The Grouchy Editor

Since this story is about Pocahontas, shouldn’t the headline read “Warren on the Warpath”?

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I used the bathroom at Target the other day and nothing happened. No protesters, no perverts. Very disappointing.

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Failed talk-show host Melissa Harris-Perry wore this t-shirt on Real Time with Bill Maher.

Flawless? Hmmm. Seems like if you are fired from your MSNBC talk show, which routinely attracted about six viewers, there might be a flaw or two somewhere in your clothes closet.

On the other hand, you do inform us on your Web site that you are an “intellectual,” and the t-shirt could be referring to your boobies ….

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Do I notice anything about this meeting? Oh, sure. Aside from the shocking lack of diversity and the smug expressions, as usual I see no proofreaders.

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I was watching a mediocre horror series called Slasher, produced by a channel you haven’t heard of, when I recognized a familiar butt. The shapely derriere belonged to an actress named Jessica Sipos, above, who also appeared in another mediocre series called Ascension.  I cannot recommend either of the mediocre shows, but I wholeheartedly endorse Jessica’s muscular cheeks, which compose our Butt of the Week.

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Crime and Punishment

For some strange reason, I’ve been on a true-crime bender. If you’re into that sort of thing, here are two decent offerings:

60 Days In (above) – This is basically Scared Straight! for the reality TV crowd. Seven regular citizens went undercover in an Indiana jail so that jail officials could get the inside scoop and A&E could get decent ratings. What does this show teach us? It taught me that it’s a bad thing to be a woman in jail, but it’s downright dangerous to be a man in jail.

Serial (Season One) – I’d forgotten how soothing it is to listen to bedtime stories, although this podcast, in which public radio’s Sarah Koenig investigates the murder of a Baltimore high school girl, could give you nightmares.

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They booed Kristen Stewart’s new movie at the Cannes Film Festival.

I’ve been going to the movies for many years, but never have I witnessed an audience actually boo what’s on screen. Apparently, movies do get jeered at Cannes. I’d like to see that. It’s now on my bucket list.

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There was an all-nude production of Shakespeare’s The Tempest in Central Park. That’s all you need to know.

Oh, but you probably want to see pictures. In the photos above and below, Kara Lynn is on the left and Marisa Roper is on the right. I think we can all agree that Ms. Roper has a fine ass. You’re welcome.

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Chelsea Handler’s talk show

Her monologue sucked, her interviews sucked, and her taped “comedy” bits were nothing more than advertisements for Netflix.

On the plus side, her pet dog, which wandered around the set during the show, seemed to be a good boy.

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Facebook’s “Trending” module is in the news because it (allegedly) suppresses conservative news. This trending feature is hailed as some of the most valuable real estate on the Internet.

Silly me. I’ve been on Facebook for years, and it wasn’t until yesterday that I even noticed the trending column. I thought it was a box for ads.

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I don’t understand why The Washington Post feels the need to assign 20 reporters to dig up dirt on Donald Trump. Wouldn’t one intern watching old Howard Stern videos be sufficient?

Speaking of Trump, the mere mention of his name causes editors at The Huffington Post to froth at the mouth and take leave of their senses. They also take leave of headline proofreaders:

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Trump’s taxes, Hillary’s transcripts

I don’t need to see Donald’s taxes; I’m quite certain he’s an unstable crook. I don’t need to read Hillary’s speech transcripts; I’m quite certain she’s a corrupt liar.

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No comment.

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Hey, I’m no fan of Trump, but I’m pretty sure that if you look into it, you will be able to find nutjobs who support each of the candidates — not just The Donald.

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Am trying to find a bright side to the increasingly likely prospect of a President Wall Street – er, President Hillary Clinton. I guess one is that, after a lifetime of listening to women blame men for the ills of the world, we men will finally be able to blame women.

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I’m thinking the journalists, politicians, and pundits scratching their heads over the Trump phenomenon are all missing the point. The point isn’t Trump; he’s just the instrument of voter rage. The voter is angry at the ruling class and wants it gone – especially the journalists, politicians, and pundits.

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I knew Prince had talent, but wow – meeting with a doctor as a corpse?

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Everyone is upset about the passing of Prince – especially here in Minnesnowta. The Grouch, who lives just a few miles from the legendary First Avenue nightclub, and just a few miles from celebrated Paisley Park, had much in common with the famous musician.

Grouch and Prince were the same age, and they were born in the same city. The Grouch, like The Purple One, is often unctuous and narcissistic. Both men were partial to hanging out in Walgreens parking lots. They cheered for the same dreadful Minnesota sports teams, and both enjoyed intimate relationships with Vanity and Apollonia – although in Grouch’s case the women might not have been aware of it.

Grouch wants to do his part in easing all of us into the post-Prince era, and has therefore released his first album, pictured below.

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The Downside of Feminism

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Quote of the Week:

“I’d like close-ups of all the boys’ penises, please.” – Emilia Clarke, lamenting the lack of male nudity on Game of Thrones.

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Clueless Quotes of the Week:

“I have three children now, under the age of four and a half, and it’s exhausting.” — Ivanka Trump, pictured above hard at work

Yes, I’m sure that with Ivanka’s lack of money and resources, childrearing is a real chore. 

“We already tax them [the rich] enough. They’re paying more than their fair share of taxes.”

and

“We text in theaters all the time.”

– attorney Christi Kunzig on taxing the rich and texting in movie theaters and challenging Ivanka Trump for most obnoxious comments of the week

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I suppose I’m just getting old, nostalgic, and cranky, but Antenna TV has been airing old episodes of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, and I’m enjoying 1970s-‘80s Carson much more than the brown-nosing bunch of boobs hosting late-night shows today. 

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Idol Thoughts

I tuned in to the American Idol finale to see if I could remember why I was never much of a fan. It didn’t take long. The guy who won the final contest … just dreadful. You’d have to pay me to go watch him.

On the other hand, this Hung guy pictured above, now there’s a talent.

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If you read much Shakespeare, you come away with the impression that most human activity is motivated by our basest instincts; our hearts rule our heads. Hence, the following musings on the possible motivations of some prominent politicians — behavioral explanations you don’t often hear from political pundits:

• George Bush invaded Iraq in large part because he wanted revenge on Saddam Hussein for the dictator’s attempt to assassinate Bush’s daddy.
• Obama views most American citizens as spoiled children; thus, his speeches that sound like he’s losing patience and is lecturing us.
• Hillary wants to prove to Bill that she can do a better job as president. Hillary resents Bill’s presidential philandering, and now expects his support.
• Chris Christie got into politics because there are all those banquets and luncheons. Doesn’t matter if it’s a corn dog at the state fair or a thousand-dollar-per-plate fundraiser, sampling food is an essential part of a politician’s life.
• Trump … I can’t figure out his motivation. Could be daddy issues or mommy issues. Somehow, I doubt that he’s in this race to make America great again for Joe the Plumber.
• Despite his lovable-old-coot image, Bernie Sanders seems like one angry dude. Watch how difficult it is for him to muster a smile when someone cracks a joke.
• John Kasich is not the “adult in the room.” He is one weird fucker who once blew up at a local Blockbuster Video for daring to stock the movie Fargo.

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Cable-news airheads keep mentioning the terrorist attack in “Brussel.” Did they stop teaching geography in schools?

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“You can’t win the Super Bowl unless you make some adjustments at halftime, right? That’s exactly what the Trump campaign is doing.” — Gloria Borger on CNN

Depends, Gloria. If you’re ahead by 40 points or if you’re playing the Minnesota Vikings, I’d say go ahead and just keep on doing what you’ve been doing.

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Quote of the Week:

“I had no idea that Trump and Pecker went back as far as they do.”

— MSNBC’s Chris Hayes, commenting on Donald Trump’s friendship with National Enquirer honcho David Pecker.

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