Black Hysteria Month
Like O.J. before him, Tiger Woods is rebounding from scandal with the help of a blonde from Minnesota. Tiger’s courtship techniques, well documented in text messages to a former flame in 2009, seem to work well for him. Did the Woodsman dust off some of the charming gems reprinted below to woo Lindsey Vonn?
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Oprah is reportedly doing a sex scene in an upcoming film called The Butler. Guess I’ll go ahead and cancel my cataract surgery, because I’d hate to accidentally see that.
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“I’m only in my 60s. I’ve got a nice long life ahead: big plans.” — woman in AARP commercial
I don’t usually wish physical harm on people, but if a bolt of lightning struck this smug woman, strutting through the woods as if she owns the world, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.
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TV Report Card
Vikings — moderately entertaining, but no great shakes
Bates Motel — moderately entertaining, but no great shakes
Top of the Lake — moderately entertaining, but … the jury is out
Here’s the problem with AMC’s The Walking Dead. The zombies are slow, stupid, and about as life-threatening as a June bug infestation. The only time these sluggards pose a threat is when you are dumb enough to do something like sleep in a tent, outdoors in the woods. Early on in this series, the heroes — you knew it — slept outdoors in tents in the woods.
Meanwhile, on The Americans:
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It’s been awhile since we checked in with the gang at Survivor:
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Hmmm … did someone on The Big Bang Theory get a boob job?
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Dumb Quote of the Week
“Lena Dunham, for instance, is totally great at being naked.” — Libby Gelman-Waxner in Entertainment Weekly. If we need any more proof that men and women are from different planets, this quote ought to do the job.
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Who is this Roma Downey, a producer of History’s The Bible? Is she the one who chain-smoked and hosted that 1980s talk show? Or is she the actor who got sent to jail and drug rehab?
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