Category: Weekly Reviews

“The Ted Baxter Award”

 

.

          Williams                              Baxter                                 Scott

 

I used to believe that NBC’s lantern-jawed cockatiel Brian Williams had a lock on “The Ted Baxter Award,” with his tilted-head, squinty-eyed, oh-so-serious delivery. But then I watched last Sunday’s Fox Report Weekend with Jon Scott.

 

 

Here is Jon telling viewers what to expect at the Department of Homeland Security after the ouster of Kirstjen Nielsen:

 

 

Here is Jon thanking reporter John White House for reporting from the Roberts:

 

 

Jon struggles a bit with his timeline:

 

 

And finally, Jon has trouble with correspondent Casey Stegall:

 

 

 

**

 

We recently complained about the scarcity of quality new TV shows. That complaint stands. But a couple of returning shows are just as good as ever: Killing Eve, which is fairly routine as a spy drama but with moments of comic genius, and Unforgotten on PBS, which is always absorbing.

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

 

I stopped watching baseball years ago because a) it bores me, and b) my hometown team sucks.

But have you seen this dude?

 

The best of Willians Astudillo

 

I might have to start following the Twins again, just because of him.

 

**

 

Two expressions I’ve heard more than enough:

 

On immigration: “Congress needs to act.”

It hasn’t acted on immigration for decades, it doesn’t want to act on immigration, so don’t waste your breath.

 

On the economy: “If there’s one thing that Wall Street hates, it’s uncertainty.”

Yeah, because everyone else is so fond of uncertainty.

 

**

 

 

Apparently we are so on top of 2019 problems that we now feel the need to resurrect 1960s problems. 

 

**

 

I guess Donald Trump and Joe Biden are very much in sync. Trump grabbed pussies because, in his words, women “let you do it.” Biden gropes women and children because, well, they let him do it.

(By the way, that “let you do it” part — isn’t that what we call “consent”?)

More interesting, at least to me, is this business of Biden swimming naked in front of female secret service agents.

 

**

 

Speaking of exposed skin, if you Google-search Emily Compagno, the latest pin-up queen on Fox News, you will see this picture:

 

 

These days, you never know what’s real and what’s been photo shopped. But those are such fine-looking butt cheeks, let’s just assume they belong to the former Raiders cheerleader.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

What’s that old adage — “Never meet your heroes,” because you’re bound to be disappointed?

I think I’d update that for 2019:  “Never read your heroes’ Tweets.”

 

It was … interesting … the way certain very vocal celebrities suddenly wanted to change the subject away from politics when the long-awaited Mueller report was turned in:

 

 

 

**

 

Speaking of Twitter, I still don’t completely understand the etiquette, or rules, or whatever the hell it is we’re supposed to do. Take, for example, this Tweet:

 

 

Now, does this mean that 52 people are quite pleased that Larry Cohen is dead? Confusing.

 

**

 

I could be wrong about this. I hope I’m wrong about this. But I suspect that we’ve gone past “peak TV” and are now sliding downhill.

There are more shows than ever, but I can’t find a single new series that really grabs me.

 

**

 

It’s nigh impossible to find a columnist who can write about politics these days and actually be funny. I think this guy pulled it off.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

 

If you’ve seen the Volvo commercial, then you know the voice. Once you’ve heard it, it’s impossible to banish it from your head.

In the ad, an other-worldly, tinny, high-pitched voice implores us to “be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best to make you everybody else.”

It sounds like some fun-house god issuing instructions to mankind over a cheap megaphone. Listen up:

 

 

That voice gave me goose bumps, but I wasn’t quite sure why. Then I remembered. I’d heard that voice before, and so had poor Doris Day in 1960’s Midnight Lace:

 

 

**

 

 

Listen, I’m not into guns. But for some reason, I find this short video of Daily Caller reporter Stephanie Hamill (above) both disturbing and mesmerizing:

 

 

**

 

 

Journalist Allysia Finley, pictured above, has an, ah, interesting way of speaking:

 

 

Makes me wonder if she’s related to, ah, this guy:

 

 

**

 

Now that the Ferris Bueller report has finally been completed, we can all get back to normal.

Ha ha ha.

Sadly, these words of wisdom from Reuters’s Jeff Mason are much more likely:

“The fact that there is a conclusion is a start.”

 

**

 

 

Far be it from us to hold a grudge, but after we were promised an interview with the female star of the new movie Long Lost and were then snubbed by said actress, well, let’s just say it was a very sad day at The Grouchy Editor office.

We can’t imagine why Catherine Corcoran, who is actually quite good in the movie (that’s her pictured above; our review is here), developed cold feet over our interview. Could it be that she feared we might ask about her Carrie-inspired nude scene in Return to Nuke ’em High (below)?

 

 

Or did she suspect that we might compliment her on her Instagram posts, like this one?

 

 

Perhaps she didn’t care for this question in our interview: “That hanging upside-down business in Terrifier – were you ever in danger of passing out from all the downward blood flow?”

 

 

But most likely, she felt burned by glowing “tributes” like this one from Mr. Skin:

 

 

Goodness. We would never be that crude and vulgar.

Would we?

 

**

 

Let’s check in one more time with poor Doris Day and the Voice from Hell:

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

 

This decision to blur a mass killer’s face so that he doesn’t get the attention he seeks might be well-intentioned, but it’s also moronic. It just guarantees that everyone will rush to the Internet to find out what the nutcase looks like.

 

**

 

Broadcast News

 

Cock your head to one side, look sad, and you, too, can be a big-time anchor

 

Many, many moons ago, Yours Truly was a young journalism student. I know, I know; that sucks, but there you have it.

Anyway, we learned in school that there are two kinds of journalists: the print media kind, and the TV kind. The print-media journalists mostly toiled away in low-paid obscurity, spending days or even weeks on important stories that maybe 16 people would read. The TV journalists would read these stories in the newspaper and then use them to craft three-minute segments about whatever issue the story discussed.

That’s how TV journalists got their story ideas: from someone else.

One day in my misbegotten reporter’s youth I found myself seated at a table at some important, government-type meeting, directly across from Dallas’s hot-shot television news anchor, a pompous ass named Chip Moody. While I took copious, laborious notes about the meeting, Moody sat with a smirk on his face, doodling on a scrap of paper. He didn’t take notes; he barely heard what was being discussed.

He knew that all he had to do was show up, and the glamour and money would follow.

 

 

They do make lots of money, so maybe, unlike the buffoon played by William Hurt in Broadcast News, TV anchors aren’t so stupid after all.

Nah, most of them are clowns.

 

**

 

It does seem like nearly all of our institutions – academics, courts, legislatures, media, Hollywood, medicine, big business, and whatever else I’m forgetting – are crumbling. They all seem to be run by corrupt people with too much power.

What’s the other thing they all have in common? The Baby Boomers are in charge.

Pretty sure Chip Moody was a Baby Boomer.

 

**

 

Something a print journalist would notice and a TV journalist would not:

 

 

Not sure why dog owners are so prone to nonstop barking, but jail time seems appropriate.

 

**

 

The fun part about having so many Democrat candidates for president? Watching most of them crash and burn.

Lord knows what kind of scandals and embarrassments we have to look forward to.

 

**

 

Say what you will about Bill Maher – and you will say what you will about Bill Maher – but he’s not boring. One week he’s just another whiny little bitch; the next week he’s one of the few liberal talking heads with a scattering of brain cells.

 

**

 

 

CBS cameramen continue to do an admirable job tracking the progress of their favorite Survivor contestant, young Lauren O’Connell (above right and below).

 

 

**

 

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

 

John Mulaney hosted Saturday Night Live and made me do something I did not expect to do:  laugh. More than once.

The “Cha Cha Slide” (above) was just brilliant.

 

Alas, now that Mulaney’s gone, I suppose it’s back to this tired, lame routine:

 

 

 

**

 

I guess there are worse things than casting Brie Larson as Captain Marvel.

But come on now. What really makes America great, comic-book heroes or Brie Larson in scenes like these?

 

 

 

**

 

 

Cunning linguist. You have to say it real fast. You see, it … oh screw it.

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

.                               

 

All of this babble about the evils of socialism versus the evils of capitalism is annoying. Face it: What we have in the United States right now is a mix of both.

Unrestricted capitalism, which the right seems to favor, leads to ridiculous income inequality. Unrestricted socialism, as we are seeing down south, can lead to Venezuela.

The question is not which system do we choose, socialism or capitalism. The question is determining what kind of a mix we need.

 

On the other hand, I’m terrible at math and economics, so there is an excellent chance that I might not know what the hell I’m talking about.

Now, were you to ask me who has better legs, Larry Kudlow or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, well ….

 

**

 

 

Poor Hollywood. It can’t quite bring itself to lavish Oscars on superhero and comic-book movies. But all Hollywood makes these days are superhero and comic-book movies.

So that means Hollywood has to reward movies that nobody sees. You know, blockbusters like Green Book (above) and The Shape of Water and Moonlight.

 

**

 

 

Survivor is back, which means it’s time to find out which female booty the CBS cameramen are favoring. At first, I thought it might be this chick with the perky boobs:

 

.           

 

But no, it looks like the clear front-runner is student-athlete Lauren:

 

 

.                     

.                   

Click on thumbnails for a better look at Lauren’s booty

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

 

“Actors are cattle.” — Alfred Hitchcock

 

 

Listen up, Deplorables: It’s Oscar time! That means it’s time for you to celebrate and cheer for the celebrities who have made so clear their contempt for you!

Keep buying those tickets, and be sure to watch as your heroes pat themselves on the back at the Academy Awards!

Or, you could subscribe to the words of the late, great Alfred Hitchcock:

 

“I once said that actors are cattle. However, actors are children, and they’re temperamental, and they need to be handled gently and sometimes slapped.” – 1962 interview

 

 

**

 

“The fly-over states have become the passed-over states, that’s why red-state voters are so pissed off. They don’t hate us, they want to be us.” — Bill Maher

Great point. Because who in fly-over country doesn’t envy Maher’s charm and good looks?

 

 

**

 

 

Well, duh.

Of course she’s right. And at 47, she’s still a hot piece of ass.

 

 

OK, maybe not as hot as back in her swimsuit-model days (below), but still ….

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

 

I’ve decided that there is every likelihood that by the end of 2020, the United States will indeed have a border wall stretching from sea to shining sea.

I now believe this will happen because no one in Washington – including Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell — seems to actually want a wall. And if you take into account the general lack of competence in our politicians, it’s only logical that we’ll wind up with something that none of them really wants.

 

**

 

 

I finally saw Happy Death Day on my television set.  The 2017 horror-comedy was a hit and has a sequel now in theaters. As a horror movie, it’s pretty generic. As a romantic comedy, it’s just so-so. But there’s no denying the star-power of Jessica Rothe, pictured above, who’s a comic delight.

 

**

 

Jerk-Off Fantasy of the Week:

 

(Click on photo for, uh, closer examination of 29-year-old Lorrae)

 

Get your boners on, boys; that’s an inviting, pumpable ass. It comes courtesy of Slutty Girl Problems founder and publisher Lorrae Bradbury, and it confirms my theory that, much like the powerful male CEO who privately likes to be whipped by a dominatrix, women who gain power have a secret desire to let men bend them over a table, pecker-poke them in the rear, and plant their seed.

That’s just a hunch. But why else would you advertise like this?

 

Bradbury also has boobs

 

**

 

 

“Jussie Smollett has now reportedly hired a high-priced defense lawyer.” – Jonathan Hunt on Fox News

Question: Do celebrities ever hire a low-priced defense lawyer?

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share

 

T & A in the News

 

I’m sure there’s nothing intentionally smarmy about this voice-over for Tomi Lahren’s new show on Fox:

 

“Tomi heads to the border for an up-close and personal look at

“It’s a revealing five-part series.”

 

 

That’s an up-close and personal look, alright. Also, is it really that cold on the border?

 

 

**

 

 

Fox never seems to run out of new T&A talent. Someone named Abby is hosting stuff on their streaming service. Abby is apparently qualified to do journalism because she played volleyball and her dad is a famous basketball coach.

 

 

We tried to find pictures of Abby’s butt, which must exist because she played volleyball, but we got tired of searching.

So instead, please enjoy these pictures of Fox’s Anna Kooiman from her Web site:

 

© Lyndon Marceau / marceauphotography

© Lyndon Marceau / marceauphotography

 

 

**

 

 

Celebrity Big Brother contestant Natalie Eva Marie (above) got the boot on last night’s episode. She has often mentioned her real brothers on the CBS show.

I hope for the boys’ sake that they aren’t hormonal teenagers, because this image of their sister could mess them up for life:

 

grouchyeditor.com Eva Marie

 

**

 

What with our minus-30-degree cold spells, we have a bad enough reputation here in Minnesota without the likes of this guy making the news:

 

 

**

 

The news just gets more and more depressing:

 

 

© 2010-2025 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Share