The Grouchy Editor

 

These photo ops of Bernie Sanders trying to hit a baseball … I’m sorry, but I think they have the opposite effect of what his handlers probably intend. Bernie looks like frail old Mr. Burns trying to play ball:

 

 

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Trump’s Space Force

 

Hmmm … is it just a coincidence that our new Space Force is introduced just as UFO reports are on the increase?

Just asking.

 

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I get ill when I think about these two porking in the bedroom.

Then again, I get ill thinking about Harvey Weinstein porking, period.

 

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This came in the mail:

 

 

We here at The Grouchy Editor are taking this as a personal challenge. We’ll be the judge of best butts, dammit.

For starters, how about this one?

 

 

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This is Angie Craig, who represents a district near me in Minnesota:

 

 

Why is it that Minnesota gets all of the fruit loops?

 

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From The Hill:

“The unrelenting opposition to Trump is not based on the fictional quid pro quo with Ukraine’s president but rather a desperate need by the entrenched establishment from both political parties to maintain the status quo of their all-powerful club – aka part of the “swamp” Trump sought to drain.”

 

That’s why, were I Trump, I wouldn’t be too comfortable with impeachment in Mitch McConnell’s hands. I suspect McConnell would be much happier dealing with a President Mike Pence than a President Donald Trump.

 

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Dinkle vs. King

 

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

In 1973, my high-school pal Terry and I went to see The Exorcist at a cinema in downtown Minneapolis. Two hours later, we walked out of the theater in stunned silence. It was the scariest movie we had ever seen.

A year later, I took a cheerleader named Laurie to see Earthquake in Willmar, Minnesota. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as it turned out), the movie was sold out and we had to either go home or watch the other movie playing in the building, something called Black Christmas. We chose the latter option. Two hours later, we walked out of the theater in stunned silence.

In the span of one year, I had seen the two most frightening films I would ever see — before or since.

In the ensuing years, I’ve felt no need to justify my admiration for The Exorcist. Its place in the canon of all-time-great horror films is secure.

Not so with Black Christmas. For years, most people weren’t even aware of the low-budget masterpiece from Canadian director Bob Clark. And then, 13 years ago, its memory was pretty much trashed by the release of a much-inferior remake. And now it’s happening again, with wrongheaded feminist/director Sophia Takal defiling the title Black Christmas in the name of “social justice.” And so …

STOP REMAKING THIS MOVIE!

 

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Uh, no. The movie has humor, certainly, but it’s not “campy.” It is scary as hell.

 

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“For the uninitiated, the 1974 Black Christmas is often considered one of the earliest slasher films ever made. Though it received some not-so-great reviews when it first came out, it since gained a cult following, and even partially inspired John Carpenter’s more famous 1978 slasher, Halloween. The film stars Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, and Andrea Martin as sorority girls who received lewd, threatening phone calls from an unknown villain who stalks and murders them. It is, as Decider’s Meghan O’Keefe says, “a bonkers must-watch.” — from the Web site Decider

 

Corrections:  1)  Not just “one of the earliest slasher films ever made,” but one of the best ever made. 2)  Not just “partially inspired”; it hugely inspired Halloween. 3)  Contrary to what you might believe from the above description, Keir Dullea does not play one of the sorority girls. Sheesh.

 

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OK, I’ll stop ranting about Black Christmas now. Read my review of the original by clicking here. See video of the remake’s nude director by clicking here. See below how even the “woke” critics at Rotten Tomatoes are trashing the new version:

 

 

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I can’t decide if Adam Schiff is the love child of Dom DeLuise …

 

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… or Grady Sutton:

 

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Trump

 

It’s more and more apparent that I’m not going to change your mind and you’re not going to change mine.

So we might as well just go ahead and have our civil war and be done with it.

 

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Free advice for the national media: If you’d like to salvage what little credibility you have left, you must move some national headquarters the fuck away from coastal big cities. Having bureaus and stringers in “flyover country” won’t cut it. Some of your headquarters must be located in Chicago or Minneapolis or St. Louis or wherever. It’s your only hope of understanding the entire country.

 

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Yeah, this pretty much confirms my theory that most TV journalists are illiterate.

 

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Why little children have nightmares:

 

 

Hell, that guy gives me nightmares.

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Because we here at The Grouchy Editor are deeply committed to social justice, this week’s Review is sponsored by a company striving to promote the well-being of all Americans.

In the sweet commercial below, a loving husband submits to his wife’s deepest desire and gets her what she really wants for Christmas. In turn, the wife expresses her heartfelt appreciation.

 

 

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The Untouchables

 

 

We’re hearing a lot about Prince Andrew and his ties to notorious pervert Jeffrey Epstein. And we hear bits and pieces about the Clintons’ “friendship” with the dead pariah.

But why aren’t we hearing more about Alan Dershowitz (above) and his trips to Epstein’s Fantasy Island? Is it because he’s a high-powered attorney and everyone’s afraid they’ll get sued?

Could it be that Dershowitz’s Martha’s Vineyard friends stopped inviting him to parties not because he was perceived as a Trump supporter, but because those neighbors were afraid for their teenage daughters?

Just asking. We don’t want to get sued, either.

 

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You might not like Tucker Carlson, but I was reminded of Ted Koppel or Mike Wallace in their heyday when Carlson savaged the apparent biggest prick on the planet, Wall Street’s Paul Singer (above), on Carlson’s Tuesday show.

 

There’s an advantage to running a small Web site that no one has heard of. You can name names, like we did two weeks ago with the Trump “whistleblower,” and shame names, like Dershowitz and Singer, and they let you do it. Because they’ve never heard of you.

 

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Dinkle vs. King

 

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

More Celebrities You Like That I Hate:

 

 

I suppose it’s possible that at some point over the years I saw Will Ferrell (above) in something and thought he was funny but, if so, I’ll be damned if I can remember it.

 

 

Over the years, I have grown to really, really dislike Joe Namath (above, and at top). He’s neither cute nor amusing. He’s an annoying old drunk with an irritating vocal delivery. Any word with a consonant followed by the letter “l,” Namath adds a syllable. Flute becomes “fuh-lute”; include becomes “in-cu-lude.” Drives me nuts.

 

 

Oprah (above) is a predator, preying on people’s emotions from her exalted status as a “strong black woman.” Ugh.

 

 

Ellen DeGeneres (above). Hard to pinpoint exactly what it is about her that irks me. Something seems very fake about her. And no, it has nothing to do with watching football games with Bush.

 

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Every day, we are bombarded with fake headlines. Doesn’t matter if what you’re reading is left-leaning or right-leaning or apparently impartial, they all run fake headlines.

I know this, because I used to write some of them.

The problem would be solved if the media learned to regularly use a simple four-letter word: “says.”

A headline that reads “Senator X believes he will win the election,” or “Kim Kardashian wants more space for gerbils” – fake, both of them.

I take that back. They might be true, but the headline writer doesn’t know that. The headline writer is not a mind reader. The only thing the headline writer knows is that Senator X says he believes he will win the election, and Kim Kardashian says she wants more space for gerbils.

 

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I finished season three of The Crown and my verdict is in. The first half of the season is brilliant television. The second half is very good television – not quite up to the standard of the first half, but hey, very good is still very good.

 

 

How is it that the British seems to have an endless supply of great actors? The same thing happened with the Harry Potter movies. Just when you think they can’t possibly add another outstanding thespian to the cast, they do.

 

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I thought about doctoring a photo and placing Trump’s head on a porn star’s naked body. But then I thought better of it.

I didn’t want to destroy the last shred of sanity remaining in the far left’s collective head.

 

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Speaking of heads, the average person has many microscopic face mites living on his or her head – hundreds of them for sure; possibly thousands.

Think about that next time you kiss a loved one.

 

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Early reviews for season three of The Crown (above) are mostly glowing. What’s strange is that most of the naysayers seem to be members of the British press.

I’ve just watched most of the new season and believe we might as well just give it all the Emmys right now. Yes, it has a new cast, but the drama is just as good as ever.

Just as bad as ever: the Prince of Pedophiles (below).

 

 

Can’t wait for that miniseries.

 

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Uh, I don’t think so. A “screw-up” implies something unintentional. This looks more like an intentional hit followed by an intentional cover-up.

 

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Apparently much of the mainstream and social media are reluctant to out the Trump “whistleblower.” Screw that. Here is his name and here is his picture:

 

 

Eric Ciaramella

 

He looks exactly like the stereotypical millennial snowflake: soft features, prissy, arrogant expression, and a beard to compensate for a near-complete lack of masculinity.

Unless, of course, it turns out that this guy is not the whistleblower, but is simply some dweeb who toils in a cubicle. In which case … oops.

 

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I don’t know. When even Tim Pool finds it necessary to do a story about the fart heard round the world, well …. I’m sure that sooner or later, we’ll get to the bottom of it.

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Don’t forget, this is the guy who got excited when prank phone-callers told him they had nude pictures of Trump:

 

 

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Barring some new major scandal in the coming year – admittedly, always a possibility with this president – I think the country should prepare for four more years of Donald Trump.

 

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Last week I said that I was dreading the upcoming release of Black Christmas – the second remake in the past 13 years of my all-time favorite horror movie (see my review of the original).

But perhaps I’m wrong. The trailer for the remake doesn’t look half bad.

I was curious about the new version’s director, a woman named Sophia Takal, so I Googled her and discovered that she is also an actress whose resume consists of ubiquitous nude scenes in movies you’ve never heard of — probably not a good sign for the new Black Christmas.

Introducing Sophia Takal:

 

 

Then again, Bob Clark, who directed the 1974 original, was also responsible for Porky’s. So, I guess you never know.

 

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Dinkle vs. King

 

 

 

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More views of the director of Black Christmas:

 

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Bits & Pieces

 

Once upon a time, I cast a vote for Bernie Sanders in the Democrat primary.

I must have been crazy.

 

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Once upon a time, I thought Stephen King was a pretty sharp cookie.

I must have been crazy.

 

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I opened my e-mail inbox and some Web site had sent me this picture of Jennifer Lawrence’s bare ass (and boob):

 

 

It might not be the world’s finest ass, but it is Jennifer Lawrence’s ass.

 

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I often suspect that Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham consider President Trump nothing but a useful idiot. Graham seems to want Trump only to keep our troops engaged in endless wars, and McConnell seems to want Trump only to enact tax cuts for the rich and to nominate conservative judges.

But what, exactly, does Trump ever get from them?

 

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I’m glad that I’m not 12 years old anymore. If I was 12 years old today with all of the porn available on the Internet, I would never leave the house.

 

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Once upon a time, when I was a young’un, I cast a vote for John Anderson for president.

Who is John Anderson, you ask?

Exactly.

 

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I’ll say this for Netflix: Like Blockbuster Video in the old days, it is now the nation’s repository of straight-to-video crap. However, unlike Blockbuster, I do not feel compelled to watch more than five minutes of Netflix’s crap, because it doesn’t feel like I’ve wasted my money and time driving to and from the store.

 

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Movie I want to see: Parasite

Movie soon opening that depresses me to think about: Black Christmas

 

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I suspect that a lot of people have kids because they can’t find an adult who will actually love them. Kids, by virtue of being kids, are basically hostages forced to love their parents — or else.

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

 

Isn’t it about time we stop building these presidential libraries?

Most of our ex-presidents retire and get rich giving speeches and “consulting.”  Isn’t that enough of a post-presidency perk?

If we must spend taxpayer money on libraries, let’s use it to construct regular libraries in poor neighborhoods, and stop building expensive shrines to these dudes.

 

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Fire or Ice

 

I live in Minnesota and have endured scores of winters here. Last year was especially brutal, with bone-chilling temperatures that went on for weeks. This morning, November 2, I woke up to this depressing sight:

 

 

A few days ago I saw this headline:

 

 

What if the global-warming people have it backwards and Earth is about to turn into a giant ice-cube? I believe there was a Twilight Zone episode about something like that.

 

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Quid Pro Quo, or, “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours”

 

Silly me. I assumed this is a tactic that’s commonplace among all politicians, presidents, and other people with power.

Sorry, but Democrats seeking impeachment based on quid pro quo strikes me as a continuation of their three-year temper-tantrum-fueled crusade to oust Trump.

It appears that Dems are trying to boot Trump because, unlike predecessors Clinton, Bush, and Obama, Trump is a social bonehead. (OK, OK – Bush came close.)

Unfortunately for Nancy Pelosi and company, being a social bonehead is hardly a high crime or misdemeanor.

Plus, you are conducting secret impeachment meetings based on testimony from a secret whistleblower and if anyone in the public squawks about this, your reply is “just trust us.”

Uh … sure.

 

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Disgraced California Rep. Katie Hill is blaming her affair(s) with subordinate(s) on the patriarchy and/or misogyny.

My guess is that if her nudes were hot, she’d still be in office. Instead, we had to see this:

 

 

Also … who at the Daily Mail did that black-bar censoring of Katie’s crotch? A third grader?

 

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Gene Hackman, Jack Nicholson, Sean Connery ….

Usually when a long time goes by without our hearing from or about some big movie star, it means it won’t be long before we’re reading an obituary.

Haven’t heard squat from these guys in quite awhile ….

 

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According to The Daily Caller, the guy pictured above is a “Hollywood superstar.” Guess I need to pay more attention to pop culture.

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

            

 

Not a week goes by without some celebrity whom I used to like/admire/respect making a complete ass of himself with respect to politics or Trump. This week, I’m looking at the two old boneheads pictured above.

 

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Poor Rachel Maddow. She has a real propensity for attracting men who – scratch that; Rachel, an open lesbian, doesn’t really attract men. But she does seem to wind up closely connected to the worst kind of creeps.

Not that many years ago, this guy was a favorite guest on Rachel’s show:

 

 

After that, she called this guy her co-worker:

 

 

And now we learn that her bosses are these guys:

 

.                   

 

But props to Rachel for going after her creepy bosses on her Friday show. It was a belated but gutsy move.

 

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Former federal prosecutor Jon Sale had effusive praise for John Durham, the prosecutor looking into the Trump investigators:  “His 30-year career gives him credibility … he was a man of integrity, who called them as he saw them. So if he doesn’t have credibility, I mean then nobody does.”

“Well-respected,” “a straight shooter” … hmmm, where have I heard that kind of stuff before? Oh yeah, that’s what they said about Mueller and about Barr and about all of these guys right before they got trashed.

 

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Speaking of talking heads, or heads that are talking … I don’t trust any of these retired generals who get placed before TV cameras and asked to comment on foreign entanglements. Their track record is horrendous.

 

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The New York Times, our so-called “paper of record,” got busted for changing a story after the fact without letting anyone know. This happened, of course, in the online version of the Times.

We’ve done that (rarely, but we have done it) here at The Grouchy Editor. My guess is that it’s a fairly common practice. It’s impossible to go in and change Tuesday’s print newspaper or last week’s magazine, but it’s a piece of cake on a Web site.

So not only can you no longer trust your favorite news source, you can’t even trust that what you read yesterday is still there today.

 

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Joe Biden strikes me as: likeable, stupid, and … crooked as hell.

 

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Oh, that’s good to hear. I’m sure Mark Zuckerberg and his minions will do a wonderful job.

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

There is so much crap going on in politics — again. Too much crap to go into in detail. So let’s just post some random impressions:

 

 

“She’s the favorite of the Russians, they have a bunch of sites and bots and other ways of supporting her so far.” – Hillary about Tulsi

 

Hmmm … could it be that the Russkies like Tulsi because, unlike Hillary, she’s hot?

 

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Hypocrites of the Week:

Kathy Griffin for being outraged by the Trump/Kingsman meme while also believing there was nothing wrong with her Trump-decapitation photo.

Honorable mention to LeBron James, who is very principled … about his money.

 

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Tulsi does have a robotic quality about her, with her stone-faced expressions and sleep-inducing, monotone voice. Was she captured by the Russians and Manchurian candidatized? Candisized? (Sorry, I’m trying to invent a word here.)

But Hillary, it’s still preferable to your evil cackle.

 

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Poor Trump. His chiefs of staff all seem to be either Swamp creatures looking to undermine him, or idiots. Or both.

 

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I have nothing against the Kurds. Twenty-five years ago, I came home from work one night and found several of them sitting on my living-room couch. In Texas. (My then-wife was tutoring Kurdish women, I believe in English skills.) The ladies seemed quite nice.

But this “suddenly abandoning the Kurds” rhetoric is a bit much. The Kurds have known for years that this day might come, and have had plenty of time to ponder life without U.S. troops.

 

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Apparently the creeps at NBC enjoyed looking at pictures of Maria Menounos’s pussy. No reason the creeps reading this post shouldn’t also enjoy looking at the same pictures:

 

 

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Enough about politics. Let’s enjoy my favorite GEICO commercial, which is back just in time for Halloween:

 

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)