Monthly Archives: June 2013

Sinister

  Sinister2  Sinister1

 

There is a scene early in Sinister that had me on the edge of my seat.  Fred Thompson, playing a crusty sheriff, approaches family man Ethan Hawke with some unsolicited advice.  Uh-oh, I thought, here it comes:  Fred is going to pitch an AAG reverse mortgage to poor Ethan.  But I was mistaken.  Nothing that nerve-rattling happens in this clichéd dud of a horror flick.  It’s just Ethan, baseball bat in hand, prowling the dark halls of his haunted house, and a sound technician blasting noise at the audience whenever something supposedly scary occurs.  Release:  2012  Grade:  D+

 

*****

 

Mama

Mama1  Mama2

 

Director Andres Muschietti has a real knack for creepy/scary visuals, which somewhat offsets Mama’s silly premise, dumb plot, and none-too-believable behavior by its characters.  Jessica Chastain, as a musician battling the titular creature for control of two little girls, provides evidence that two Oscar nominations are no guarantee of landing other great roles.  Release:  2013   Grade:  B-

 

*****

 

Penumbra

Penum1  Penum2

 

Marga (Cristina Brondo) is the kind of career woman you love to hate.  She gets ahead by trampling co-workers, sleeping with married men, and steamrolling anyone who doesn’t serve her needs.  We spend two-thirds of Penumbra getting to know busty, bitchy Marga, but Twilight Zone-like omens all point to an unhappy (for Marga), yet satisfying (for us) climax.  Just proves that you can’t always trust omens, because Penumbra, until its final act a sleek and suspenseful puzzle, fizzles out at the end, wrapping up with gore-spattered silliness.  Release:   2011   Grade:  C

 

*****

 

Frazetta:  Painting with Fire

Frazetta1   Frazetta2

 

Say the name “Frazetta” at a comic-book convention, and you’ll likely turn heads.  Mention the name anywhere else, and you’ll probably draw a blank stare.  That’s a shame because Frank Frazetta, illustrator-artist extraordinaire, deserves a better legacy.  His bane was that he worked primarily in the world of fantasy, churning out striking covers for everything from horror-comics to Hollywood movie posters.  Frazetta chronicles his colorful life from Brooklyn boyhood to retirement in Pennsylvania, but it’s also a film one can enjoy with the mute button on, simply soaking in a procession of startlingly original warriors, princesses, and demons as they march across the screen.  Release:  2003  Grade:  B

 

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fl-tornado18b

 

During tornado coverage Friday, an Oklahoma storm chaser reported that a mobile-home park had been “consumed” by a twister.  I ain’t no psychologist, but it seems to me that if you are at all inclined to off yourself, your best bet would be to live in a mobile-home park in Oklahoma.

 

*****

 

Ice1

 

Schadenfreude

Two types of reality TV seem to be thriving:  shows set in Alaska, and shows set in the swamps.  I believe these shows are successful because, as a species, we enjoy watching other humans suffer.  We seem to really, really enjoy watching people freeze their asses off in Alaska, and we seem to really, really enjoy watching toothless rednecks in Louisiana.

My suggestion for a new kind of reality show:  Toto, the story of a doomed mutt and his stupid owners, all of whom live in a double-wide in Enid, Oklahoma.

 

Ice2

 

*****

 

Bridge

The Bridge

 

Upcoming shows that intrigue:

Broadchurch (August 7 on BBC America).  Two detectives investigate the murder of a young boy in a British seaside town.  Sounds like a routine cop show but, given the appeal of BBC America’s recent Orphan Black, I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt.

The Bridge (July 10 on FX).  The last time a basic-cable channel redid a European crime drama, it was AMC with The Killing.  I’m guessing that, like most American remakes, this will be inferior to Scandinavia’s Bron, but hey, you never know.

Through the Wormhole (June 5 on Science).  When I was in high school, I would often fall asleep during movies in science class.  I plan on watching the season premiere of Wormhole just to see if Morgan Freeman falls asleep during his hosting duties.

 

Freeman

 

Big Brother (June 26 on CBS).  It’s summer, and you’ve just watched Morgan Freeman explain the origin of the universe.  Big Brother will make you question the point of the universe.

 

Upcoming show that I fully expect will suck:

Under the Dome (June 24 on CBS).  It’s based on a Stephen King novel.  Back in the ’70s and ’80s, that was sometimes a good thing.  Today, it’s usually the kiss of death.

 

*****

 

You know Obama’s in the media doghouse when you start to see pictures like this:

 

US President Barack Obama, speaking of r

 

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