Monthly Archives: April 2011

Busters

 

The bad news:  Janet Maslin of the New York Times didn’t much like Ghostbusters.  The legendary critic sniped, “Its jokes, characters and story line are as wispy as the ghosts themselves, and a good deal less substantial.”  All quite true.  The good news?  Everyone else loved it.  Who you gonna believe?  Check it out, free of charge, by clicking here.

 

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Southwest Flight Diverted  Smoke

 

I had to laugh at Southwest Airlines and the passengers aboard a Boeing 737 last week when a hole suddenly opened in the roof of the cabin.  The passengers, although unhurt, were terrified.  Good.  That makes me smile.  Why am I so tickled?

Because it turns out that in the old days, safety inspectors could detect “micro-cracks” in the fuselage by the appearance of nicotine stains around the cracks.  When airlines banned smoking, the stains disappeared, making the job of inspectors that much more difficult.

Gasped an incredulous Megyn Kelly on Fox News, “In a way, we were safer when people were smoking on the airplanes?” Replied a news correspondent: “In a way, we were.”

Said blogger Emile Husson on Over the Horizon: “It makes you wonder how many times second-hand smoke has saved the lives of airline passengers.”

Amen.

 

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Vote

 

Apparently, most people are more concerned about the looming NFL lockout.  At least we have our priorities in order.

 

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Maddow

 

I generally admire MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, but if she wants to expand her ratings, she needs to spend less time catering to her base with pet projects like gays in the military, The Defense of Marriage Act, and other issues that, really, affect just a miniscule percent of the population.

 

*****

 

Couric

 

Good riddance, Katie Couric.  The anchor role, for better or worse, demands a certain gravitas, not this perky “look at me, mom!” cheerleader persona that Couric projects.  And in case you consider that a sexist slam at female anchors, I believe that Diane Sawyer has the right stuff over at ABC.

 

*****

 

Longoria

 

Eva Longoria on David Letterman’s show:  Wow.  Now that is a sexist comment.

 

*****

 

Nicholson

 

This picture of Jack Nicholson in The Shining has nothing to do with anything.  We just like it.

 

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Zion

 

A notorious outline for Jewish world domination, Protocols is generally dismissed as a fraud.  Scholars say that Jewish plotters, as implied by these “minutes,” did not secretly meet in the late 19th century, and that this book’s text was cobbled together from earlier material dreamed up by some anonymous instigator.  I don’t know that it matters whether the meeting was a complete fabrication.  What matters is that the ideas expressed in Protocols influenced everyone from Henry Ford to Adolf Hitler to Bobby Fischer – and those ideas continue to attract certain factions today.

The components of this preachy, vague publication (specifics are rarely mentioned) are well known:  Gentiles are sheep, an inferior people destined for manipulation and governance by the “chosen people.”  Jews will use their control of global finance, the press, and political puppets to sow discord and eventually rule the world.  You know, like what Hitler tried to do.

 

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Swept1

 

On the surface (and in the water), Italian director Lina Wertmuller’s Swept Away seems a rather traditional, comic battle of the sexes.  The African Queen with subtitles, perhaps, or The War of the Roses with prettier scenery.

But Wertmuller’s 1974 film has some radical takes on some old ideas:  Does “no” always mean “no” when it comes to sex?  Is feminism a desirable progression for humanity – or does it upset the “natural” scheme of things?  Does capitalism rock – or does it knock down the little guy, creating an undeserving, privileged upper class?

Rafaella (Mariangela Melato) is a wealthy industrialist’s wife enjoying a Mediterranean yacht expedition with friends when a mishap maroons her on a desolate island with Gennarino (Giancarlo Giannini), a left-leaning, lower-class deckhand.

Rafaella, who makes no secret of her political views, could be described as 1) a beacon of feminism, a go-getter with little sympathy for anyone lacking her ambition and drive, or 2) a pampered bitch.  Gennarino, who must (grudgingly) cater to Rafaella’s every whim, could be described as 1) a victim of an unfair social system, a hard-working “man of the people,” or 2) a male chauvinist pig.

 

Swept2

 

When this political odd couple is stranded on an island, hilarity ensues – but not for long.  Swept Away takes on a darker, more serious tone when the two castaways find their roles reversed, with newly liberated Gennarino more than happy to turn class warfare on its head.  The deckhand quickly turns to physical intimidation – including sexual assault – in his attempts to induce Rafaella’s submission.

At this point, political correctness tells us that we should clearly side with the woman, right?  Not so fast – because as I’ve said, Wertmuller (who also wrote the script) has some unorthodox views of the situation.

In the end, the real battle is between realism and romanticism.  I’ll let you guess which character turns out to be the romantic, and which the realist.         Grade:  A-

 

Swept3

 

Director:  Lina Wertmuller   Cast:  Giancarlo Giannini, Mariangela Melato, Riccardo Salvino, Isa Danieli, Aldo Puglisi  Release:  1974

 

Swept4

 

Swept5        Swept6

Swept7         Swept8

 

     Watch a Clip (click here)

Swept9

 

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Picture


Peter Bogdanovich was the up-and-coming director of the 1970s, with movies including Paper Moon and this adaptation of a Larry McMurtry novel on his youthful resume.  And then Bogdanovich’s career up and left.  What the hell happened to him?  Watch The Last Picture Show, starring baby-faced Jeff Bridges and Cybill Shepherd, free of charge by clicking here.

 

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Insidious1

 

James Wan’s haunted-house movie Insidious will put you on the edge of your seat. In fact, if you are like me the film will send you rocketing from your chair and crashing into the theater ceiling like a test pilot who’s accidentally pushed the ejection button.  That’s the good news.

The bad news is that, in addition to a skull fracture, you will likely acquire punctured ear drums, a ringing headache, and attention deficit disorder due to the DEAFENING sound effects Wan employs in conjunction with most of his “boo!” scenes.

Insidious, which insidiously apes the plot of Poltergeist, promises to deliver scares and it does, and that’s a simple rule of scary movies that so many of them, inexplicably, seem to forget.  Entertainment Weekly critic Owen Gleiberman is correct when he says, “Insidious … has some of the most shivery and indelible images I’ve seen in any horror film in decades.”

But it’s a shame that I can’t honestly tell you whether my Flying Wallenda impersonations were due to Wan’s skilled filmmaking or to those shattering decibel levels.  At what point does a film cross the line from artful manipulation to physical assault?

The plot concerns a young couple (Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne) with three kids, one of whom mysteriously lapses into a coma.  When things that go bump in the night begin to plague the family, mom and dad pack everyone up and move to a new house.  But the freakish phenomena move with them.

Like most good horror flicks, Insidious is a director’s movie.  The actors are only required to look alternately worried and terrified.  The script might or might not get in the way of the fun.  Insidious screenwriter Leigh Whannell, to my way of thinking, attempts to explain things better left unexplained.  I mean, isn’t it frightening enough to learn that ghosts actually exist and are out to get you, without bringing in the obligatory “expert” (Lin Shaye channeling ghosts, a la Zelda Rubinstein in Poltergeist) to explain their cockamamie motivations?         Grade:  B

 

Insidious2

 

Director:  James Wan  Cast:  Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins, Andrew Astor, Lin Shaye, Barbara Hershey, Leigh Whannell, Angus Sampson  Release:  2011

 

Insidious3     Insidious4

Insidious5     Insidious6

 

       Watch Trailers and Clips (click here)

 

Insidious7

 

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Kennedy

 

 

10 Things I Hate About Dhue.  And Drew.  And Cutesy-Cutesy Coo.

 

1)   Two little critics, sitting in a tree …  This is from an Associated Press review of The Kennedys:  “A cautionary note to those who may have feared (or hoped) this docudrama would engage in Kennedy-bashing:  The Kennedys is a flattering, even affectionate portrayal.”

This is from Entertainment Weekly, reviewing the same miniseries:  “It’s a cobbled-together, mean-spirited piece of work that can’t help alienating viewers, whether you venerate the Kennedys or dislike them.”

2)   Trendy, cloying new word that needs to go away  —  “ginormous”

 

Corpse

 

3)   On the Whole, I’d Rather Be in Philadelphia.  I don’t understand the fuss over Colombian soccer fans who brought a corpse to a recent match.  This kind of thing is old hat.  Hollywood legend has it that Errol Flynn came home one night to find the body of the recently deceased John Barrymore propped in a living room chair, apparently ready to play cards.  And then there is Fox News, which regularly showcases a cadaver named Charles Krauthammer.

4)  Bank bullshit.  My nominee for soul-sucking, unfunny commercials of the week:  the hideous spots for Ally Bank that try to convince us that people “love” their banks.  Sure we do.  And I am in lust with my social security card.

 

Swan

 

5)   Told ya so.  Entertainment Weekly asked if voters for Best Actress might have thought twice about choosing Natalie Portman, had they been aware of her minimal dancing in Black Swan.  Said one Academy member, “It would have mattered a lot.”

6)  Refreshing celebrity quote of the week:  “I feel guilty about everything.  I carry lots of guilt.” — Rod Stewart

 

Dhue

 

7)   Dhue-dah, Drew-dah.  There was more preaching on Joy Behar’s show, this time by fill-in host Laurie Dhue (above), who felt compelled to inform viewers not once, not twice, but at least four times that she is a recovering, “high-functioning” alcoholic.  Dhue then offered her expert medical analysis of Charlie Sheen, much to the nodding approval of her guest, the egotistical Drew Pinsky.  Dhue and Drew both work for CNN, which is owned by Time Warner, which is being sued by Sheen.  Conflict of interest, anyone?

8)   Grrrrr.  Anderson Cooper doesn’t seem to know the difference between gravitas and grouchiness.  I can’t watch him for more than five minutes without feeling like grandma is lecturing me about my personal hygiene.

 

Trump

 

9)   Let’s ship him overseas.  The Donald told Bill O’Reilly that there are too many government regulations.  A mere ten minutes after that, Donald informed us that he has personally witnessed many business honchos doctoring financial documents.  God forbid we keep an eye on those crooks, right Donald?

10)   Grumpy Old Man.  O’Reilly has been relentlessly hammering General Electric for not paying taxes.  He’d have more credibility on this issue if he didn’t harbor such a grudge against NBC — a GE company.

 

*****

 

Whipped

 

You know you’re pussy-whipped when this is how you spend your vacation.

 

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 by Jim Norton

Happy

 

Norton’s autobiographical essays belong in the “This Will Appeal Almost Exclusively to Emotionally Stunted Young Males” genre, right beside hormone-driven nonsense like Grant Stoddard’s Working Stiff and Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

What raises Happy Endings a notch above those other books is the fact that Norton (unlike Max) is an experienced writer and (unlike Stoddard) also a professional comedian.  He trots out the same type of raunchy anecdotes – extremely reliant on bodily apertures, gases, and fluids – but he knows how to turn a phrase for maximum comic effect.  A lot of this stuff is funny, but oh, man, those off-color stories ….  Bathroom humor is like the exclamation point:  It’s effective when used judiciously, but grows tiresome when overdone.  And Norton uses it relentlessly in Happy Endings.

 

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