The Grouchy Editor

It was a dark and spooky night.  On a lonely highway in the middle of nowhere, a man and a woman make the mistake of stopping for the night at an ominous motel.  And that’s the point where all similarities between Psycho and Vacancy disappear.  But Vacancy is surprisingly good, mindless fun – until it degenerates into all-too-familiar horror-movie hokum in its second half.  But did I mention that much of the film is good, mindless fun?  Watch it for free by clicking here.

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Once upon a time, Tim Burton made original, interesting movies.  Once upon a time, Johnny Depp starred in films that appealed to audiences beyond 14-year-old boys. In 1994, Burton and Depp teamed up for this little gem, the story of Hollywood’s most ignominious director, Edward D. Wood, Jr.  Wood was responsible for atrocities such as Plan 9 from Outer Space and Glen or Glenda.  Watch Depp, Martin Landau, and Sarah Jessica Parker in Ed Wood by clicking here.

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I’m a sucker for the “old dark house” murder mystery that Hollywood cranked out in the 1930s.  Sometimes you crave your clichés and stereotypes, and The Thirteenth Guest delivers.  This 1932 lark features a cobweb-strewn mansion with hidden passageways; squabbling family members, each of them with a motive for murder; a hooded villain with a cackle from hell.  There are two things that lift Guest a notch above most movies of its kind:  lots of humor – intentional and otherwise – and a charming leading lady named Ginger Rogers.  Watch it free by clicking here.

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Roman Polanski’s 1965 chiller is not exactly “scary” by today’s standards, but it’s still enormously creepy, and after watching Catherine Deneuve’s performance you might never look at a hot blonde in quite the same way.  Read my review of the movie, or click here to watch it free.

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“I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me.” – Mel Gibson’s opening words as narrator of The Patriot.  Go ahead and chuckle, then watch Mel in his glory days by clicking here.

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Poor Ray Milland.  I can’t think of another star from Hollywood’s golden age who, as his career faded, wound up in more embarrassing movies.  Milland, once-upon-a-time lead actor in classics like The Uninvited and The Lost Weekend, by the 1970s was sharing a human torso with Rosey Grier in The Thing with Two Heads.  Frogs isn’t quite that bizarre, but it is, as filmcritic.com observes, “ridiculous, yet inexplicably watchable.”  Milland plays a crusty Southern patriarch whose family members fall prey to creepy crawlies on a remote island.  Watch it free by clicking here.

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OK, so it’s not quite of the same caliber as All the President’s Men, but no one smouldered quite like Paul Newman, and very few did “spunky” as well as Sally Field.  Watch them duel as a journalist (Field) is duped into printing a damaging story about an innocent man (Newman).  Sydney Pollack directs.  Click here to watch it free.

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The United States finally got bin Laden.  I can’t think of a better way to celebrate than by watching a military movie, can you?  Can you handle the truth?  Watch pretty boy Tom Cruise duel with Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men, free of charge by clicking here.

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“Not recommended for feminists.”  So says critic Leonard Maltin about this John Wayne-Maureen O’Hara comic western, but I can’t imagine why Maltin feels that way.  Could it be the spankings administered to O’Hara and Stefanie Powers by their McLintock! male co-stars?   Watch this 1963 oater – which is loosely based on Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew, of all things – for free by clicking here.

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When you think about it, comedian Bob Hope’s movie persona was one odd duck.  I mean, would you trust the guy alone with your kids, much less your girlfriend?  Might not your kids wind up in the microwave, and your girlfriend running for her life?  Try not to think about it.  Instead, watch old ski-nose in his 1947 prime, co-starring with Dorothy Lamour in My Favorite Brunette.  Watch it for free by clicking here.

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