The Grouchy Editor

 

Big Brother fans are excited because ousted Trump administration bogeywoman Omarosa (above right) is in the hamster house.

As for me, I prefer the joy of spreading false rumors in Big Brother chat rooms, like this one at Joker’s Updates:

 

 

“Shannon,” by the way, is Shannon Elizabeth. You might remember her from American Pie. If you don’t, these screen captures might jog your … memory.

 

 

**

 

 

My Facebook page informs me that War of Kings, above, is a “featured game.” I’m sure it’s all about a skillful female hero who fights her way to … ah, who am I kidding? It’s obviously about her shapely ass.

 

**

 

 

 “(Fill in the blank) Sparks Twitter Outrage”

Can we retire this clichéd, tired phrase already?

It’s too easy for lazy editors to find 23 people who are upset about something – anything – and to then create a stupid story about it.

Exception:

“Twitter ‘Outrage’ Sparks Twitter Outrage”

That one we can keep.

 

**

 

 

This nasal-voiced, annoying chick on the Match.com commercial who says, “Come find me!” Doesn’t seem all that smart.

I am picturing some creepy serial stalker, sitting at his computer in the basement, watching this commercial and taking her request as a personal challenge.

 

**

 

 

These two clowns got booted from the Winter Olympics in South Korea for startling spectators with their hilarious Donald Trump-Kim Jong-un impersonation.

Big mistake. They were vastly more entertaining than watching whiny athletes like Lindsey Vonn.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Normally, I might cheer for the Philadelphia Eagles on Super Bowl Sunday simply because I’m tired of Tom Brady and the Patriots and their crab-faced coach.

But man … that would mean rewarding Eagles fans, and Eagles fans seem to be the largest collection of undeserving thugs in the country.

 

 

Go Patriots! … I guess.

 

**

 

When the news is so relentlessly depressing, it’s tempting to just put your head in the sand until it all goes away.

 

Notice I said your head, not my head.

 

**

 

We asked Rip to live Tweet the Grammy Awards. From time to time, he got bored and strayed off topic:

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Nothing worse than a politician who fails to ease calms.

 

**

 

OK, well … ahem … about that whole “America’s Team” thing in last week’s post ….

Never mind.

 

**

 

TV Tidbits

 

I’ve only seen the first episodes of Counterpart and The Alienist, so it’s too soon to know if they’ll be worthwhile viewing. So let’s review them, anyway:

 

 

Counterpart on Starz is a science-fiction drama starring J.K. Simmons. It might be good if … it avoids the common sci-fi pitfall of letting its plot get too far-fetched. Humorous sci-fi can get by with that sort of thing; serious sci-fi, not so much.

 

 

The Alienist on TNT is a period drama about a serial killer in 1890s New York. It might be good if … it avoids the curse of too many period dramas that fall in love with the setting at the expense of a good story.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Let’s forget about government shutdowns and illegal immigration this week and instead celebrate football and the real America’s Team.

Click here to watch the famous video again. And then watch it again. And again. (Unless you’re from New Orleans, in which case, never mind.)

 

**

 

And while we’re celebrating football, take a stroll down memory lane and savor this ancient photo of Kansas City quarterback Len Dawson enjoying a break in the action:

 

 

**

 

Netflix Nuggets

 

The plot owes a lot to The Silence of the Lambs, and you might well be able to guess the identity of the killer, but France’s La Mante is a well-made thriller that’s often gripping.

Who knew that former “Bond girl” Carole Bouquet could play such a fascinating serial killer? (By the way, that’s not a spoiler.)

 

*

 

 Dalton

 

Fanny Watch

Netflix cranks out tons of rotten horror movies. The Open House is not one of them. It’s no masterpiece (ignore its abysmal customer rating on IMDB), but I enjoyed the creepy atmosphere and an ending that conjured memories of the original Black Christmas.

Plus, actress Piercey Dalton contributes this shower scene to our Fanny Watch:

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

More evidence of the decline of Western civilization:

 

 

*

 

 

*

 

 

The media were aghast that an American president might utter the word “shithole” in a public forum. Classy Politico, for example, wouldn’t dream of exploiting such a vulgar term. From Politico’s Web site:

 

 

**

 

TV Updates

 

 

Sometimes I get hooked on a show simply because I am entranced by the main characters. It doesn’t matter if they’re robbing a bank, or reading quietly in the library; I just want to see what they’re up to.

Fortunately for viewers of The End of the F***ing World, a delightfully eccentric Netflix import from Britain, the show’s writers are more than capable of finding interesting things for teenage runaways James and Alyssa (pictured above) to do — things like shoplifting, car theft, and offing serial killers.

 

 

Sure, it’s contrived. But God help me, I am once again watching (and enjoying) the crazy geezers on Better Late than Never.

 

**

 

 

 

We’re thinking that the presdent of Fox Business Network should consider repatrating some funds to hire a proofreader. It’s something dimmocratic the could do.

 

**

 

Good commercial:

 

 

I loathe that GEICO green lizard, but I’ll have to admit that a lot of the company’s other spots, like the sloth bit pictured above, make me chuckle.

 

Bad commercial:

 

 

Good lord, could Xfinity have found an athlete with less personal charisma than shuffling, mumble-mouthed bobsledder Elana Meyers Taylor, pictured above? Not “lookin’ good,” Elana.

 

**

 

 

What the hell is it with all of these weird-ass, sex-related confessions and rumors featuring Michael Douglas?

Is the dude trying to tell us something?

 

**

 

 

OK, sure. We could do that.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Bad Headlines

 

 

Yes, and yes again. Trump and his Republican pals need to stop citing the fucking stock market when crowing about “the economy.”

 

**

 

 

Trump might be nuts, but CNN seems to be right there with him. Brooke Baldwin freaked out when a guy said “boobs” on her show, but on New Year’s Eve she boasted to a drunk Don Lemon that “my balls are bigger than your balls.”

Lemon, viewers might recall, once complimented Kathy Griffin on her “nice rack.” And then last week, we got CNN’s Randi Kaye laughing and fondling a pot-filled bong on live TV.

Brian Williams, when informed about Baldwin’s “big balls” declaration, assured anyone within earshot that his enormous testicles are listed in the Guinness World Records.

 

**

 

 

Let me see if I have this straight: Tobacco taxes go up every 15 minutes, but liquor taxes, which haven’t gone up in decades, are going down?

 

***

 

.                                                          

 

Mark Steyn and Sebastian Gorka: How are these not the same guy?

 

***

 

Formerly great show that is now merely a good show:

Curb Your Enthusiasm

 

Formerly great show that is still a great show:

Black Mirror

 

***

 

Veteran character actor Paul Sorvino wants to pummel Harvey Weinstein for blacklisting Sorvino’s daughter, Mira.

The blacklisting makes no sense to us, either, because we took a look at Mira’s audition tape, presented below:

 

 

***

 

 

That’s Elizabeth Montgomery, circa 1963. You can’t tell me that Hollywood babes of that generation weren’t the bomb.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

“The great thing about Netflix right now is that it’s like a catapult, because they just want content and lots of it. Do they care so much about the quality? Less about it, and they should keep their eye on that.” – director Ridley Scott

 

So, so many of the movies on Netflix suck. Netflix’s acquisitions team doesn’t seem to care if you shot a found-footage thriller in two hours on an iPhone in your back yard, they just want to air it.

The real reason to subscribe to Netflix is to discover gems that would have been unavailable 15 years ago – especially foreign movies and series. Like La Casa de Papel (pictured above and below), an exciting new series from Spain. It’s a bit like Die Hard, but with empathy for the bad guys and the good guys.

It’s a cops-and-robbers show with an implausible plot, but paced and directed with such pizzazz that you don’t really care.

 

 

**

 

It’s December 30, 2017, and I am two-thirds through Magpie Murders, and I hereby make the following prediction: Charles Clover is guilty of one of the murders.

 

**

 

 

I live in a state (Minnesota) where some people boast that they enjoy the cold weather. These people are either a) bundled under so many layers of clothing that they are “outdoors” in theory only, or b) lying.

I wouldn’t worry about terrorism if I was one of the fools braving cold temperatures to celebrate the New Year in Times Square. Studies have shown that when the weather is cold enough, even criminals tend to stay home. No, I wouldn’t worry about bombs. I’d worry about my mental health.

 

**

 

 

I don’t know if it’s the insane political atmosphere of 2017, or if I’m just getting old, but lately I’ve been drawn to conspiracy-theory shows. Shows like Wormwood (CIA shenanigans), 911: Truth, Lies and Conspiracies (“truthers”) and Unacknowledged (UFOs and aliens and pretty much everything else you can think of).

Just remember: It’s true that you’re not paranoid if they really are out to get you.

 

**

 

 

She is a beauty. We’re looking forward to seeing the nude pictures once they hit the Internet.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

I watched part of Jupiter’s Darling (1955) on TCM, and now I know why we got the 1960s.

 

Although it must be said, the musical number in which a woman debates whether or not she’d like to be treated like one of a trainer’s elephants has a certain spunky charm.

 

 

**

 

I am wondering which subject our government will keep hidden from us the longest: the Pentagon’s research on UFOs, or the list of congressmen who used taxpayer money to hush up their sex scandals.

 

**

 

 

This photo of Hillary that was posted on Breitbart … you just know it’s gonna get photoshopped.

 

**

 

 

Wormwood on Netflix

 

A mesmerizing docudrama about the shady doings of the CIA and its impact on one man’s family.

But it’s also a frustrating miniseries because, you know, CIA.

 

**

 

Stupid Tweets

 

 

Oh, come now. Omaha isn’t the largest city, but it surely has theaters bigger than that.

 

 

Hmmm … must have been a pretty big freezer to make room for her and the dogs.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

How come we aren’t hearing more about the secret fund that Congress set up to protect its members against sexual harassment claims?

Are the devious creeps in Washington hoping that we’ll eventually forget about it and the issue will just fade away?

 

**

 

Today is December 16, 2017, and I have reached page 170 of the whodunit Magpie Murders. I hereby make this bold prediction:

Dr. Emilia Redwing dunit.

Well, she done at least one of the murders.

I did not cheat by looking ahead to the end of the book to find out whodunit.

 

**

 

Fox’s Steve Hilton was either star-struck by guest Corey Lewandowski, or he’s still learning how to host an American cable-news show.

Either way, this gets our vote for Introduction of the Year:

 

**

 

 

Do your part to help Tasmania’s economy: Watch Rosehaven (above) on Sundance.

 

**

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

I keep wanting to call Don Lemon “little Donnie Darko” because it sounds insulting and I have no respect for him.

But it also sounds racist.

So I’d best not call him “little Donnie Darko.”

 

**

 

TV Update

 

 

Shows I Hate to Love

 

There are good reasons to shun two of Netflix’s latest offerings, Dark and season two of The Crown. I have issues with both shows. But I watched all ten episodes of the German mystery Dark and am well into the second season of The Crown. They are both very, very well made. If you begin watching either of them, you are likely to get hooked — despite yourself.

 

 

Why I dislike Dark

 

It’s a time-travel fantasy show, and I generally like time-travel shows only when they are light and fun, like Back to the Future or Time After Time. As far as current science knows, time travel is not possible, and therefore the entire premise is silly. Yet Dark takes itself oh-so-seriously.

And there are a lot of characters. The show takes place in 2019, and in 1986, and in 1953. You must learn the names of characters in 2019, and of the same characters 33 years earlier, and of the same characters 33 years before that. The various characters in 1953, 1986, and 2019 are all played by different actors. And they are German actors, so they are unfamiliar.

The myriad characters all have complex relationships with one another. Once you finally feel comfortable with Ulrich in 2019, for example, you must learn what his father looked like in 1953, or whom Ulrich was dating in 1986, or which children he sired by which woman.

During your struggle to read subtitles and unravel scores of relationships between unfamiliar actors, you must also keep an eye out for clues to the central mystery: Who is kidnapping and killing kids in a small German village? We didn’t have to work this hard during Stranger Things.

 

Why I kept watching Dark

 

If you accept the silly premise, it’s an otherwise intelligent show. The cinematography and art direction are striking. The soundtrack, which alternates between ‘80s retro and some kind of eerie, modern, German contribution, is cool. The gloomy setting and mood are also cool.

 

Why I dislike The Crown

 

Why on Earth should any of us give a rat’s ass about the problems of rich, privileged, self-pitying royals? We shouldn’t. So what if their life isn’t trouble-free? Let them eat cake.

 

Why I keep watching The Crown

 

Living the life of a British royal is a seductive fantasy. If you can divorce your thoughts from the fact that these people actually exist, which isn’t always easy to do, this handsome, well-produced show will suck you in with its world cruises, slaves servants on hand to cater to your every whim, and that torrid sex scene between stars John Lithgow and Claire Foy.

OK, just kidding about that last one. Maybe.

 

**

 

 

Uhhh … who?

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)