The Grouchy Editor

 

Bah Humbugs

 

I’m tired of television news’s obsession with everything that goes “viral” on the Internet. Just because the Web is an unfiltered cesspool of bullshit and bad taste, must TV follow suit?

Steve Harvey’s screw-up at the Miss Universe pageant was mildly amusing, but it “went viral,” and so was broadcast endlessly on every television newscast from coast to coast. News directors, please get a grip.

 

*****

 

 

Aside from airing great movies, the best thing about TCM is that it’s a refuge from the onslaught of commercials we get on every other basic-cable channel. TCM’s new “wine club” spots look an awful lot like commercials to me. Go ahead, TCM, ruin a good thing.

 

*****

 

 

“I think a lot of people are feeling that, right now, like this is the conversation that we’re having in America, about who wants to lead the free world?” — reporter Christina Bellantoni lamenting the level to which the Trump-driven political debate has sunk.

Bellantoni was referencing Hillary Clinton’s now-famous bathroom break and Donald Trump’s subsequent rude comments, but it could be worse. We could be discussing our prime minister having sex with a pig’s head.

 

*****

 

Jennifer Lawrence is opening a new movie about the inventor of the Miracle Mop. I understand that sex sells, but I still don’t feel that this poster is appropriate:

 

 

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“I am telling you, this movie is stupid.” – Neil Cavuto, decrying the ridiculous hype over Star Wars.

 

It’s not often that I agree with the pig man, but Cavuto’s right. It would be nice if the media would stop indulging the millions of arrested-development fans of this silly series.

 

*****

 

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.                          Rick Moranis                                                          Enrique Marquez

 

I can’t be the only one who saw pictures of alleged terrorism conspirator Enrique Marquez, above right, and thought that the feds had arrested Rick Moranis, above left.

 

*****

 

 

Why is it that our biggest warmongers are so often spineless little twerps like Greg Gutfeld? Gutfeld, one of the shrillest of Fox voices, is forever demanding troops on the ground, or more bombing, or whatever. Meanwhile, the diminutive dimwit looks as if he’d have trouble defending himself against a puff of wind.

 

*****

 

Here’s a picture and headline leading in to a Huffington Post story about that harmless little activity, the consumption of alcohol. Smiling, attractive young people relaxing on a picture-perfect day …

 

 

Can you imagine the same lead-in to a story about smokers and smoking?

 

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Bad Mouthing, Bad Manners, and Bad Hair

 

Pictured above is former FBI profiler James R. Fitzgerald, whose hair fascinates me.

Fitzgerald was Erin Burnett’s guest on Tuesday, discussing the San Bernardino killer couple, but I didn’t register anything he said. I was much too distracted by that hair.

 

*****

 

All branches of the military open to women? Sounds good. Now let’s make sure that all women also register for the draft.

 

*****

 

 

“Listening is always your best friend.” – Chris Cuomo, above, crowing about his interview skills with Donald Trump.

I listened to that interview, and I stopped counting after Cuomo had interrupted Trump 10 times in the first 8 minutes.

 

*****

 

 

“I mean, this guy is such a total pussy, it’s stunning.” – Retired Lt. Col. Ralph Peters, above, voicing his displeasure with Obama on Fox News.

Coming from a guy who speaks with a castrato voice, I’d say that Peters probably knows whereof he speaks.

 

*****

 

 

Good call on The Martian, Golden Globes, because as I watched the movie I was constantly either chuckling at the jokes or humming along to the catchy tunes.

 

*****

 

And finally, I visited James R. Fitzgerald’s Web site because I wanted to see more pictures of his hair:

 

 

 

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I’m only 15 years late to the party, but I finally watched the first season of Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, and the show is an absolute delight.

It’s a sitcom that your grumpy, Fox-watching, conservative uncle might enjoy. It’s about rich people problems – in other words, not really problems at all – but cantankerous, foot-in-mouth Larry sells every episode. It made me laugh out loud, and sitcoms do not make me laugh out loud.

 

**

 

More TV tidbits:

The Netflix import River is a pretty good cop drama. Stellan Skarsgard plays a detective in London who sees dead people, but don’t let that scare you off. Skarsgard is one talented actor who seems to get better with age.

 

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Aziz Ansari’s Master of None on Netflix reminds me of Inside Amy Schumer. Both shows are clever and topical, but they tend to wallow in political correctness and can be preachy. And yes, I realize that summation makes me sound like your grumpy, Fox-watching, conservative uncle.

 

Don’t know about you, but I’ve had it with vampires and zombies. On the other hand, I have not yet OD’d on demons. If you haven’t seen Ash vs. Evil Dead on Starz, you’re missing a terrifically entertaining trio of demon hunters in Dana DeLorenzo, Bruce Campbell, and Ray Santiago (left to right below).

 

 

*****

 

The copycat media falls in love with certain words and just won’t let go. For example, news events are no longer ongoing or developing, they are “fluid.” This week we got a new term of media endearment: “hybrid.”

 

*****

 

Philanthropist John Studzinski gave a speech about Talitha Kum, a network of nuns who dress like prostitutes and infiltrate brothels to rescue victims of sex trafficking:

 

 

But can we trust a story about sex with a dude named Studzinski and nuns called Talitha Kum? And should the sisters, who trust no one, trust the Trust Women Conference?

 

*****

 

The Huffington Post is still looking for a few good proofreaders:

 

 

Incidentally, the Netflix-distributed Beasts of No Nation is generating Oscar buzz, but I’m not a big fan of the movie. The problem is that the protagonist is played by a very young actor who, I’m afraid, wasn’t up to the task of carrying an entire film.

 

*****

 

 

“We have to go out with the mind-set that it’s a dogfight.” – Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, above, explaining how to win games.

 

Bet he wouldn’t say that if Michael Vick was his quarterback.

 

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“When did we become a nation of anti-uncle bigots?” – Andy Levy on Fox’s Red Eye

 

Levy has a point. Why is it that we want to avoid our “crazy uncle” at Thanksgiving dinner? Why are children warned to stay away from “creepy uncle”? Are there no crazed, opinionated aunts out there? No sinister grandparents?

 

 

Uncle Fester 

 

*****

 

Talking Turkey

 

When Turkey shot down a Russian fighter jet, Fox’s Neil Cavuto turned to Lt. Gen. David Deptula for analysis:

 

Cavuto:  “I’m surprised this kind of thing didn’t happen sooner. Aren’t you?”

Deptula:  “Well, it’s not, it’s certainly a possibility, a probability, it happened, so, I don’t know if I’m surprised it hasn’t already happened, but the fact of the matter is, it did happen, and it’s very unfortunate.”

 

I don’t know about you, but I feel I have a much better grasp of the situation now.

 

*****

 

Jodi Arias defense attorney Kirk Nurmi has written a book in which he describes the heartfelt devotion he held for his client. An excerpt:

 

 

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Bunker Hillary

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

World War III:  Seems obvious that the best man for the job is Hillary.

 

*****

 

 

I’m so glad that my college years are a distant memory. Don’t think I could stomach going into permanent debt for the privilege of spending four long years in the midst of so many entitled brats.

 

 

*****

 

 

Who the fuck is this asshole Julian Castro? Apparently, the obnoxious little shit believes that he’s my daddy – yours, too, if you smoke.

 

*****

 

Something bad happened in Paris, but apparently the world doesn’t require The Grouchy Editor’s input. One or two other media outlets seem to be covering the story.

 

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Wow. Maybe we should stop picking on these guys and start treating them like the true American heroes that they are. Right?

 

*****

 

 

Looking Good on TV:

Quentin Tarantino on MSNBC. I’m not a big fan of Tarantino’s movies. He annoys me on talk shows.  I think his films, although well-crafted, usually have dumb subject matter. But after watching him refuse to back down in the face of public pressure, primarily from police unions, I have more respect for him.

 

**

 

 

Looking Bad on TV:

George Will on Fox News. “You’re a hack!” screamed Bill O’Reilly, angry about a column Will wrote that criticized O’Reilly’s book about Ronald Reagan. Will meekly took the verbal beatdown, looking like a little boy caught pissing in a cookie jar.

 

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Grading the Late-night Comics

 

Jimmy Fallon

 

What’s Good:  His monologues are sharp.

 

What’s Bad:  His guests are all fantastic! Their shows and movies and songs and books are the greatest!

 

**

 

Seth Meyers

 

What’s Good:  He’s still doing Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update,” and he’s still doing it well.

 

What’s Bad:  I can tolerate only so much of that girlish giggle.

 

**

 

Conan O’Brien

 

 What’s Good:  His monologues and ad-libs are clever.

 

What’s Bad:  He’s on TBS, so he gets stuck with C-level guests and I tend to forget that he’s on.

 

**

 

James Corden 

 

What’s Good:  His musical partner, Reggie Watts, is the best of the bunch.

 

What’s Bad:  He has Jimmy Fallon Disease, in that his head goes so far up his guests’ butts that you’re not sure where he’s gone.

 

**

 

Trevor Noah

 

 What’s Good:  I don’t know because I refuse to watch him.

 

What’s Bad:  He still hasn’t apologized for his Twitter diss of two-thirds of the country (those of us in “Flyover Land”), so I won’t apologize for ignoring his show.

 

**

 

Stephen Colbert 

 

What’s Good:  He has interesting guests … even some authors!

 

What’s Bad:  I don’t find him the least bit funny.

 

**

 

Jimmy Kimmel 

 

What’s Good:  He’s middle-of-the-road. Not bad, not great.

 

What’s Bad:  Time to dump that tired Matt Damon bit.

 

*****

 

 

Here’s an unexpected Halloween treat: Starz is premiering Ash vs. Evil Dead today, and it doesn’t suck. In fact, the opening episode is downright entertaining.

As a bonus, for anyone wondering whatever happened to Dana DeLorenzo, frequent dancing partner for Craig Ferguson on his old late-night show (below, not dancing), she has a starring role.

 

 

*****

 

“Sugar”

 

“Back when I covered that Duke fake rape case, I had to go in a bunch of strip clubs, right? Because I was investigating this stripper. And one of the guys who managed the club told me, ‘I got the name for you, if you ever decide to come into the business.’ So the guy told me that I would be named Sugar.” — Megyn Kelly, explaining what no one asked her to explain.

It might, however, explain a thing or two about Megyn Kelly.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

TV Update

 

The so-called Golden Age of Television has spoiled us. Most new and returning series this fall are good, bad, or average – with one great exception.

 

Two-sentence reviews:

 

Manhattan – This drama about WWII scientists building the bomb is like physics: brainy, but lacking in soul. Try as I might, I just don’t care about the characters. Grade: C+

 

Scream Queens – Ryan Murphy sanitizes – barely – Scary Movie for network TV.  I really should like this show about terrorized sorority girls more than I do, because I often feel that as a teenage girl trapped in a middle-aged man’s body, I must be in the target demo. Grade: B-

 

Fargo – So Fargo, so good. It might be the perfect series if they’d just ditch those stereotypical Minnesota accents (you betcha I am biased). Grade: A-

 

The Last Man on Earth – Gilligan’s Island, but with an actual IQ. Normally, I’m not a big fan of sitcoms, but this one wears well. Grade: B+

 

 

The Carbonaro Effect – It’s a hidden-camera show. I am a sucker for hidden-camera shows. Grade: B+

 

The Last Kingdom – BBC America presents Game of Thrones without the nudity. Who on Earth wants that?

From Britain’s The Independent:

 

 

Nice to know that the good folks at The Independent share my aversion to fully-clothed dry humps. Grade: B-

 

American Horror Story: Hotel – It looks great, but the plot is aimless, recycled horror from the omnipresent Ryan Murphy. The only real suspense comes from guessing how much gratuitous male-model ass Murphy will display in each episode. Grade: C

p.s. Has anyone else noticed that, despite her Oscar for Misery, Kathy Bates can’t act worth a lick?

 

***** 

 

From The Huffington Post:

 

 

I did that, too. And tomorrow, I plan to take my first-ever shower!

 

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