The Grouchy Editor

If you hear anything at all about Precious before seeing it, you’ll probably expect a depressing, unpleasant experience.  Your assumption would be correct.  To Sir, With Love, this movie ain’t.

But director Lee Daniels’s drama is worth viewing for at least two reasons.  No matter where you stand on the welfare issue, Daniels’s film will probably convince you that there are two types of people on public assistance — those who truly deserve it, and those who do not.

Which brings me to the second reason Precious is worth seeing:  the Oscar-winning performance by Mo’Nique as the ultimate “welfare queen.”  You do not want to haggle with this character over food stamps.

And yet, social issues and great performances aside, Precious is a movie that, I think, is not as accessible as it aspires to be.  Try as I might, this middle-class, middle-aged, white male reviewer simply could not much relate to Precious’s nightmarish world.  God knows that is not a complaint, just an observation.      Grade:  B+

Director:  Lee Daniels  Cast:  Gabourey “Gabbie” Sidibe, Mo’Nique, Paula Patton, Lenny Kravitz, Mariah Carey, Sherri Shepherd  Release:  2009

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I recently re-watched the classic sorority-massacre movie Black Christmas (1974 version), and that put me in the mood for a new slasher flick, and so I made the mistake of renting Sorority Row.

There is only one way to rate junk like this, so here we go (start with zero points):

1)  Does it have an attractive cast?  Are the sorority girls worth watching?  Yes and yes.  Add 50 points.

2)  Are the production values decent?  Is it well photographed, edited, scored, etcetera?  Yes.  Add 20 points.

3)  Do the attractive stars get naked?  No.  Subtract 30 points.

4)  Does anyone get naked?  Yes, several bit players in a shower scene at the midpoint.  Add 25 points.

5)  Is the killer a surprise, or pretty obvious?  Pretty obvious.  Call it a draw.

6)  Is the killer, once unmasked, a memorable villain?  No.  Very dull.  Subtract 20 points.

7)  Are the killings original?  Not really.  A tire iron is a tire iron.  Subtract 10 points.

Total score:  35

Is that a D or an F?  I’ll be generous.    Grade:  D

Director:  Stewart Hendler  Cast:  Briana Evigan, Rumer Willis, Carrie Fisher, Jamie Chung, Julian Morris, Leah Pipes, Margo Harshman, Matt Lanter, Audrina Patridge, Deja Kreutzberg   Release:  2009

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Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds is really two movies, which is a shame, because one of them is pretty good.  Tarantino’s World War II revisionist revenge story has some seriously suspenseful scenes.  I’m thinking, for example, of the lengthy prologue and a later scene that takes place in a basement tavern.  You watch these scenes and the tension absorbs you.

Alas, we also have the second movie.  This second film stars Brad Pitt in a foul-mouthed update of Lee Marvin’s character in The Dirty Dozen, and it features lots of goofiness and gore.  It’s as if Tarantino could not make up his mind:  create a nerve-wracking war drama, but also lampoon them, the better to attract the snark-loving youth market.  And so we get a cartoonish portrayal from Pitt, spaghetti-Western music, and Batman-like graphics (I half expected “BAM!” and “ZOWEEE!” to appear during fight scenes).  Tarantino’s two films don’t mesh.

As for the much-ballyhooed performance by Christoph Waltz, the pundits’ pick for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar, Waltz is good.  But if you prefer your Nazis with a bit more subtlety, I recommend August Diehl in a less-showy role as Major Hellstrom, oozing menace in the aforementioned tavern scene.       Grade:  C+

Director:  Quentin Tarantino  Cast:  Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, Michael Fassbender, Eli Roth, Diane Kruger, Daniel Bruhl, Til Schweiger, Melanie Laurent, August Diehl, Julie Dreyfus  Release:  2009

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You’re browsing at the video store and you read this on the back of a DVD cover:  “Answers lead him (the hero) on a twisted journey of faith, family, delinquent behavior and mortality.”  Do you rent the movie?  Sounds nutritious, right?  Nah, you do what I do — you put it back on the shelf and find something a little … earthier.  Something with a little more … gusto.

Sometimes that impulse is a mistake.  A Serious Man, the Coen brothers’ reflection on Jewish life in 1960s Minnesota, is what you get when you combine a low-budget, intimate indie with the polish you’d expect from two Oscar-winning Hollywood veterans.

The plot seems simple:  Jewish family man faces crises as his world begins to crumble.  The humor is gentle; this is the 1960s Midwest — hardly Judd Apatow territory.  And yet, with this low-key, low-budget, low-concept material, the brothers Coen craft a film you might remember much longer than that earthier stuff, the stuff with “gusto.”      Grade:  B+

Directors:  Joel Coen, Ethan Coen  Cast:  Michael Stuhlbarg, Fred Melamed, Richard Kind, Aaron Wolf, Sari Wagner, Jessica McManus, Amy Landecker   Release:  2009

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You’ve got to hand it to the makers of 2012 — they deliver what you expect.   Much as I’d like to rate this end-of-the-world movie lower, with its plodding plot and cardboard characters, I have to admit that I anticipated fun special effects, and fun special effects I got.

It’s interesting how the basic formula for this type of film has changed so little since Irwin Allen popularized the “disaster picture” back in the 1970s.  Just as in The Towering Inferno, Earthquake, and The Poseidon Adventure, we get a big-name cast so that the script doesn’t have to waste time on character development.  We already knew Steve McQueen and we already know John Cusack, so there’s no reason to waste time on boring exposition.  No, let’s go straight to the goodies:  tidal waves, earthquakes, explosions.  From time to time, the action is interrupted for some insipid preaching about love or the future of mankind.

2012 dutifully carries on this hackneyed tradition.  But the special effects are impressive … although you have to wonder how lame they might look on late-night TV in 2032.       Grade:  C

Director:  Roland Emmerich  Cast:  John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton, Danny Glover, Woody Harrelson  Release:  2009

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The Box gets a passing grade chiefly for what it is not:  It’s not boring and it’s not predictable.  As for what it is … good grief.  A mess?

Based on a short story by Richard Matheson (a writer whose work runs the Hollywood gamut; everything from the good, like I Am Legend, to the bizarre, like this film), The Box left me scratching my head.  Should I watch it again, to see if it makes more sense?  Nah, I didn’t like it well enough the first time.  But it does have intriguing parts to its ridiculous whole.

Start with the soundtrack.  It’s rare that I even notice the background music in thrillers.  But in this film the score by Arcade Fire screams for attention.  It often becomes a distraction, as the musical group channels everything from Bernard Herrmann to 1970s strings and bells.  And yet, like the film itself, the music has an odd charm.

Matheson’s plot is about a young couple forced to make a difficult choice:  earn a million bucks but cause someone’s death, or decline the money.  That’s an old plot, but there’s no denying the film’s originality.       Grade:  C-

Director:  Richard Kelly  Cast:  Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella, James Rebhorn, Holmes Osborne  Release:  2009

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The Informant! has taken a rap for treating serious issues (corporate price fixing, embezzlement) in a lighthearted manner, and with some justification.  After all, informant Mark Whitacre and other Archer Daniels Midland executives served real prison terms for their involvement in the 1990s scandal.  Nothing funny about that.

In the film’s defense are Hollywood tradition and the moviegoer’s common sense. Filmmakers have been glorifying crooks forever (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,  Public Enemies), and most people understand the difference between reality and movies.

If you can deal with that divorce from reality and take director Steven Soderbergh’s black comedy for what it is, then The Informant! is an amusing lark.  Matt Damon, apparently wearing a fat suit, is a mild-mannered delight as Whitacre, whose self-delusions only escalate as the American Dream crumbles around him.
Grade:  B

Director:  Steven Soderbergh  Cast:  Matt Damon, Scott Bakula, Joel McHale, Melanie Lynskey, Tony Hale, Thomas F. Wilson, Rick Overton, Tom Papa, Adam Paul, Paul F. Tompkins  Release:  2009

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The beauty of  The September Issue is that you don’t need fashion sense to make sense of it.  At heart, it’s the story of two women who, although quite different in temperament, have made legends of themselves in the fashion world.

One of those women you probably know:  Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of Vogue and allegedly the inspiration for Meryl Streep’s acidic character in The Devil Wears Prada.  The other woman, Vogue creative director Grace Coddington, is behind the scenes and seems the sort of woman who’d treat office temps to donuts and survival tips.

Coddington gets most of the documentary’s screentime, and the former model milks her time in the spotlight.  Maybe too much so.

The camera-shy Wintour does not seem devilish at all, merely perfectionist and introverted.  In her limited time on screen, she is the more enigmatic and interesting of the two women, especially in brief interviews about her family.          Grade:  B+

Director:  R.J. Cutler  Featuring:  Anna Wintour, Grace Coddington  Release:  2009

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