The Grouchy Editor

From the Department of “God I Am Getting Old”

 

This post appeared on my Twitter feed:

 

 

I had no idea of what an “incel” is, so I had to look it up. Then, I had no idea what a “dogpill” is, so I had to look that up.

Sadly, now I know.

 

It’s all further evidence that Western civilization is about to collapse. I first became aware of this when I learned that Oscar winner Jennifer Connelly made a movie in which some dude cums on her face.

 

Jennifer Connelly making a splash

 

Additional evidence came when my buddy at YouTube’s Horrible Reviews devoted an entire segment to a filmmaker who makes poop movies.

I oppose censorship, but it would be nice if more of us would vote with our remotes or delete buttons, so we could start seeing a bit less of this (literal) shit.

 

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“You’re just there to report on the corn-hole competition.” – Leland Vittert to cute co-anchor Kristin Fisher (above) on Fox News. Here’s the video:

 

 

Corn hole … corn hole?

 

 

Where had I heard that word? Oh, yeah. This movie:

 

 

 

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OK, the bonehead governor of Virginia should probably go. But here’s a question for Democrats:

You do realize, don’t you, that if you continue to hammer every public figure for every crime and misdemeanor committed in high school, college, or kindergarten, the only people left to vote for will be spotless gems like Mitt Romney and Mike Pence?

 

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Actress Andree Maranda gets corn holed by some black dude in The Toxic Avenger

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

From the Department of Life Isn’t Fair

 

Bradley Cooper gets to go home and tap this fanny every night:

 

 

I get to go home and tap myself while looking at pictures of this fanny.

Life isn’t fair.*

 

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Art of the Deal

 

How’s this for a win-win deal?

Louis C.K. agrees to shut up and go away for five years, which should please the left, but only if Kathy Griffin agrees to shut up and go away for five years, which should please the right.

 

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Cave Man?

 

After apparently caving on the partial government shutdown, Donald Trump seems to be having a bad week. Some in the media are saying this is the beginning of his end.

Well, we’ve heard that song before, many times. My guess is that now it’s Trump’s turn. He will come up with something to cheer his base and infuriate his foes, because that’s what Trump does.

 

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Mueller’s Problem …

 

… is that Washington is full of scoundrels – on both sides. As long as he continues to go solely after Trump allies and lets the other side skate, our long national nightmare will persist.

Lock them all up.

 

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I watch cable news and become more and more convinced that we’re on the verge of a civil war.

Then I go to work, or to Target, or to the grocery store, and I look at people and I think, “Nah. These folks don’t seem in the mood for a civil war.”

 

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For some reason, Jets fans are concerned about the physical appearance of their new head coach:

 

 

* Unless of course the rumors are true and one of them is gay and the relationship is a sham in which case, never mind.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Infrastructure!

 

 

The eternal question: “Is there anything that Republicans and Democrats can agree about?”

The eternal answer: “Oh, sure. Infrastructure.”

 

It’s easy to see why this is the case. Infrastructure is sexy (see photo above). Infrastructure is just the kind of thing that feuding Americans can rally around, because it stirs strong feelings of patriotism, of what it truly means to be an American.

 

I propose that we establish National Infrastructure Day.

So let’s have a toast to infrastructure!

 

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TV Updates

 

Perfume on Netflix –

It’s creepy and strange but very well-made and absorbing. Most of all, it feels … “foreign.”

That’s what worries me about all of these countries partnering with Netflix to produce content for the streaming service. I’m afraid that in order to reach a broader audience, they will feel pressure to “go Hollywood.”  I want them to remain strange and “foreign.”

Below, Natalia Belitski and friend doing creepy and strange in Germany’s Perfume.

 

 

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Annihilation on the Epix free preview –

For about two-thirds of its run-time, Annihilation feels like director/writer Alex Garland has watched The Thing and/or Invasion of the Body Snatchers too many times. It’s very familiar stuff, just with chicks instead of dudes.

But Garland redeems himself in the final 20 minutes or so, in which he pours on some movie-making razzle-dazzle (including a killer soundtrack) and dishes up something to provoke the thoughts. It’s not 2001: A Space Odyssey, but it’s good enough to raise my grade from a B to a solid B+.

 

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Here’s a question for Gillette, which made waves last week with a commercial attacking “toxic masculinity”: Have you ever seen a gathering of tipsy females at a bachelorette party?

 

 

 

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I’m thinking it might be time to hand the world back to high-school jocks. This “revenge of the nerds” thing isn’t working out so well.

 

Exhibit A:  I am watching Surviving R. Kelly on Lifetime, and it seems that the quiet, nerdish kid (above right) who grew up to become a powerful music mogul (above left) is … not well.

 

Exhibit B:  Geeky Mark Zuckerberg, who grew up to become an evil genius.

 

Sadly, the nerds don’t handle power well once they get it.

At least the jerk jocks have early experience with power and jerkdom, so they’re better at it once they reach adulthood. Plus, they have always been jerk jocks, so the rest of us have learned how to keep them in line.

 

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Tulsi Gabbard:  Good-looking babe, but not enough personality.

 

 

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez:  Good-looking babe, but too much personality.

 

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That fake photo of “Ocasio-Cortez” in the bathtub – if you zoom in on the faucet, you can clearly see that the person in the tub is George Bush.

 

 

 

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The Disaster Artist is a decent movie, but if you haven’t seen the “disaster” that inspired it, director Tommy Wiseau’s The Room, be sure to watch that one first.

 

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Editor’s Note:  Evidently our leaders are setting new norms and standards for the country’s political discourse.

Far be it from us to ignore the signals from our betters in Washington, D.C.  In that spirit, please enjoy our new style guidelines for The Weekly Review:

 

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I don’t understand how Sean Hannity is considered the top dog at Fox News. Hannity often strikes me as an oblivious knee-bender.

To me, the top asshole at Fox is Tucker Carlson, despite the doltish deer-in-the-headlights facial expression he adopts while listening to his guests. Unlike Hannity, Carlson is smart enough to know which hot-buttons to push.

There’s a good reason that those motherfucking liberal activists showed up at Carlson’s house in the middle of the night, and then tried so hard to get bullshitting advertisers to abandon his show. They recognize that jerk-off Carlson, unlike shithead Hannity, is an intellectual threat.

 

Above, Fox host Tucker Carlson dancing with some bitch

 

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Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like if I was a Muslim congresswoman in a country with millions of citizens who are on the fence whether or not to feel well-disposed toward my religion, I might not consider it a great idea to insult the president of the United States by calling him a “motherfucker.”

 

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On the bright side for Democrats, this fuckwad congresswoman from Michigan makes previous lightning rod Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez seem like motherfucking Miss Manners.

 

Above, cunt-licker Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dancing with some jackass

 

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Tiresome metaphor I keep hearing: “If you’re a hammer, everything’s a nail.”

I beg to differ. In my limited experience with carpentry, when given the choice, hammers invariably prefer my thumb to cocksucking nails.

 

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That’s our lame-ass Review for this week. We hope you enjoyed our new format, and we hope to see you pathetic blowjobbers again next week.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

TV Update

 

 

Newfangled balderdash

 

Someday, cultural historians will possibly look back at the premiere of Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (above) and recognize a groundbreaking moment in home entertainment, when Hollywood product became much more immersive and interactive.

That day isn’t today. Right now, Netflix’s experiment feels like a crashing bore, a frustrating waste of time.

OK, OK, it was mildly entertaining to use my remote to have the hero either spill tea on his computer or to smash the monitor to bits. Or to choose between two brands of cereal. But after watching the same scenes play out ad nauseam, completely demolishing the flow of the story, I was desperate to click the “end credits” button.

 

Old-fashioned fun

 

 

Unforgotten —  The good news: I hadn’t even heard of this show, which is already in its third season, but it’s yet another high-class British drama with great acting.

The (sort of) bad news: It’s been hyped as a mystery or whodunit, and it is that, but it’s actually more social drama than anything else. If you have doubts that the past can come back to haunt you, you won’t after watching this series.

 

 

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel —  The good news: The production design really brings the late 1950s to life. Star Rachel Brosnahan is a cutie, and it was thoughtful of the showrunners to give us a look at her tits and ass:

 

 

The bad news: I couldn’t watch more than the first episode. Apparently lots of people find Mrs. Maisel charming. I found her obnoxious and grating.

 

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We’re told it’s been a big week in Washington. I’m not sure why.

 

The Government Shutdown:

Yawn. For the federal employees who won’t go to work for awhile, doesn’t it amount to a paid vacation? Sure, they might have to wait a bit for their paychecks, but still. As for the rest of us, does anyone even notice a government shutdown?

 

Troop Withdrawals in the Middle East:

Sigh. If I were a hawk, I wouldn’t worry. Trump can remove all troops from Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, or wherever, but it’s just a matter of time before we get drawn into another Middle East quagmire. Because that’s what we do.

 

Trump’s Green Acres Tweet:

On the one hand, it is pretty funny that a sitting American president would post such a thing. On the other hand, it did remind me of the ending of Dr. Strangelove, in which Slim Pickens rides a falling nuclear bomb like it’s a bucking bronco.

 

 

It’s funny, but also disturbing. Nero fiddling while Rome burns and that sort of thing.

 

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I saw these legs on HLN the other day and wondered who the sexpot is. (Not the bonehead on the right, Sanjay Gupta, who looks like he’s about to jump the blonde.)

Turns out it’s Elizabeth Prann, who used to be on Fox.

Isn’t Fox supposed to be the legs network?

 

 

 

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Quote of the Week

 

“Maybe it takes an impulsive, dangerous nutjob like Trump to finally do it, to end the wars the American people want to end.” – Andrew Sullivan in New York magazine

 

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Translation: The new one is more politically correct.

 

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How is this not the same person?

 

Then again, maybe he’s a Munchkin:

 

 

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If ever there was a political figure ripe for satire, it has to be James Comey. I suggest a character called “Mr. Perfect.” Come on, Saturday Night Live, Alec Baldwin’s Trump is tired and stale. Time to unveil Mr. Perfect:

 

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

 

All I want for Christmas is …

 

… to stop turning on the news and hearing about the border wall or about the Mueller investigation.

Just build the damn wall or don’t build the damn wall. Just impeach Trump or don’t impeach him. But good lord, don’t drag this crap on and on for another year.

 

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… to get to the bottom of all of the congressional sex scandals, or to get to the bottom of none of them.

If you’re going to hammer Trump for his transgressions with Stormy and Karen and whoever, then we also need to find out which congressmen couldn’t keep their pants zipped and then used taxpayer dollars from a slush fund to pay out hush money.

 

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I’m not going to get any of that for Christmas.

It’s going to be a crappy Christmas.

If you don’t believe that already, there is this heartwarming tidbit:

 

 

Ho, ho, ho.

 

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God help me but … were you to ask me to name my favorite Christmas song, I might have to say … (gaaarrrggghhh!) … “My Only Wish (This Year)” by Britney Spears.

It’s catchy. It doesn’t get played to death. I like it. So shoot me.

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Twitter Twaddle

 

 

Third Grade Revisited, Part 1:

 

 

Third Grade Revisited, Part 2:

 

 

Van Dinkle admits he has no idea who Poliquin is, but no matter. Trolling Stephen King is too much fun.

 

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Heather Nauert Storms the UN

 

 

The Bad News:

Looks like the mean girls from high school are taking over the world.

 

The Good News:

They do look good in a miniskirt.

 

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This is not from the National Enquirer main page. This is from the Fox News main page:

 

 

 

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I guess we shouldn’t be surprised by this. When everything else in the world has gone bonkers, why not war between Canada and China?

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Dirty Old Men!

 

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If I was the parent of a six-year-old boy, no way I’d let him anywhere near a Catholic priest.

 

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There is one segment of the population that is no doubt relieved at the passing of George Bush: the derrieres of every comely young female in his orbit, which will now go unmolested.

 

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It must be hard on liberal swamp networks like CNN and MSNBC whenever a conservative swamp politician dies and the networks are then forced, for 24 hours or so, to say nice things about the guy.

 

Of course, Fox News will have the same problem when Jimmy Carter finally kicks the bucket.

 

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It would be easier to take Sean Hannity seriously if he would stop, literally, butchering the English language.

 

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