The Grouchy Editor

How to Move to America and Win Over Americans:

Wander through an L.A. neighborhood with a CBS camera crew in tow, knock on doors until you find a willing participant, and then film your entire show from … Tommy’s house.  Jeff Goldblum and Beck show up, and then you all play hide-and-seek in the messy house.  Oh, and also bring along a big snake.

How to Move to America and Immediately Piss Off Two-Thirds of Your Audience:

Like most people, I hadn’t heard of Trevor Noah (below) when Comedy Central tagged him to host The Daily Show.  So I watched his stand-up routine on Netflix.  The guy is whip-smart and provocative.  That’s a good thing.  He’s also a professional comic who doesn’t know how to use Twitter. That’s a bad thing.

As for Noah’s fellow comics who leaped to his defense when all hell broke loose over his tweets (above), including Patton Oswalt and Jim Norton … they can dish it, but apparently they can’t take it.  Aren’t stand-up comedians supposed to have thick skin?

*****

From The Huffington Post:

Oh yeah, if that doesn’t get her to change her mind, nothing will.

*****

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

*****

I don’t understand what it is about late-night comics that compels them, once they get a new show or time slot, to celebrate by baring their butts.  Jimmy Fallon gets The Tonight Show and treats the world to a picture of his ass.  Jimmy Kimmel gets an earlier time slot and accompanies the big news with a peek at his plumber’s butt.   And now this from James Corden:

As for Corden’s debut on CBS, critics are describing the British host as “adorable,” “cute,” and “pleasant.”  Teddy bears are adorable, cute, and pleasant.  They are also what you give to children to put them to sleep at night – not sure that’s the effect CBS is going for.

*****

I keep watching great short series that become mediocre long series.  Showrunners take a tight, compelling drama and water it down, pad it out, and reduce A-quality shows to B-quality shows.  Latest examples: The Fall and Bloodline (above), both on Netflix.  If you’ve told the tale in five or six or eight episodes, just end it, please.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

“Did you know Richard Gere’s middle name is Tiffany?” – a character on the sitcom Schitt’s Creek

I didn’t know that, but apparently it’s true.  Poor Richard Gere.   As if that whole hamster … er, gerbil thing wasn’t enough.

By the way, Schitt’s Creek is actually a pretty good show — if you can find it.

*****

I understand why Brooke was excited and took to Twitter.  It must be an exhilarating feeling for a CNN anchor to actually have an audience.

*****

In light of Benjamin Netanyahu’s big win in Israel, we wanted to reserve some space in “The Weekly Review,” just in case we thought of something nice to say about him:

**

In light of Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz’s courageous stand against racism by forcing his company’s low-wage employees to dig out their sociology degrees and engage grumpy customers in race-related conversations, we also wanted to reserve some space, just in case we thought of something nice to say about him:

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

TV Update

Shows I like  …  kind of,  sort of,  just a little bit: 

Bates Motel, The Last Man on Earth

My interest is waning:

House of Cards.   It’s still a good show, but the Evil Underwoods factor is beginning to wear a bit thin.

Good show, but I am not in the target audience:

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.  Star Ellie Kemper is amusing, but I don’t find jokes about expensive shoes particularly funny – yet I realize that a lot of people do.  Kimmy seems aimed at the folks who keep up with Kardashians, consume whatever’s on E!, and subscribe to Star magazine.

I’m hooked: 

Better Call Saul.  It might not be Breaking Bad, but then again, what is?

*****

“And did you know she was my former babysitter?” – Gretchen Carlson, referring to Michele Bachmann.  That might explain a thing or two.  The Grouch, who is from Minnesota, wonders why all of these right-wing crazy women seem to come from Minnesota.

**

“These are sick, sick people, indeed, destroying these historic artifacts in these ancient cities some 3,000 years old.” – Wolf Blitzer, referring to ISIS trashing museums and precious art.  Silly me.  At first,  I thought Wolf was referring to the American idiots who carved their initials into the Roman Coliseum.

**

“Bacon and guns – like a dream come true for me.” – Kimberly Guilfoyle on The Five.  That’s pretty much all you need to know about Kimberly Guilfoyle.

*****

From The Huffington Post:

From The Huffington Post, one hour later:

I prefer the first headline, don’t you?

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

What We’re Hating This Week:

William Shatner hate:  Shatner drew the ire of Star Trek fans for failing to attend Leonard Nimoy’s funeral.  Screw the trekkies; I’m on Bill’s side.  Isn’t it possible that, like Klingons and tribbles, their ballyhooed “friendship” was a fiction?

**

Saturday Night Live hate:  Some viewers were offended by an SNL spoof of girls running off to join ISIS.  Screw those viewers; I’m on SNL’s side.  The show finally did a skit that made me laugh out loud, and people are complaining?

**

Jodi Arias hate:  If we’re going to put black men to death on a regular basis, we ought to be able to put an attractive white woman to death — at least once in awhile.  That is, if we’re going to put anyone to death.  Silver lining:  Nancy Grace is upset with the hung jury, and it’s always fun to see Nancy Grace upset.

**

Sheryl Sandberg hate:  Facebook’s Sandberg was on Fox advocating for men sharing more household and childrearing chores.

“On the home front, couples that share responsibility 50-50 are happier, lower divorce, more sex,” said Sandberg.  Sounds good.  But then she cited an example of a man on board with her campaign:  “We got LeBron James with a sign [that reads] ‘All-Star Dad.’”

Great example, because we all know that LeBron James does 50 percent of the childrearing and household chores in his home.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Greg Gutfeld, right, holds court on his final Red Eye

Good Greg, Bad Greg

Fox News court jester Greg Gutfeld hosted his final Red Eye on Friday, which leaves me with mixed emotions.

There is Good Greg, and there is Bad Greg.  Good Greg most often showed up on Red Eye.  Bad Greg materializes on other Fox programming, most notably The Five.

Gutfeld shined on Red Eye because he is quick-witted, creative, and wields a warped sense of humor.  No one took him seriously on Red Eye – including and especially himself.  The result was a talk show that was often funnier than Bill Maher’s Real Time or Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show.  But then there is Bad Greg.

Bad Greg can still be found weekdays on The Five, another panel show on which Gutfeld is expected to tone down the humor and offer his (somewhat) serious political insights.  This is where we witness Gutfeld’s off-putting anger, and his desire to please The Powers That Be at Fox, including Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes.

Gutfeld is developing a new weekend series for Fox.  Time will tell whether it’s hosted by Good Greg or Bad Greg.

*****

Academy Awards Ratings Dip

Hollywood, in general, produces two kinds of movies:  superhero/comic book/special-effects franchise films that please teenagers and viewers in China, and independent, small-budget “prestige” pictures.  Millions of people see the blockbusters, which aren’t good enough to win Oscars.  Nobody sees the smaller films, which are often Oscar-worthy but, again, nobody sees them.

Unless Tinseltown rediscovers its sweet spot – movies that are good and popular – Oscar ratings will continue to slide.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Bill Maher whined about having to watch so many reports about New England snowstorms.  This, coming from a guy who lives in a state that gets nonstop news coverage of mudslides, wildfires, and minor earthquakes – Mother Nature events that bore the crap out of most non-Californians.

*****

The danger of watching too much Fox News is that, if you’re not careful, you can become like Tom Hanks and Wilson the volleyball in Cast Away:  You might begin to think of the mindless Fox pundits as your pals.

I don’t make fun of Fox all that much, simply because there are not enough hours in the day.  Here are a couple of dumb Fox quotes from this week:

Dana Perino on The Five:  “I was thinking, you know, President Obama is very attractive.”

OK, so we took that quote a bit out of context, but it seems obvious that Perino lusts for Obama in her heart.

The Five’s Greg Gutfeld considers himself an expert on words and grammar.  Gutfeld’s “banned phrase“ on Friday’s show:  “I Don’t Disagree.”

“You’d save a lot more time if you’d just say, ‘I agree,’” barked Gutfeld.

Uh, not really, because the two phrases aren’t synonymous.

“I don’t disagree” means you’re not sure; you might agree or you might disagree, but at the moment you’re not doing either because you haven’t made up your mind.

How about we ban Gutfeld until he gets a grasp of the English language?

*****

I was a bit surprised that Saturday Night Live didn’t parody Rachel Maddow on its big anniversary special last weekend.  But then I remembered that SNL has already parodied Maddow.  Quite a bit, in fact.  Who among us could ever forget “Pat”?

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

What  …  the  …  fuck?

*****

Brooke Baldwin (above left) was flummoxed by a daring prison escape in which two women dressed in skimpy police costumes managed to seduce the prison guards.

“I’m not laughing at all,” said Brooke.  “I’m just fixated on those little negligee outfits and thinking, how the heck did this whole thing happen over that?”

This might explain why you’re still single, Brooke.

*

Melissa Harris-Perry (above right) gushed over Eric Holder as she interviewed him for MSNBC, confessing that her pet name for Holder is “The Duck,” and asking him to … oh, never mind.

Sometimes it’s a good thing that nobody watches your show.

*****

As if we needed more reminders, we found out again this week just how much the media loves … the media.  Jon Stewart, Brian Williams, and David Carr all leaving the media?  I don’t seem to give a shit – do you?

In the grand scheme of things, Stewart’s ratings were insignificant, Williams was a pompous ass, and outside of the media world, no one knew who Carr was.

On the other hand, I am sorry to lose Bob Simon.

*****

Obama continues his crusade to prove that black presidents can be just as bad as white presidents.  Now if we can just get Hillary elected, we’ll learn that female presidents can be just as bad as male presidents.

*****

So according to The Huffington Post, there are now only 49 states?

*****

The CNN Quiz Show – What terrible timing.  Just when everyone is criticizing the blur of news and entertainment, thanks to Brian Williams, CNN decides to launch a game show in which it asks respected anchors to behave like a bunch of buffoons.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Grand Delusions

Apparently those of us worried about Rupert Murdoch taking over the world’s media have had misplaced concerns, because Rupert has had much bigger fish to fry:  the destruction of Randy Quaid.

I just watched Randy‘s new movie (above) and, I’ll have to say, the special effects are even more impressive than what we saw in Independence Day.

*****

What we suspected turns out to be true:  Brian Williams’s portrayal of Ted Baxter is more realistic than Bradley Cooper’s Oscar-nominated portrayal of Chris Kyle.

*

From The Huffington Post:

“Esposito referred HuffPost to an NBC News spokeswoman who declined to comment.”

Now that’s a job I’d love to have:  a spokeswoman who doesn’t have to speak.

*

I did a Google search for “late night comics hammer Brian Williams” and … I’m still searching.  With the exception of one zinger from Conan O’Brien, it appears that America’s hard-hitting, edgy kings of late night — am looking at you, Jimmy Fallon and David Letterman — prefer to let their buddy Brian off the hook.

*****

Lots of smug giggles over the old television clip of Bryant Gumbel and Katie Couric discussing “what Internet is.”

I still don’t know what Internet is.  As far as I’m concerned, Internet is something magic in the air that puts pictures and sound into a glass box on my desk.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Deflated Ass of the Week:

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, who lectured us about the “integrity” of a league that routinely extorts millions of dollars from taxpayers to build stadiums with seats that only the one percent can afford to buy, while Goodell pockets $300 million in personal salary.

*****

I have to wonder if HLN gasbags Drew Pinsky and Nancy Grace enjoy sharing Tuesday prime time with the king of YouTube farts, Jack Vale.

*****

A high-school student was caught on video pummeling a teacher who had the temerity to take away the kid’s cell phone.  Dr. Keith Ablow’s analysis for Fox News:  “The reason this has gone national, and viral, is because we all know now how connected we are to these devices.  Mobile technology has become integrated into our psyches.”

Silly me.  I thought the video went viral because it shows a high-school student pummeling his teacher.

***** 

How to Ensure No One Will Watch Your Show:

“You’ve all now seen the inside of my colon.  I’m sorry.” – Morgan Spurlock, plugging his filmed colonoscopy.

*****

The Voice of Authority:

“I don’t believe he’s [Mitt Romney] not gonna run.” – Fox ace political analyst Stacey Dash.  I had been waiting for Charles Krauthammer’s opinion about Romney’s surprise exit, but now that Dash has spoken, I consider the matter settled.

Another Voice of Authority:

“America is at its most puritanical.” – Lena Dunham, complaining about something.   But Lena has a point.  Some of us recall growing up in the 1960s and watching uninhibited fare like The Dick van Dyke Show, in which Dick might be seen “motorboating” Mary Tyler Moore over the kitchen sink.

If only America weren’t so prudish today, perhaps Lena could do something like that on Girls.

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)