New Year’s Resolutions:
- Here’s hoping there are more airplane disasters, so that CNN might finally go to 23-hour airplane-crash coverage and change its name to AC (airplane crash) 360. One hour per day would be allocated to Anthony Bourdain, who would, of course, review airline food.
- Here’s hoping the cable-news networks will institute bans on politicians using the following phrases: “the American people,” “American women,” “African-Americans,” and “Mexican-Americans.” Those aren’t political coalitions. American women, African-Americans, Mexican-Americans, and the American people seem to be just as splintered as any other group.
- Here’s hoping there will be no more stories about the booming American economy. Until Joe and Mary Sixpack feel the “booming American economy” in their wallets, they don’t want to hear about Wall Street.
What I Heard:
“I’m not wearing football pants.”
What He Actually Said:
“I’m not wearing football pads.”
— Brett Favre in a commercial for Copper Fit. I’m not convinced that Favre is the guy you want talking about not wearing things.
Word That You Didn’t Know Exists:
So if you are happy with your boss, that makes you a gruntled employee.
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