The Grouchy Editor

Grading the Late-night Comics

 

Jimmy Fallon

 

What’s Good:  His monologues are sharp.

 

What’s Bad:  His guests are all fantastic! Their shows and movies and songs and books are the greatest!

 

**

 

Seth Meyers

 

What’s Good:  He’s still doing Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update,” and he’s still doing it well.

 

What’s Bad:  I can tolerate only so much of that girlish giggle.

 

**

 

Conan O’Brien

 

 What’s Good:  His monologues and ad-libs are clever.

 

What’s Bad:  He’s on TBS, so he gets stuck with C-level guests and I tend to forget that he’s on.

 

**

 

James Corden 

 

What’s Good:  His musical partner, Reggie Watts, is the best of the bunch.

 

What’s Bad:  He has Jimmy Fallon Disease, in that his head goes so far up his guests’ butts that you’re not sure where he’s gone.

 

**

 

Trevor Noah

 

 What’s Good:  I don’t know because I refuse to watch him.

 

What’s Bad:  He still hasn’t apologized for his Twitter diss of two-thirds of the country (those of us in “Flyover Land”), so I won’t apologize for ignoring his show.

 

**

 

Stephen Colbert 

 

What’s Good:  He has interesting guests … even some authors!

 

What’s Bad:  I don’t find him the least bit funny.

 

**

 

Jimmy Kimmel 

 

What’s Good:  He’s middle-of-the-road. Not bad, not great.

 

What’s Bad:  Time to dump that tired Matt Damon bit.

 

*****

 

 

Here’s an unexpected Halloween treat: Starz is premiering Ash vs. Evil Dead today, and it doesn’t suck. In fact, the opening episode is downright entertaining.

As a bonus, for anyone wondering whatever happened to Dana DeLorenzo, frequent dancing partner for Craig Ferguson on his old late-night show (below, not dancing), she has a starring role.

 

 

*****

 

“Sugar”

 

“Back when I covered that Duke fake rape case, I had to go in a bunch of strip clubs, right? Because I was investigating this stripper. And one of the guys who managed the club told me, ‘I got the name for you, if you ever decide to come into the business.’ So the guy told me that I would be named Sugar.” — Megyn Kelly, explaining what no one asked her to explain.

It might, however, explain a thing or two about Megyn Kelly.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

TV Update

 

The so-called Golden Age of Television has spoiled us. Most new and returning series this fall are good, bad, or average – with one great exception.

 

Two-sentence reviews:

 

Manhattan – This drama about WWII scientists building the bomb is like physics: brainy, but lacking in soul. Try as I might, I just don’t care about the characters. Grade: C+

 

Scream Queens – Ryan Murphy sanitizes – barely – Scary Movie for network TV.  I really should like this show about terrorized sorority girls more than I do, because I often feel that as a teenage girl trapped in a middle-aged man’s body, I must be in the target demo. Grade: B-

 

Fargo – So Fargo, so good. It might be the perfect series if they’d just ditch those stereotypical Minnesota accents (you betcha I am biased). Grade: A-

 

The Last Man on Earth – Gilligan’s Island, but with an actual IQ. Normally, I’m not a big fan of sitcoms, but this one wears well. Grade: B+

 

 

The Carbonaro Effect – It’s a hidden-camera show. I am a sucker for hidden-camera shows. Grade: B+

 

The Last Kingdom – BBC America presents Game of Thrones without the nudity. Who on Earth wants that?

From Britain’s The Independent:

 

 

Nice to know that the good folks at The Independent share my aversion to fully-clothed dry humps. Grade: B-

 

American Horror Story: Hotel – It looks great, but the plot is aimless, recycled horror from the omnipresent Ryan Murphy. The only real suspense comes from guessing how much gratuitous male-model ass Murphy will display in each episode. Grade: C

p.s. Has anyone else noticed that, despite her Oscar for Misery, Kathy Bates can’t act worth a lick?

 

***** 

 

From The Huffington Post:

 

 

I did that, too. And tomorrow, I plan to take my first-ever shower!

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

.                   

 

I can’t decide if Hillary Clinton tormentor Trey Gowdy, above left, is actually Voldemort with a wig and eyebrows, or Draco Malfoy all grown up.

 

.                   

 

*****

 

In case you missed it, here is a picture of our future First Lady’s rear end, should her husband Donald get elected:

 

 

*****

 

Should The Donald not get elected, he can always get a job proofreading at The Huffington Post:

 

 

*****

 

Speaking of perky butts, when did female volleyball players begin playing the sport in their panties? (Click on thumbnails for larger views. Then click on the picture again — trust us, you probably want to do this.)

 

.                  

.              

.       

.               

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

House of Representatives

 

It did seem appropriate that someone named Kevin McCarthy would flee in terror from a bunch of pod people.

 

*****

 

 

If ever there was a facial expression that said, “I’m tired of this shit. Bacon doesn’t cut it anymore. Just let me die now,” it’s this one.

 

*****

 

My earliest recollection of Hillary Clinton’s personality is from 1994, when David Letterman’s mother interviewed the First Lady at the Winter Olympics in Lillehammer, Norway. I remember thinking that Hillary seemed like a good sport; charming and nice.

I haven’t felt that way about her since.

 

*****

 

 

Daniel Craig was asked if he would consider playing James Bond again.

“I’d rather break this glass and slash my wrists,” Craig said.

For such a sweet-natured guy like Craig to complain, there must be something truly grueling about the job.

 

*****

 

 

I guess critics read the title and took it as a directive.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

We watched The Loft on Netflix – just a so-so thriller. But it was encouraging to see that gratuitous nudity is still a thing in mainstream movies. Above, Aussie actress Isabel Lucas moons us, for no apparent reason.

 

*****

 

Apparently this happened last week, and somehow, we missed it:

 

 

It does raise an interesting question: Will Hillary and Bernie be allowed to spank Anderson if they don’t like his questions when he moderates next week’s debate?

 

*****

 

The Huffington Post is still seeking a good proofreader:

 

 

*****

 

We’re waiting for the National Hurricane Center to announce a “Hurricane Muhammad.” You don’t suppose anyone will object, do you?

 

*****

 

 

This won’t come as news to actor Ebon Moss-Bachrach, pictured below with Girls star Allison Williams.

 

 

*****

 

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Scream Queens

 

The premiere of Ryan Murphy’s latest series was amusing, with some very clever bits – especially the texting-murder scene, which was brilliant.

But I’ll be shocked if advocates for the deaf aren’t howling over the depiction of one deaf character. Or perhaps they are howling, and I just can’t hear it.

 

 

*****

 

 

Conan O’Brien raised hackles over a joke about Fox News bimbos, in particular Jenna Lee (above: “Fox News Anchor or Porn Star?”).

“This trashy comment is not only inappropriate, it’s clearly ridiculous,” sniffed Lee.

It’s a familiar complaint from the offended Lee, much like what we hear from aging Hollywood actresses: Yes, I climbed the ladder to stardom on the strength of my sex appeal, but listen up young women – it’s wrong and you shouldn’t do what I did.

 

*****

 

 

From Ben Tracy’s report on diversity in Hollywood for CBS Evening News – “Just 13 percent of female characters on television are African-American. 78 percent are white.”

How dreadful, especially since, according to the U.S. Census for 2014, African Americans constitute … 13 percent of the population.

 

*****

 

 

I’m not sure which is more embarrassing, watching John Boehner blubber like a gin-soaked infant, or watching the American media gush over the pope like teenage girls at a Beatles concert. Too bad there’s no “separation of church and media” in our Constitution.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Does Your Face Hurt? Because It’s …

 

“I think I know when someone’s flirting with me.” – Carly Fiorina, above, responding with good humor to Donald Trump’s insults about her face. In Trump World, Bernie Sanders is Mr. Magoo, and Fiorina is, apparently, Mr. Ed.

 

.                  

 

**

 

 

I’m not a big Rolling Stones fan, but I’ve found a kindred soul in Keith Richards, who trashed heavy metal and rap music. Richards is correct. Heavy metal is like a screeching cat, all volume and discordant noise, and rap is a monotonous metronome, all beat and no melody. Now get off my lawn.

 

**

 

 

First impression of Stephen Colbert’s late-night gig:  too much mugging and silliness, not enough good writing or wit. Colbert’s interviews aren’t bad, but his monologues seem aimed at 12-year-olds.

 

*****

 

“Social media thrives on divisiveness.” – author Jonathan Franzen, whining about our digital habits.

The people who complain most vociferously about social media are celebrities. It reminds me of the carping from traditional Hollywood when reality TV began to dominate the airwaves 15 years ago. Actors and writers felt threatened by competition from amateurs popping up on shows like American Idol and Survivor. Similarly, people with social clout, like Jonathan Franzen, are used to setting the tone of American culture, and they aren’t happy when Twitter and YouTube spawn competition.

 

*****

 

 

*****

 

A Canadian bimbo named Nicole Arbour rattled the Internet with a fat-shaming video. On one hand, Arbour’s YouTube rant is vulgar and mean-spirited. On the second hand, I don’t shed tears for the overweight because the overweight didn’t shed tears for me when, as a smoker, I was taxed and banned into near-oblivion. On the third hand — because don’t we all have three hands? — here are naked pictures of Arbour from a low-budget movie called, fittingly, Silent But Deadly.

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Politics in the Twilight Zone

 

We’ve grown accustomed to bizarre behavior from our Fearless Leaders, especially during election season, but every time we turned on the news this week, it felt like Rod Serling was writing the script:

 

 

The Boston Globe did a taped interview with Elizabeth Warren, above, after her well-publicized meeting with Vice President Joe Biden. At first we thought we were watching Warren do a cameo for a sitcom, or perhaps appearing in a Saturday Night Live skit.

 

The Globe guy would ask a reasonable question, Warren would dodge the question — and the audience would then erupt in what sounded like canned sitcom laughter. It was like they were watching Roseanne and Dan squabble at the kitchen table over Darlene’s latest shenanigans. Very strange.

 

**

 

 

Famous Catholic Joe Biden gave a speech wearing a yarmulke. Very odd.

 

**

 

 

Bug-eyed Harris Faulkner sued Hasbro for $5 million because the toy company produced a “Harris Faulkner” hamster. Very weird.

 

**

 

 

Lanny Davis was exposed in the Clinton e-mails as the most shameless butt kisser in Washington. Here are excerpts from a Lanny e-mail to his queen, in which he pleads for Her Majesty to say nice things about Lanny to a reporter doing a story about him:

 

My dear friend Hillary:

I hate to email you too much and to ask you for any favors. I feel as if I am taking advantage of a great privilege that you allow me to send you a personal email every so often.

Please please please (note there are three pleases): Do not be bashful or concerned about saying no to my request.

I didn’t want you to feel badly if you have to say no. But then again. The honest to goodness truth is: Aside from Carolyn, my four children, and my immediate family, I consider you to be the best friend and the best person I have met in my long life. You know that from the dedication and appreciation of you I have always felt and expressed to you over four decades.

Best and warmest regards,

Lanny

 

All of this weirdness almost makes Trump seem normal. Almost.

 

**

 

We here at Grouchy Editor sincerely appreciate reader comments, especially when they are as incisive and topical as this one:

 

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Trump

 

Would I vote for him for president? Not likely. He seems emotionally unstable, like a thin-skinned rich kid who holds grudges and allows anger to cloud his judgment. I don’t want that kid anywhere near “the button.”

Am I glad he’s in the race? Oh hell, yeah. He’s a breath of fresh air — or more accurately, a blast of foul wind — forcing the political and media elite to run for cover. Beltway blowhards are too fat, smug, and happy, and Trump has them jumping.

 

*****

 

 

I tried to make it through a single episode of WAGS on E!, but I lacked the intestinal fortitude. I could try to describe just how putrid this reality show about pro jocks’ wives and girlfriends (“WAGS” – get it?) truly is, but frankly, I don’t want to think about it anymore.

If you must read a review, here’s a good one at The Daily Beast.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)