The Grouchy Editor

 

Lucky astronaut. I’m guessing there are about 300 million Americans who would prefer to watch this election from her vantage point.

 

**

 

The Good News:  Looks like we’re about to tell Trump he’s fired – just as soon as Human Resources gets done with him.

 

The Bad News:  We will be crowning a Queen Hillary for the next four years.

 

The Really Bad News:  Beginning November 9, we’ll have to listen to the media gloat.

 

The Silver Lining:  Soon after November 9, the media will realize it destroyed one monster only to create another.

 

**

 

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The older he gets, the more ESPN’s Chris Berman reminds me of Lou Costello.

 

**

 

 

 

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Oooohhh, this is bad. 

I’m sure Hillary has never said anything vulgar about men when she was engaged in private conversation.

And my heart goes out to all of the TV pundits and politicians who are “horrified” by Donald Trump’s assault on basic human decency. I’m certain that they, too, have never uttered vulgarities about the opposite sex.

 

Listen, I’m not voting for Trump for a whole host of reasons. But if I did decide to support him, it would be a reaction to the frenzy of our national media. Trump might be unbalanced, but the press has become unprofessional and unhinged in its quest to bring him down — that’s the voters’ job.

 

*****

 

TV Tidbits

 

I’ve only seen two or three episodes of each new show on this list, so it’s possible they could improve (or get worse) during their runs, but here are my initial impressions:

 

 

Westworld (HBO) – It’s brainy science-fiction about robots and artificial intelligence, but it doesn’t seem to add much to what we already learned from HAL nearly 50 years ago in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The pilot episode was dreary and dull.  Early grade: C+

 

**

 

 

Timeless (NBC) – Have you seen Rectify? Of course you haven’t; no one has. But it’s a fine drama and Abigail Spencer is superb in it. I guess she wanted something lighter that people would actually watch when she signed up for this fluffy and forgettable show.  Early grade: C

 

**

 

 

This Is Us (NBC) – Just shoot me now.  Early grade: F

 

**

 

 

The Good Place (NBC) – If you are charmed by Kristen Bell you will likely be charmed by this comedy. I’m guessing that Bell substituting “shirt” for “shit,” “fudge” for “fuck,” etc., will eventually stop sounding cute.  Early grade: C+

 

**

 

 

Designated Survivor (ABC) – It had an explosive premiere, but as Kiefer Sutherland’s president grows more saintly, the show grows more preachy.  Early grade: C+

 

**

 

 

Versailles (Ovation) – Sex and sin in the court of Louis XIV. Don’t expect Downton Abbey – this is much naughtier – but it’s juicy soap opera.  Ovation might have cut some of the steamier sex scenes for puritanical American eyes – if so, not a good thing.  Early grade: B  

 

**

 

 

The Exorcist (Fox) — The good news: The end of the first episode had one of the best gut-punches I’ve seen on a TV series. The bad news: Well, it’s not really bad news. It’s just that the show seems to be settling into middling chills.  Early grade: B

 

 

Returning Shows

 

Ash vs. Evil Dead (Starz) – I enjoyed the first season, but I’m not sure if there’s enough meat on the bones of this horror-comedy to sustain another year.  Grade: B

 

American Horror Story (FX) and Scream Queens (Fox) – I’m thinking Ryan Murphy has too much on his plate. Instead of creating and supervising every show on the Fox/FX schedule, he ought to just concentrate on a single good one.  Grades: AHS – C+  SQ – C

 

*****

 

“If I had a show, I would have gone right after him.” — David Letterman on Trump

 

Yes, because Letterman would never dream of using his star power to take advantage of young women. Just ask his interns.

 

 

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Mary J. Blige serenades Hillary Clinton

 

What the … ?

 

I have no words.

 

*****

 

Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf

 

I’ve decided to cast my vote for whichever candidate promises to toss this obnoxious prick into prison.

 

*****

 

So Trump, who apparently pays no taxes, is proposing tax cuts for everyone.

Does that mean we’ll owe him money?

 

*****

 

 

Night Train to Terror has that intangible quality that separates bad movies from so-bad-it’s-good movies, the sense that someone — director, stars, screenwriter — took the thing seriously, and therefore its majestic awfulness is both tragic and hilarious.

I stopped trying to make sense of this 1985 disaster after ten minutes, and instead sat back and simply let its cheesy special effects, incomprehensible plot, and hapless actors wash over me. Highly recommended.

 

*****

 

 

This is why some people (can’t imagine who) watch the Big Brother live feeds:

 

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                                              Click on pictures for a larger view

 

We’re sure that Morgan Willett of Texas had no clue that cameras were capturing her front and back when she stripped down to her thong panties because, well … just because.

 

 

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Hey, legendary Vikings coach Bud Grant is my man, but … watching him blow something called a “Gjallarhorn” and then gesture manically at 66,000 fans in Minnesota reminded me of nothing so much as a horror movie. The Crazed Coach of the Opera, perhaps?

 

 

*****

 

I was able to stomach about 25 minutes of NBC’s god-awful new series, This Is Us. Apparently “we” are a nation of people with First World problems who nevertheless deserve a weekly pity party on network television. Every character, every line of dialogue, and every storyline on This Is Us made me want to upchuck.

Did I mention that I detest this show? For some unfathomable reason, this syrupy abomination is getting rave reviews from critics. Thank goodness I found a kindred spirit at Slate:

 

 

*****

 

If you’d prefer to watch something that’s actually good, check out ABC’s Designated Survivor, which looks promising, or SundanceTV’s Gomorrah, which is more than promising – it will suck you in and hold you. Both shows air on Wednesdays.

 

*****

 

 

Liberals are upset with Jimmy Fallon because the late-night host played nice with guest Donald Trump (above). Haven’t these liberals ever watched The Tonight Show? Asking serial butt-kisser Fallon to grill one of his guests is like asking Julie Andrews to do a nude scene.

 

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.                          Mary Poppins                                      Maria von Trapp 

 

Wait …. Julie Andrews did a nude scene:

 

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*****

 

 

“I think temperament is to be studied carefully.”

– Notorious hothead Bobby Knight, pictured above, discussing Trump’s qualifications to be president.

Below, Knight exhibiting his idea of temperament while hurling folding chairs onto a basketball court.

 

 

*****

 

Former CIA honcho R. James Woolsey, Jr. was talking on a cable-news program, and I was reminded of someone else. Then I watched an episode of Better Call Saul:

 

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.                                     Woolsey                                                       “Mike”

 

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They are celebrating Robin Meade’s 15-year anniversary on HLN. I join in the celebration. She’s just about the only palatable presence on television news.

 

**

 

We’ve gone seven months now with a vacant seat on the Supreme Court, and the world hasn’t fallen apart.

Maybe we could try going a few years without a president?

 

**

 

 

On second thought, maybe we can recruit Colin Powell for the job. After reading his private e-mails, I think we can all agree that he has a refreshing way with words.

 

Powell on Hillary Clinton: “A 70-year-old person with a long track-record, unbridled ambition, greedy, not transformational, with a husband still dicking bimbos at home.”

Powell on former Vice President Dick Cheney and his daughter, Liz: “They are idiots.”

Powell on retired general Michael Flynn: “Gen. Flynn is a jerk. Got canned out of DIA.”

Powell on Donald Trump: “He is a know-nothing … a national disgrace … an international pariah.”

 

**

 

 

TV Tidbits:

 

American Horror Story – The production design and look of the show are great, but FX needs to spend more time on the scripts. In other words, the show has the same problem it has pretty much every year. But we’ve only seen one episode, so let’s hope for the best.

 

Left to right: William Shatner, Terry Bradshaw, Henry Winkler, George Foreman, Jeff Dye 

 

Better Late Than Never – I have mixed feelings about this four-part series. On the one hand, the affection these geezers have for one another seems real and it’s infectious; it’s a lot of fun to watch them interact on their trip to Asia. On the other hand, most of the situations they find themselves in are obviously scripted. And in this age of income inequality, it’s a bit off-putting to celebrate four multi-millionaires spending NBC’s cash on an expensive vacation.

 

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Brit Hume

 

*****

 

 

Can’t believe Gary Johnson (above) hadn’t heard of Aleppo.

Everyone knows Aleppo was the fifth Marx Brother.

 

*****

 

A“basket of deplorables”?

I’m beginning to think that neither Trump nor Clinton wants to win this thing.

 

*****

 

More Mean Tweets

 

 

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*****

 

Mean Tweets from Trump’s Evil Twin

 

 

*****

 

 

Some chick in Oregon named Jillian Henry (above) got photobombed by a naked man and his dog.

Her subsequent tweet with the photo (shown at the top of this post) went viral. I suspect that Jillian’s bikini posts, like the one shown below, might explain why the nude dude cast his rod in her direction.

 

 

*****

 

Speaking of bubble butts, hamster Michelle got booted out of the house on Big Brother. And so for her and for us it is … The End.

 

 

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Donnie’s Angels

 

I’m not sure what Donald Trump would do without his team of blond spokeswomen. On Wednesday, Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway (top right) held her own against Rachel Maddow. Nearly every night, Trump supporter Kayleigh McEnany (top center) is gang-tackled by liberals on CNN, but she generally comes off well. And then of course there is Trump daughter Ivanka (top left).

Makes me wonder why old foot-in-his-mouth doesn’t just drop out of the election and let one of these women run in his place.

 

*****

 

 

This guy is as dull as dishwater, but I am nevertheless appreciating Wolf Blitzer. Unlike everyone else in the media, at least he keeps his opinions to himself.

 

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Haunted Houses!

 

Two ghost stories that aren’t particularly scary but man, do they know how to stage one helluva haunted house:  1999’s The Haunting and 2015’s Crimson Peak.

 

 

I will watch these movies repeatedly just to marvel at the sets. Pictured above, Crimson Peak. Pictured below, The Haunting.

 

 

*****

 

Politics!

 

There are news reports that Donald Trump received his first intelligence on Wednesday. It’s about time.

 

*****

 

Willa’s Butt!

 

 

Someone at MTV must admire Scream star Willa Fitzgerald’s cute bubble butt, especially in tight jeans, because we sure got to see a lot of it – not that I’m complaining.

 

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This dude in a scene from Amazon’s Alpha House also enjoyed Willa’s butt: 

 

 

Willa’s Butt, by the way, is also the name of a cactus indigenous to the American Southwest.

 

 

*****

 

Ashleigh Baker

 

Far be it from me to accuse A&E of turning its reality show 60 Days In into a women-in-prison flick, but this was a highlighted scene from the premiere of the second season:

 

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(click on pictures for larger views)

 

Poor Ashleigh Baker (above) was pressured to pull her pants down so a gang of drooling, salacious female inmates could ogle her ass.

I know I’ve seen this before, in either The Big Doll House or Chained Heat.

 

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Don Lemon Week!

 

“We tend not to trust disagreeable people, in part because they’re not trustworthy.”

 

– Dan McAdams, professor of psychology at Northwestern University, stating the obvious while explaining Donald Trump to CNN’s Don Lemon.

 

 

 

 

– Donald Trump on Twitter, explaining Don Lemon to the world.

 

We noticed that Dandy Don wore his glasses this week during his show. Everyone knows that smart people wear glasses.

 

*****

 

I am currently reading a biography about Joseph Stalin and his reign of terror in Russia.

This is how I comfort myself with the fact that yes, politics have been worse than they are this year in America.

 

*****

 

I’ve been ignoring the Summer Olympics.

I just … don’t … seem to care.

 

*****

 

Andrea Tantaros joined the roster of women accusing Roger Ailes of sexual harassment at Fox News. 

 

Didn’t we (sort of) predict this a month ago?

 

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