Tagged: Michele Carrasquillo Schaefer

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What’s the most embarrassing thing a woman can do to a dude? How about pull his pants down, expose his (tiny) penis, take pictures and then share his secret with the world? Oh, and why not measure his privates with a ruler?

 

From Thought Catalog:

 

1

 

Who’s Measuring

Rip van Dinkle’s Dink?

 

asha6

 

.  1  2

.  The penis pageant showrunner …         … measures Rip on stage

 

. aiden  aiden-2

. The “mean girl” …                                     … gets Rip’s statistics

 

.  jaye-1  jaye-2

.  The Minnesota model …                         … disrespects her elder

 

.  3 5

.  The B-movie star …                                  … joins in the fun

 

.  amy-1  minnick

.  The photographer …                       … documents Rip’s “manhood”

 

**

 

The Minnesota Model

 

jaye4

 

Twenty-five-year-old Jaye was tasked with giving old man Rip a video physical. This required her to examine his manhood with a magnifying glass, test his penile muscle with a pencil, and measure his member with a ruler. Jaye performed her duties admirably.

When Rip discovered that Jaye would actually be touching his penis, he was concerned that the results of her measurement would be less than scientific.

“This was a real test for my smallness,” Rip said. “I knew I was in trouble when we got to her apartment, where she and I shot the videos. I had to follow her up some stairs and, as you can see in the bikini picture below, Jaye has an ass born for boners. In fact, she told me an old boyfriend had a nickname for her: Bonerific.”

Jaye’s penis poking, prodding, and near-puking are captured in the short videos below.

 

Jaye

 

.                    jaye3 jaye5 jaye8

.                    jaye2 jaye7 jaye6

Click on pictures for bigger views of Jaye

 

Prior to their, ahem, “hands-on” video shoot, Rip and budding journalist Jaye Millspaugh collaborated on a short print interview. Read it here:

 

Have you ever wondered who has the smallest penis in Brooklyn? That could possibly be Rip van Dinkle, a contestant in last year’s annual Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant. He has traveled from his home in Minnesota twice to compete, and be hilariously ridiculed by female audience members half his age. One of them decided to start a conversation.

JAYE MILLSPAUGH: Jesus fuck, you’re tiny! Do you even know who I am?

RIP VAN DINKLE:  I’ve been told that “it’s the motion of the ocean, not the size of the boat,” that matters to most women. Then again, one woman did comment that her two-year-old baby boy is better hung than I am.

Do I know who you are? I was told you are a journalist for one of those feminist sites, Jezebel or Cosmopolitan or something. Is that not the case?

JM: Are you serious? And, god no. Do I look like a fucking geek? I’m only the hottest supermodel in Minnesota. What makes you think you can get with me?

RVD: Gosh, I didn’t know you were a model, too. I’ll have to find your pictures and spend some time with them – that’s a good description of most of my dates lately.

JM: Are you kidding me? How do you not know my face? Everyone knows my face. And you know my ex played for the Gophers, right? Third-string quarterback. You’re like, one-third his size. I could fucking bite your dick off and eat it like candy.

RVD: I’ve been told that my penis is similar to a Tootsie Roll, the small ones, that is. I’m sorry to hear about your ex-boyfriend. My manhood is about 1.5 inches long, so if he’s three times that size, I guess he’s not real big, either.

JM: Oh no, he’s totally big. I don’t date guys who aren’t. I mean seriously, like how is yours even effective?

RVD: My penis, you mean?

JM: Yeah.

RVD: I’ve never actually had a woman ask, “Is it in yet?” On the other hand, my ex-wife Amy did used to ask me, “Is it still in, or did it pop out again?” Guys like me sometimes have trouble keeping it in.

JM: Well there’s no way you could fit inside me, let alone get me off! Could you please go crawl in a hole and leave me alone?

RVD: Oh, I’m quite sure I could fit inside you. In fact, I could probably fit inside you four or five times, if I had four or five more cocks the size of mine. Leave you alone? Aren’t you the one interviewing me?

JM: Whatever. Just know I’m not interested. What makes you think you can pleasure me though? Please explain your techniques.

RVD: I kind of doubt that I could pleasure you. Especially since you are a supermodel. I’ve discovered that what worked for other women who slept with me was their imagination. You would just have to imagine that I am, oh, say Jamie Foxx in Django Unchained. You know, the scene where he is naked and hanging upside down? And his big penis is hanging down? That image worked pretty well for my ex.

Plus, I am getting old and don’t produce much sperm anymore, so the whole thing would be over for you pretty quick.

JM: Yeah, that shit’s not gonna work for me. How many other women has that worked on? I’m guessing none!

RVD: You’re right. That’s why I have a tongue, I suppose.

JM: I would certainly hope so. Was your ex-wife even hot? I bet she looked like Shrek.

RVD: It’s true that the first time my ex-wife slept with me, she was drunk. She might not have remembered how tiny I am the next morning. [Editor’s Note: See Rip’s ex-wife, Amy, pictured below. Click on pictures for a bigger view.]

 

.                          amy-schmidt-1        amy-schmidt

 

On the other hand, I’m guessing that this photo shoot I did with Amy (the photographer, not my ex-wife) will attract lots of women once the photos get posted on the Internet.

JM: You’re fucking delusional if you think lots of women will be attracted to you. What the fuck happened to your ex-wife? Did she kill herself after sobering up?

RVD: She married another guy in Texas. She told me there was “no comparison” between him and me. I assume that means my pecker is prettier. You’ve seen my pictures – don’t you think that’s probably the case?

JM: God, no. You’re fucking gross. Bye, Losersaurus Rex!

RVD: Can I have your phone number? You seemed to be quite impressed with me, and it seems like we hit it off. You can call me Jamie.

*Quickly walks away and flips him off.

 

**

 

From Thought Catalog:

 

2

 

**

 

A “Growing Concern”

 

jaye

“From what I’ve seen, it’s still well below average.”

 

Rip’s dick measurements did not all go smoothly. Although his “little friend” stayed within its normal size range – just under 2 inches – when he stood on a Brooklyn stage in front of scores of cheering women, that wasn’t always the case in more intimate settings with model Jaye and photographer Amy.

Jaye’s fingering of his noodle had caused his blood to flow — downhill. Rip mentioned his partial erection to her, just in case she hadn’t noticed. Jaye replied: “From what I’ve seen, it’s still well below average.”

Jaye informed Rip that she intended to show the video to her friends, who would get a laugh out of his videotaped exposure.

 

minnick-1

 

Photographer Amy, who spent hours documenting Rip’s tiny tool, at one point stopped shooting his nude self and blushed. With an awkward smile, she told Rip that “it” had grown bigger.

Rip later explained: “Doesn’t matter if you have a small dick or not. When you are naked and there is a woman kneeling in front of you, two feet away, and aiming her camera at your crotch, you are going to get excited.  I mean, she’s looking at your package. So you are thinking about sex.  Jaye was playing with my penis, and Amy was taking close-ups of my nut sack. What was I supposed to do?”

 

dsc_1835

Amy’s parting shot of Rip 

 

**

 

The Gal Pal

 

.   face  carra2

“I see there is good and bad to being the smallest weenie”

 

But what about Rip’s friends – especially female friends? What did they think of Rip’s public exposure — or, as some would have it, his public emasculation?

Rip checked in with buddy Michele Carrasquillo, who had earlier sent this message to him:

 

“I don’t mind seeing too much penis, but I’d prefer if they were on super-hot guys not doing super-gross stuff. Just sayin’. Vive la Penis!”

 

Michele was unaware of Rip’s participation in the small-penis pageant. He directed her to a Web site that had done a story about the event.

What did Michele think? Was she embarrassed for Rip, now that she knew the secret of his mini-manhood? Would she laugh at his cock, now that she’d seen it? Would she wonder if it was any bigger when it was erect?

 

2013

 

Michele: “Rip Van Dinkle”?

Ha ha ha! It is you. I recognize the headband from your video. I see you have been keeping yourself busy. You are one step away from being a full-blown celebrity. Thanks for sharing. What big project is next? Or should I say, little project? 

 

Rip: shhhhh … don’t tell anybody ….

 

Michele: No worries … I won’t give away your alias or secret hobby. Long live penis pageants! So, did you win anything in that contest? I’m thinking, second place is still worthy of a prize.

 

Rip: Am surprised you hadn’t heard of it. Pictures and videos all over the Internet. I could have won the stupid thing, but I got nervous about all of the negative attention and decided I did not want to win. So I began flipping the bird to the crowd and scowling at them. It worked … and I was right about the negative attention.

 

Michele: Ahh, I see there is good and bad to being the smallest weenie. Maybe you were meant to be the #1 next year for Miley! Leave the birds at home though!

 

2016

 

Rip: I did the small-penis pageant in Brooklyn again. I’d send you links to some of the stories, but then you would see pictures of my small penis, and I’d prefer that you be fooled and assume that I have a big penis. And big balls.

 

Michele: Well, you clearly have big balls. Ha ha! I saw some of the earlier articles.

 

 

.   new1       new2

“Well, you clearly have big balls. Ha ha!”

 

 

.                     grouchyeditor.com Michele Carrasquillo grouchyeditor.com Michele Carrasquillo grouchyeditor.com Michele Carrasquillo

Click on pictures for bigger views of Michele

 

 

Rip got no sympathy from sexy Michele who, instead of reassuring him in his masculinity, could not resist piling on:

 

.                          2      6

“What big project is next?

                         Or should I say, little project?” 

 

**

 

From Thought Catalog:

 

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Part 3

 

In the third and final part of the series, Rip does Skype with bloggers and sex workers, and is slut-shamed by two “mean girls.” Part 3 is coming soon. Click here to go to Part 1.

 

 

© 2010-2017 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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rip2Photo by Amy Minnick

 

We asked Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contestant Rip van Dinkle to find out if size matters — specifically, to find out if his size matters.

Rip revealed his (not quite) two-inch tool to a bevy of attractive women — about half of them in face-to-face … er, face-to-penis encounters, and the other half over Skype — and asked them to pass judgment.

And because we realize that not more than three or four people on the planet care to read a post loaded with pictures of Rip’s puny pecker, we included eye-candy shots of the girls who ogled Rip’s manhood.

The leering ladies ran the gamut: podcasters, bloggers, a sex writer, a photographer, models, bar managers, some sex workers, and a few “girls next door.” Here they are:

 

 

Who’s Looking at Rip’s Dick?

 

.                   aimeealeeyaasha

                               Aimee                            Aleeya                            Anna

 

.                   cerseichristinecyndi

                                Cersei                            Christine                       Cyndi

 

.                   emilyjayegrouchyeditor.com Michele Carrasquillo

                                Emily                             Jaye                              Michele

 

.                   kelseylilithgrouchyeditor.com Shawna Roberts

                                Kelly                            Lilith                            Sienna

 

.                   bishopdeejuli

                                Aiden                            Dee                                 Juliana

 

.                   mistygrouchyeditor.com Abbi Sterngrouchyeditor.com Rachel Khona

                                Misty                             Abbi                            Rachel

 

.                   maggievivianamy

                                Maggie                          Vivian                           Amy

 

.                   aliciagrouchyeditor.com Melanie Riedersgrouchyeditor.com Poppins

                                Alicia                           Melanie                   Just Kidding 

 

 

The Podcasters:

 

.                   rachel rip3 abbi

 

mail

questions

 

Rachel Khona attended the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant “to giggle at tiny penises and the men who would actually show them.” Khona, a sex writer, then invited Rip to discuss his package on her podcast, which she co-hosted with gal-pal Abbi Stern.

Rachel made it clear on the podcast that she would never, ever consider sleeping with someone like Rip, what with his puny pecker and all. Apparently, Rachel and Abbi wanted from Rip that rarest of things: a male who would actually confess in public that yes, his dick was lacking.

 

From the podcast:

 

Stern:  “It’s hilarious that anybody would want to advertise they have a small penis, because I don’t know how they’re ever gonna get ass after that.”

Khona:  “It’s sad. It feels like there’s a finger in you. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s there.”

 

. khona44    “So what’s it like having a small penis? How big does it get?”

 

. rip2    “Are you counting limp? For me, that’s not quite two inches.”

 

 

Moral of the story:  If you are under-hung, you don’t get to fuck Rachel. But she will giggle at your little dick.

 

 

.                   khona1 khona2 khona3

.                   khona5 khona6 khona7

                                   Click on pictures for bigger views of Rachel

 

khona

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From Thought Catalog:

 

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The Photo Shoot:

 

rip1

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Rip’s participation in the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant brought him Internet notoriety. But he doesn’t live in Brooklyn; he lives in Minneapolis.

Local photographer Amy Minnick recruited models Anna, Kelly, and Sienna to pose with naked-as-a-jaybird Rip. The goal was not to flatter the bearded, beer-bellied Baby Boomer. The goal was to depict how a group of sexy ladies might react to Rip and his mini member.

When Rip revealed his private parts to the ladies in these pictures, they were polite enough to giggle at his shortcomings – at least not in front of him. In the picture below, Rip himself was not present, so the girls felt free to express how they really felt — especially with Rip’s organ side-by-side with other, more fortunate males.

 

 

rip4

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Anna

 

Anna was the most enthusiastic model. When photographer Amy needed a volunteer to check out Rip’s manhood with a magnifying glass, Anna did not have to be asked twice: 

 

asha4Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Above, Anna zooms in on her subject matter. In the picture below, Rip owns the prick at far right. But you already guessed that.

We can’t imagine what Anna finds so funny. She probably felt sorry for the two chaps on the left.

 

asha5

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

.                   asha2 asha1 asha3

                                     Click on pictures for bigger views of Anna

 

Sienna

 

Sienna was required to strip down to black bra and thong panties. This presented a challenge for Rip. As the possessor of a tiny penis, would the sight of half-naked Sienna prompt a … physical change in him? Would his penile puniness be exposed as a fraud?

 

shawna3

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

In the photo above, Sienna apparently sees something amusing in her wine glass.

 

 

shawna1

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Above, Rip conquers a potentially embarrassing boner by concentrating not on Sienna in the bed behind him but rather on … a strap-on dildo?

 

 

shawna2

Photo by Amy Minnick

 

Sienna, who apparently hasn’t seen enough, uses binoculars to eyeball Rip’s junk. At least it wasn’t a telescope.

 

 

.                   shawna5 shawna6 shawna7

                                 Click on pictures for bigger views of Sienna

 

shawna8

 

 

Kelly

 

Kelly was the quiet, bashful model in the studio. We have no idea what she might have been thinking when she came face-to-face with Rip and his dangling noodle. But her smile seemed to indicate that she enjoyed his birthday-suit shame fame.

 

kelsey1

Photo by Amy Minnick

Left to right above: Kelly (and dog), Anna, Sienna, Rip’s pecker

 

kelsey2

 

kelsey3

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Moral of the story:  We asked Rip if this photo shoot, featuring naked him and four clothed women, was a humiliating experience. “OK, it wasn’t exactly a Playgirl centerfold shoot,” he said. “But hey, how many guys can say they spent three hours on a Saturday afternoon with four chicks ogling their junk?”

A very good point.

Alas, Rip did not get a piece of ass from these ladies. The girls did, however, enjoy emasculating him.

 

**

 

Hats off (pants off?) to Amy Minnick, the woman who took the, uh, interesting black-and-white photos. Not only did the lens on her camera not shatter, but she endured hours of close scrutiny of Rip’s hairy cock and balls. We’re guessing that, outside of Rip himself (and his ex-wife), no one has spent more time staring at his twig and berries than Amy has.

Then again, who knows? Maybe she enjoyed it. Amy is pictured below.

 

amy

 

**

 

From Thought Catalog:

 

3

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**

 

Part 2

 

In Part 2, Rip has his dick measured by a Minnesota model and confesses his penis-pageant participation to sexy gal-pal Michele. Featuring video clips. Click here to go to Part 2.

 

© 2010-2017 grouchyeditor.com (text only)

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