The Grouchy Editor

 

Above, a picture from HBO’s intriguing new miniseries, The Night Of. We haven’t reviewed the show yet, but we needed a picture for the top of the page, and it was either this or Roger Ailes. No one wanted to see a picture of Roger Ailes at the top of the page.

 

*****

 

It was another depressing week for America: Hillary Clinton sold out her country and got a wrist slap from the FBI; some dude in Louisiana sold CDs and got killed by the cops. A critic for Variety commented on an actress’s looks and triggered Internet outrage; the boss at Fox News harassed female employees and got huge ratings.

 

*****

 

It’s discouraging that when Clinton points out Donald Trump’s many failings, she is right, and when Trump points out Clinton’s many failings, he is right. No matter who wins the election, I’m afraid we are all going to have to move to Canada.

 

*****

 

.                               

 

“[Gretchen] Carlson also alleges that [Roger] Ailes repeatedly asked her to ‘turn around so he could view her posterior.’” – The Daily Beast

 

“He [Ailes] told me that if he was thinking of hiring a woman, he’d ask himself if he would fuck her, and if he would, then he’d hire her to be on camera.” – anonymous Fox employee

 

Above left, Gretchen arrives for work at Fox News. Above right, Roger fantasizes about fucking his employees.

 

.                          

 

 

 

.                                      

 

Far be it from me to spread gossip, but AilesGate does make one wonder about the case of Outnumbered host Andrea Tantaros (above), who vanished from the air in April, followed by a press release from Fox stating that the network “determined it best that she take some time off.” Did Tantaros fail to show Roger her posterior?

 

*****

 

Normally, when I go looking for typos, I head straight to The Huffington Post. This week, we’ll settle for CBS:

 

 

*****

 

Nothing like a good old-fashioned national crisis to bring out the Twitter idiots:

 

 

We tried to reach Governor Warner for comment. Sadly, he doesn’t exist.

 

Foreigners weighed in with incisive comments:

 

 

 

*****

 

 

It’s hard to feel sorry for the bozo pictured above, who saw nothing wrong with brandishing a rifle in public yet was shocked when Dallas police hauled him in for questioning.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Trump with a model conquest — er, daughter Ivanka

 

Web sites — some of them fairly reputable — are reporting accusations that Bill Clinton hobnobbed with a sex offender, Donald Trump raped a 13-year-old girl, and Louis C.K. masturbated in front of female comics and writers.

It’s not easy being a rich and powerful male in America … but it sure is fun being a Web site.

 

*****

 

 

Fox’s Outnumbered moved outdoors last week so that panelist Juan Williams, seated in the middle above, could be outnumbered by even greater numbers of surly white people. (Yes, we realize there’s one black dude in the background, and yes, we realize this show is actually The Five. Sheesh.)

 

*****

 

TV Updates:

 

 

Thirteen (above) reminds me of Rectify, but with more twists and definitely more narrative “action.” It’s another drama about a lost soul trying to return to a life of normalcy — in Rectify it’s an ex-con attempting to adjust to life on the outside; in Britain’s Thirteen it’s a young woman who escapes her kidnapper after 13 years — and both shows are hypnotic.

 

A second British (with France) import, The Tunnel, has the same plot we saw on FX’s The Bridge and before that on Sweden/Denmark’s The Bridge. Which version of this popular story that you prefer likely depends on which actress you prefer in the role of the female cop with … I don’t know, autism or Asperger’s or something. I’ll go with Sweden’s Sofia Helin.

 

**

 

 

They keep trying to bring big-screen horror to the small screen, but it’s a tough sell. The very things that make teen slasher flicks a guilty pleasure in the theater – sex, gore, violence, nudity – are the very things that get censored for your home-viewing experience. What does that leave? Bland, attractive, stereotypical young people and too many “jump scares.”

Being a teenage girl at heart, I watch a lot of this junk anyway. Here’s how I’d grade the current crop:

 

Scream (MTV):  I’m giving this a B. If the killer reveal wows me, I’ll bump that to a B-plus.

Dead of Summer (pictured above, Freeform):  Two episodes in, I am underwhelmed. C+

Slasher (Chiller):  I watched this a month ago, and have already forgotten most of it. C

American Gothic (CBS):  Two episodes in, I am underwhelmed. C+

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

I tuned in to CBS and became convinced that I was watching The Human Centipede. But no, it was simply the return of Big Brother, in which a bunch of self-absorbed young people spend the summer with their heads up their ass – or, in the challenge pictured above and below, up someone else’s ass. 

   

 

The dude in these pictures is James. James has been on Big Brother before. Every summer, James chases after cute girls in the house, although rarely does he find himself with his nose up their butts, as in these pictures. The girls like James, and they flirt with James, but they are never serious about James. Poor James.

 

*****

 

Stale Jokes About “Brexit”

 

These jokes were lame when I thought of them two days ago, but at least they were fresh. Since the time that I thought of them, they have popped up in talk-show monologues and on the Internet. So they are no longer fresh jokes. They are, however, still lame:

 

Joke 1:  For weeks I ignored stories about “Brexit,” because I thought it was the name of a British soccer team.

 

Joke 2:

 

Gone Today, Hair Tomorrow?

 

          

 

*****

 

From my local newspaper:

“Nystrom found a baggie containing just under three grams of crack cocaine in Brown’s anal cavity, police said.”

Indeed, sometimes the jokes really do write themselves.

 

 

*****

 

 

I don’t understand why our president was forced to quit smoking, presumably to set a good example for America’s youth, while at the same time …

 

 

… our attorney general is allowed to set another kind of example for America’s youth. Can you say, “Let’s tax soda pop”?

 

*****

 

Let’s check in again with James. Poor James.

 

 

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

More TV Crap …

Because the News Is Just Too Damn Depressing

 

I’m not sure how to react to HBO’s announcement that Curb Your Enthusiasm is being resurrected for a ninth season. Curb might be my all-time favorite comedy series — for its first four or five seasons.

But the quality of the writing gradually declined as the years went by (I recently watched all 80 episodes), which might not be a good sign for Season 9.

Then again, if Larry gets back together with Cheryl (above), wouldn’t that be pretty, pretty cool?

 

 

I wouldn’t be presumptuous enough to echo the above statement from a writer at The Guardian, because that would imply that I’ve seen every sitcom of the past 20 years. But I can say that Curb is the best sitcom that I’ve seen in the past 20 years.

 

**

 

 

If you’re only going to watch one O. J. Simpson series this year, skip the ballyhooed FX miniseries, which was entertaining but not all that informative, and catch the documentary that is currently airing on ESPN. Assuming, of course, that you are not burned out on all things O. J. Simpson.

 

**

 

I can’t be the only one who starts watching HLN’s Forensic Files at 1 p.m. and, four hours later, notices that it’s 5 p.m. and I am still watching Forensic Files. Am I?

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

There is a movie opening this week (pictured above) about a “genius editor” named Maxwell Perkins.

 

Isn’t “genius editor” a redundant term? Of course it is.

 

*****

 

Want to start an online conversation with a stranger? Here’s a surefire method:

 

A)  Go to a site like The Huffington Post or Drudge Report, select an article, and then find the comments section. It is not necessary to actually read the article or any of the reader comments.

B)  Select a random comment and reply to it with these two words: “Shut up.”

C)  Repeat as necessary. I guarantee that this will start an online conversation.

 

*****

 

 

They say we get the candidates we deserve. I guess we must have really pissed off the gods this year.

Which of these two insufferable jerks will be our next president? I have to bet on Hillary, for one reason: She’s awful, but she’s smart. Trump is awful, but he’s stupid. Smart trumps stupid. Usually.

 

*****

 

 

My musical tastes have never been cool. In the 1970s, I liked disco, the Jackson 5, and the Carpenters. I disliked heavy metal and most of what the critics liked.

I was reminded of this last week when PBS aired a documentary called Close to You: Remembering the Carpenters. Karen and Richard Carpenter were, of course, hokey and schmaltzy and kitschy and sappy. I don’t care. I still like their music.

 

*****

 

Random quotes from Red Eye:

 

 

“I currently have scaffolding – I’m on the fifth floor – and there are men who are like, on the thing, and they’re just outside my window. I need thicker drapes, ‘cause and then like, I can’t do anything in my bedroom anymore.” – Joanne Nosuchinsky (above), during a panel discussion of traffic congestion. Yes, traffic congestion.

 

“There are still guy shows. I mean, I’m sorry, but somebody please tell me that Game of Thrones is not a guy show.” – John Podhoretz on Hollywood gender issues.

“You’re right, there’s not enough male nudity.” — Joanne again.

 

*****

 

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

TV Updates

 

I find it hard to believe that anyone has a better job than Anthony Bourdain, who in Parts Unknown (above) travels the globe on CNN’s tab, eats whatever the hell he wants to eat, and is feted by locals who must pretend to like him so they can be on TV.

 

**

 

 

God help me, the second season of Scream is airing on MTV, and lord love a duck, I’m digging it again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

 

**

 

 

I recently praised old episodes of Johnny Carson’s show, but I think I picked the wrong talk show to recommend. What’s really a joy is watching Dick Cavett interviews on Decades. Who would you rather watch, Carson with Burt Reynolds and Barbara Eden, or Cavett with Groucho Marx and Truman Capote?

On second thought, don’t answer that.

 

*****

 

I finished the second season of the podcast Serial, and I was reminded of Jules Verne novels. Verne wrote Around the World in Eighty Days, in which the heroes did not make it around the world in 80 days, and Journey to the Center of the Earth, in which the heroes did not make it to the center of the Earth. Two great novels, certainly, but not with outcomes you might reasonably expect.

In Serial, we hope to resolve a murder mystery (season one) and the Bowe Bergdahl controversy (season two). But having listened to both podcasts, I remain as puzzled as ever.

 

*****

 

Cassius Clay died, which is a horrible development for cable-news junkies — not because Clay died, but because now there will be no other news for days on end … and we just got done with that sort of thing after Prince died. The only thing worse is CNN saturation coverage whenever a plane crashes.

 

*****

 

Someone named Erin Elmore was defending Donald Trump to Don Lemon on CNN. I had not heard of her, so I Googled Erin Elmore. Apparently, this is the kind of thing that qualifies one as a Trump spokesperson:

 

.                                       

(click pictures for larger views)

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

 

Since this story is about Pocahontas, shouldn’t the headline read “Warren on the Warpath”?

 

 

 

 

*****

 

I used the bathroom at Target the other day and nothing happened. No protesters, no perverts. Very disappointing.

 

*****

 

Failed talk-show host Melissa Harris-Perry wore this t-shirt on Real Time with Bill Maher.

 

 

Flawless? Hmmm. Seems like if you are fired from your MSNBC talk show, which routinely attracted about six viewers, there might be a flaw or two somewhere in your clothes closet.

On the other hand, you do inform us on your Web site that you are an “intellectual,” and the t-shirt could be referring to your boobies ….

 

 

*****

 

 

Do I notice anything about this meeting? Oh, sure. Aside from the shocking lack of diversity and the smug expressions, as usual I see no proofreaders.

 

*****

 

 

I was watching a mediocre horror series called Slasher, produced by a channel you haven’t heard of, when I recognized a familiar butt. The shapely derriere belonged to an actress named Jessica Sipos, above, who also appeared in another mediocre series called Ascension.  I cannot recommend either of the mediocre shows, but I wholeheartedly endorse Jessica’s muscular cheeks, which compose our Butt of the Week.

 

 

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Crime and Punishment

 

 

For some strange reason, I’ve been on a true-crime bender. If you’re into that sort of thing, here are two decent offerings:

 

60 Days In (above) – This is basically Scared Straight! for the reality TV crowd. Seven regular citizens went undercover in an Indiana jail so that jail officials could get the inside scoop and A&E could get decent ratings. What does this show teach us? It taught me that it’s a bad thing to be a woman in jail, but it’s downright dangerous to be a man in jail.

 

Serial (Season One) – I’d forgotten how soothing it is to listen to bedtime stories, although this podcast, in which public radio’s Sarah Koenig investigates the murder of a Baltimore high school girl, could give you nightmares.

 

 

*****

 

 

They booed Kristen Stewart’s new movie at the Cannes Film Festival.

I’ve been going to the movies for many years, but never have I witnessed an audience actually boo what’s on screen. Apparently, movies do get jeered at Cannes. I’d like to see that. It’s now on my bucket list.

 

*****

 

 

There was an all-nude production of Shakespeare’s The Tempest in Central Park. That’s all you need to know.

Oh, but you probably want to see pictures. In the photos above and below, Kara Lynn is on the left and Marisa Roper is on the right. I think we can all agree that Ms. Roper has a fine ass. You’re welcome.

 

 

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Chelsea Handler’s talk show

 

Her monologue sucked, her interviews sucked, and her taped “comedy” bits were nothing more than advertisements for Netflix.

On the plus side, her pet dog, which wandered around the set during the show, seemed to be a good boy.

 

*****

 

 

Facebook’s “Trending” module is in the news because it (allegedly) suppresses conservative news. This trending feature is hailed as some of the most valuable real estate on the Internet.

Silly me. I’ve been on Facebook for years, and it wasn’t until yesterday that I even noticed the trending column. I thought it was a box for ads.

 

*****

 

I don’t understand why The Washington Post feels the need to assign 20 reporters to dig up dirt on Donald Trump. Wouldn’t one intern watching old Howard Stern videos be sufficient?

 

Speaking of Trump, the mere mention of his name causes editors at The Huffington Post to froth at the mouth and take leave of their senses. They also take leave of headline proofreaders:

 

 

*****

 

Trump’s taxes, Hillary’s transcripts

 

I don’t need to see Donald’s taxes; I’m quite certain he’s an unstable crook. I don’t need to read Hillary’s speech transcripts; I’m quite certain she’s a corrupt liar.

 

*****

 

 

No comment.

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

**

 

 

**

 

 

 

Hey, I’m no fan of Trump, but I’m pretty sure that if you look into it, you will be able to find nutjobs who support each of the candidates — not just The Donald.

 

*****

 

Am trying to find a bright side to the increasingly likely prospect of a President Wall Street – er, President Hillary Clinton. I guess one is that, after a lifetime of listening to women blame men for the ills of the world, we men will finally be able to blame women.

 

*****

 

I’m thinking the journalists, politicians, and pundits scratching their heads over the Trump phenomenon are all missing the point. The point isn’t Trump; he’s just the instrument of voter rage. The voter is angry at the ruling class and wants it gone – especially the journalists, politicians, and pundits.

 

*****

 

 

I knew Prince had talent, but wow – meeting with a doctor as a corpse?

 

© 2010-2026 grouchyeditor.com (text only)