude, but that wig doesn’t fool us.
*****
Broadchurch: As we’ve come to expect from British television, this is a smart and entertaining whodunit. My problem is with the lead detective (David Tennant, above with Olivia Colman). Either as written or performed by Tennant, I’m not sure which, this guy is so relentlessly sour and unpleasant that I find myself sympathizing with anyone he encounters — including all of the murder suspects.
*****
Quote of the Week:
“I just thought there was no way they could find people this awful in the world. But they did.” — houseguest Elissa, describing her initial impression of fellow cast members on Big Brother
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
by Randy Wayne White
Stop me if any of this sounds familiar: A rugged loner with a mysterious past lives on the Florida coast, interrupting his sojourn with nature (and beer) just long enough to seduce every woman in sight and to do battle with megalomaniacal bad guys, in this case a militaristic pedophile from Central America. White’s plot and characters don’t carry a gram of originality, but I suppose that when you buy one of his books, just as when you buy anything by Lee Child, you know what you want and you want what you know.
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Baseball’s Bold Move
Major League Baseball announced that it will add more instant-replay challenges to games, beginning next year. Great idea. Complaints have been rampant about the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it, rapid pace of baseball, so anything that slows down the game has got to be a good thing.
*****
I keep seeing Barbara Starr doing special reports for CNN. Someone at that network obviously needs to be chastened, because this is not in keeping with standard cable-news practice of featuring nothing but Hooters-girl journalism.
*****
God help me, I am a sucker for hidden-camera shows, no matter if they are real, or obviously staged. TruTV’s (Impractical) Jokers is the epitome of stupid-funny, and I love it.
*****
I’m going to stop making fun of “conspiracy nuts.” Area 51, NSA spying, black boxes in our cars, ad infinitum. The government, led by Professor Obama, is much too fond of keeping secrets … and Jesse Ventura is looking less crazy to me every day.
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
Now there are two reasons to skip Lee Daniels’ The Butler — Oprah, and Lee Daniels.
*****
“What is wrong with people?” — Shepard Smith, pretty much speaking for all of us.
*****
Not sure why this is considered news. Isn’t this knucklehead wrong about nearly everything?
*****
Jimmy Fallon had Fran Lebowitz (above) on his show. Every talk show needs more Fran Lebowitzes — and fewer Hollywood starlets.
*****
From Entertainment Weekly:
“The Oscars Atone with Ellen: That was the message when the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences tapped Ellen DeGeneres, 55, to emcee the Academy Awards on March 2, 2014. The fact that a woman was selected felt like a well-earned apology for the arguably sexist humor of this year’s Seth MacFarlane.”
Yes, because in hiring MacFarlane, the Oscars reached out to a straight-male audience, and as a result its ratings went up. Don’t want to repeat that mistake, right, Entertainment Weekly?
© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)
