The Grouchy Editor

The time for private bitching is over. It’s time to make your voice heard.

If you detest globalists, elites, and insufferable culture warriors, it’s time to push back against their “(not-so) great reset.”

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Yes, a lot of the Republican candidates suck (looking at you, Herschel and Oz). But again, see above.

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A few weeks ago, I reviewed a book called Ten Dead Comedians. I arrived at the conclusion that if you are going to hang out with a professional comedian, you want him or her on a stage, and not in your living room.

That’s also how I feel about The Surreal Life, which has been resurrected on VH1 after a 16-year hiatus. Lord forgive me, I am watching the show again. The eight celebs — half of whom are new names to me — are generally messed up. But the drama in the house (in Mexico City, for some reason) is addicting.

Drunken, often-naked Dennis Rodman, spirit-channeling Stormy Daniels, and some female wrestler named CJ Perry (below) in a thong — what more do you need? It will take your mind off politics. Maybe.

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Let the spoiled children learn to code.

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

American Horror Show

With the big elections just a couple of weeks away, there is likely nothing more my humble self can say that might dissuade you from voting for the monsters (Democrats) — if you are hell-bent on doing so.

I might as well just sit back and watch the horror show, if that’s what it turns out to be.

In the spirit of Halloween, here is what you can expect if you vote blue:

“Son of Fester and Lurch”

Above, Morticia and Lurch Jr. greet the monster-in-chief.

“The Man Who Laughs”

If everything goes to hell, it’s your fault, not his.

“Quasimodo”

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Male Quasimodo’s unsightly hump is in the back; female Quasimodo’s unsightly humps are in the front. 

“Bride of Dracula”

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The Curse of Ryan Murphy

Ryan Murphy has a long history of creating shows with great premises but which, sooner or later, go off the rails. His openings almost always intrigue, but then it’s just a question of time before the show turns into a parody of itself. It’s as if Murphy loses interest in his own story, and then doesn’t care how it ends.

Sometimes a Murphy show takes years to go bonkers (Nip/Tuck 2003-10), sometimes it happens near the end of season one (The Watcher), but usually it goes haywire somewhere in the middle of a season’s run (American Horror Story).

Murphy should just write a story outline and then let someone else fill in the rest.

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I used to be fond of Mike Lindell because, back when the left was trying to get advertisers to boycott Tucker Carlson’s show, Lindell and his pillows stuck with Carlson.

But good lord, with Lindell’s omnipresent, annoying TV commercials, in which he doesn’t so much pitch his product as make my walls shake due to his shouting, it feels like he’s moved into my living room.

I want to stuff His Pillows up His Ass.

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The girl from Minnesota with the “fuck me” fanny continues to generate hits for our site. Certainly nothing monstrous about her.

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Dahmer is apparently doing gangbusters business on Netflix — despite controversies involving the gay community and relatives of the notorious serial killer’s victims.

There’s a reason most shows about monsters like Jeffrey Dahmer focus on the twisted minds of the killers, and not on the people they slaughter. The former is endlessly fascinating; the latter is predictable and, well, often dull.

I was completely absorbed by the first six (of ten) episodes in Ryan Murphy’s miniseries, in which we zoom in on the madman from Wisconsin. As played by Evan Peters, Dahmer is bland and mundane … and monstrous. Once the emphasis of Dahmer shifts to the victims, a great deal of the drama fades.

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Speaking of lunatics, with any luck, the whole country will be fucking with the Bidens in the not-so-distant future.

And haven’t thousands of citizens chanting “Let’s go, Brandon!” at sporting events been fucking with Joe for a year?

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Southern governors shipping illegal aliens to big cities in the north might be a political “stunt,” but it’s a highly effective, brilliant stunt.

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Listen, I want the Republicans to take back congress next month (not because they deserve it, but because the alternative is unthinkable). But as a longtime Minnesota Vikings fan, my opinion of candidate Herschel Walker hasn’t changed over the years. He’s always been a bonehead, and he remains a bonehead.

In fact, it’s really a tossup as to who is more inarticulate, Walker or Pennsylvania’s John Fetterwoman.

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My cable company seems to think I would enjoy watching Hart to Hart. But I’m unconvinced that a picture of Robert Wagner pointing a gun at a woman he is supposedly close to is the message they want to convey.

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

TheQuartering

“When flying over the middle of America the turbulence is so bad. It’s like all the ignorance is rising through the air.” — Trevor Noah tweet

“When flying over The Daily Show studio in New York City, the turbulence is so bad. It’s like all the bad jokes and low ratings are rising through the air.” — America’s Midwest

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I feel the same way about hurricanes in Florida as I do about wildfires in California: They are not going to stop. If you are a resident of either state, either purchase hurricane/wildfire insurance or move somewhere safer.

Those of us who do not live in tropical paradises like Florida and California spend much of our lives envying residents of those states. If we are expected to bail you out every time disaster strikes, perhaps you should pay a luxury tax to less fortunate citizens stuck in “Flyoverland.”

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TV Bad News

Three Reasons I Have No Desire to Watch Blonde:

1.  I understand it’s a real downer. I already knew Marilyn Monroe’s life was a downer. I don’t care to wallow in it.

2.  It’s 166 minutes long. Unless it’s Lawrence of Arabia, that’s too long for any movie, especially one that’s a downer.

3.  If I want to see Ana de Armas naked, that’s what the Internet is for. There are already tons of naked pics and videos of Ana de Armas, and they don’t last 166 minutes.

TV Good News

Trevor Noah, Samantha Bee, and James Corden all gone or going? Now if they can just dump Kimmel and Colbert, I might start watching late-night talk shows again.

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How to discuss your tiny penis with a young Filipino artist who has been commissioned to draw it:

First: If you are Rip van Dinkle, you send her uncensored pictures from the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant. You include a full-frontal and a shot of a pageant judge measuring your manhood on stage.

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Second:  You read the following questions and/or concerns that the girl, Kryanne Dane, has for you:

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Dance of the Jocks

In my drinking days, I would often find myself at parties in someone’s garage or backyard, standing amidst a huddle of straight guys near a keg. Because my powers of observation are akin to those of Sherlock Holmes, I would notice a little “dance” that these dudes would invariably perform — particularly if they were jocks, past or present. It was if they had crapped their pants and were hoping to shake the nasty stuff out the bottom of their pant-legs.

I thought of this on Sunday when I tuned in to the NFL pre-game show on Fox, in which the show’s hosts — all of them ex-jocks of one sort or another — did the same dance I observed at those long-ago keg parties (see video above). But why?

I suspect that, although most of the Fox men are closer, age-wise, to rocking chairs than to football fields, they were signaling to the world that they had lost no youthful virility. Just say the word, and they were all ready to carry that ball over the goal-line.

I also suspect that, during commercial breaks, the aging jocks stop their macho dance and stagger for relief from nearby oxygen tanks.

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Miscellaneous Gripes

I didn’t think it was possible to have a so-called “Republican” worse than Lindsey Graham, who seems hell-bent on sabotaging his own party in the November elections. But I’d forgotten about this guy:

Graham and Mitch McConnell are both happy to sell out to the globalists/Democrats/Chinese — just so long as they get to keep their own cushy seats at the elites’ table.

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I still enjoy a good TV show. But I can no longer stand most of the people who make them. And so, I no longer tune in to watch actors and other Hollywood morons as they pat themselves on the backs at awards shows. 

According to the sinking ratings for the Emmys, looks like I have lots of company.

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We’re finding out just how “compassionate” these liberals are, aren’t we? It’s a perfect example of “Not in My Backyard!”

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If you’re one of those people who “can’t stand politics” because you’re bored by it or don’t think your actions — or lack of actions — make any difference, then you are chiefly responsible for the demise of America.

This weaponization of law enforcement (and the media) is beyond awful.

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Hollywood Nutjobs

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Coming tomorrow, a new Tale From The Grouch — “Ted’s Head.”

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)

Here’s the thing: I liked Downton Abbey. I think Helen Mirren’s The Queen is a superb movie. If I was pressed to name my favorite (current) TV series, I might say The Crown.

I am, you could safely say, a confirmed Anglophile — when it comes to fiction.

Here’s the rub: I think the British monarchy, circa 2022, is a joke.

Now that England is crowning King Charles the Tampon, it might be a good time to dispense with it.

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I usually get sick to death of trendy cliches, like “sick to death.” But for some odd reason, I’m still a bit tickled by “across the pond.”

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Speaking of jokes, is there a bigger one than this woman?

She must be setting back the agenda of lesbian black women by a good 20 years.

Nah, that’s just dreaming on my part. They probably love her.

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Why I could never be King of England: I post naughty pictures on the Internet.

Why Queen Elizabeth was such a success: She’d never pose for naughty pictures.

Then again, there was that whole Charles-wants-to-be-a-tampon thing.

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I keep stumbling on pictures of naked girls who look strikingly like women I once knew. Or is it really them?

Either I need to stop surfing porn sites … or I need to do it more often.

[c] 2010-[y] grouchyeditor.com (text only)